Albert quotes from Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)

Cooper

Lately I've been filled with the knowledge that the killer will strike again. But because it is just a feeling, I am powerless to stop it. One more thing, Albert. When the next murder happens, you will help me solve it.

Albert

Let's test it for the record. Will the next victim be a man or a woman?

Cooper

A woman.

Albert

All right. What color hair will she have?

Cooper

Blonde.

Albert

Tell me some other things about her.

Cooper

She's in high school. She is sexually active. She is using drugs. She's crying out for help.

Albert

Well damn, Cooper, that really narrows it down. You're talking about half the high school girls in America!

Well now, I'm not gonna talk about Judy. In fact, we're not gonna talk about Judy at all, we're gonna keep her out of it.

Cooper

Gordon?

I KNOW, COOP!

Who do you think this is there?

Albert

Suffered some bumps on the old noggin, hey, Phil?

WHAT THE HELL DID HE SAY THERE, ALBERT? THAT'S SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER! FOR GOD'S SAKES, JEFFRIES, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? YOU'VE BEEN GONE DAMN NEAR TWO YEARS!

The stories that I wanna tell you about...

HE'S GONE! HE'S GONE! ALBERT, CALL THE FRONT DESK!

Albert

I've got the front desk now. He was never here.