A character in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Kemper quotes from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Eric Balfour

Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003): in 3 of its 10 quotes
Most scenes with: Erin (2), Morgan (2)

Scenes with Kemper

3 scenes
[Opens in an old footage of a crime scene in Texas.]

The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of 5 youths. It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected, nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see that day. For them, an idyllic summer afternoon became a nightmare.

[shifts to the present police department gathering evidences from the Hewitt residence.]

For 30 years, the files collected dust in the cold-cases division of the Travis County Police Department. Over 1,300 pieces of evidence were collected from the crime scene at the Hewitt residence. Yet none of the evidence was more compelling than the classified police footage of the crime-scene walk-through.

Officer Adams
[shifts to the old walk-through of the Hewitt residence.] [testing his microphone]

Test test test... Okay, uh, this is, uh, August 20th, 1973. The time is, uh, 3:47 P.M. Our location is the Hewitt residence on Route 17; it's where victim one was found. We're gonna do a walk-through, and we're now descending the stairs into the furnace room... uh... [shows a scratch mark on the wall] There's - over here - there's scratch marks along the wall.

Officer Adams
[Adams shows another scratch mark on the other wall]

There's some more over here, right over here and oh, there's something over here. [touches a bundle of hair and a fingernail pinned on the wall] Seems... Looks like a clot of hair and an embedded fingernail. All right, we're gonna go move into the actual furnace room.

[Adams descend to the basement.]

The events of that day were to lead to one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history: "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
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[While they are driving through Texas, Erin starts singing "Sweet Home Alabama".]

Would anybody please make her stop singing?

Kemper
[Erin keeps singing.]

I think you got a beautiful voice, baby.

Thank you.
[Morgan laughs, Kemper looks at the rear view mirror, seeing Pepper and Andy kissing, and he nods.] <hr-width="50%">

Pepper
[While Pepper and Andy are kissing each other.]

Can you believe? We didn't even know each other yesterday.

I know. It's just amazing.

[Pepper and Andy continue kissing each other.]

You know what's even more amazing? Hello? [Pepper and Andy keeps kissing.] Hello? What are you, like at a pause or half-time?

[Pepper and Andy turns to Morgan.]

Okay, The fact that Americans each day are infected with a sexually-transmitted disease, and two-thirds of them are just about your age.

Kemper
[Pepper and Andy doesn't know the answer.; Erin laughs.; Andy flips off Morgan.; Morgan smiles]

Hey, Morgan. How are you the expert on the dumbest shit?
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Pepper
[Pepper blows bubbles at Morgan. as Andy keeps kissing Pepper.]

What are the odds of you guys passing through "El Paso", just as i started to hitch? I mean, it's like synchronicity.

Pepper
[Erin and Morgan stare each other.] [frantically.]

It's like I.S.D. It's like this shit does not just happen. [Pepper turns to Andy and kisses each other.]

[Erin checks on the cassette box.]

Oh, baby, They got to play "free bird."

Kemper

Oh, they have to. We paid a fortune for these tickets.

Hey yo Kemp, can you do something about the A.C. Back here? I'm melting.

Kemper
[Kemper jams on the fan, but doesn't work.]

No.

Kemper
[Morgan laughs.]

But if you or Pepper get too hot, You could always take your clothes off.

[Pepper, Andy and Morgan laughs.]

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

You are such a perv. [turns to Pepper.] Don't listen to him, Pepper.

Pepper

Why not? I think he's funny.

[turns to Kemper.]

She's only known you for 19 hours. [turns back to Pepper.] I've lived with him for 3 years. And trust me, He is not funny!

I didn't go to Mexico to watch you get shit-faced for four days.

Kemper

That's what you do in Mexico!

[after a hitchhiker they picked up shoots herself]

What are we gonna do?

Kemper

I don't know... uh... we gotta call the cops, I guess.

Um, yeah, on a list of bad ideas, that one goes, way up there. Oh, police officers, please, as you inspect a crime scene, which is now our van, please, ignore the colorful pinata, filled with marijuana, in case you happen to come across it, because it played no part, you know, whatsoever in the demise of this unfortunate, young, woman.

Other characters in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

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