Bruno Anthony quotes from Strangers on a Train (1951)

Guy

Let's change the subject, Bruno, can't we?

Okay, Guy. Want me to tell you one of my ideas for murdering my father?

Guy

You've been reading too many of these.

You want to hear about the busted light socket in the bathroom, or the carbon monoxide in the garage?

Guy

No. I may be old fashioned, but I thought murder was against the law.

But not against the law of nature. My theory is that everybody is a potential murderer. Didn't you ever want to kill somebody? Say one of those useless fellows Miriam was running around with?

Guy

You can't go around killing people just because you think they're useless.

Oh, what's a life or two? Some people are better off dead, Guy. Take your -- wife and my father, for instance. It reminds me of a wonderful idea had once. I used to put myself to sleep at night -- figuring it out. Now, let's say you want to get rid of your wife.

Guy

Why?

Let's say she refuses to give you a divorce -- [raises a finger and stops Guy's protest] Let's say. You'd be afraid to kill her because you'd get caught. And what would trip you up? Motive. Now here's the plan...

Guy

I'm afraid I haven't time to listen.

It's so simple, too. A couple of fellows meet accidentally, like you and me. No connection between them at all. Never saw each other before. Each of them has somebody he'd like to get rid of, but he can't murder the person he wants to get rid of. He'll get caught. So they swap murders.

Guy

Swap murders?

Each fellow does the other fellow's murder. Then there is nothing to connect them. The one who had the motive isn't there. Each fellow murders a total stranger. Like you do my murder and I do yours.

Guy

We're coming into my station.

For example, your wife, my father. Criss-cross.

Hello, Guy.

Guy

What are you doing here? At this time of night?

You don't seem very pleased to see me, Guy. I brought you a little present.

Guy

What do you mean?

Guy

What's this all about?

Recognize them?

It was very quick, Guy. She wasn't hurt in any way. It was all over in no time. I knew you'd be surprised. Nothing for us to worry about. Nobody saw me, only Miriam. I was very careful. Even when I dropped your lighter there, I went right back to pick it up. If It'd been found, it would have ruined our whole scheme, wouldn't it?

Guy

Are you trying to tell me you've -- Why, you maniac!

But, Guy, you wanted it! We planned it on the train together, remember?

Where are you going?

Guy

Where do you think I'm going? I'm going to call the police, of course.

But you can't, Guy. We'd both be arrested for murder.

Guy

We'd both be arrested for murder?

You're is much in it as I am. We planned it together. Criss-cross. I do your murder --

Guy

You crazy fool! You think you can get away with that?

Oh, come now, Guy. Why should I go to Metcalf and kill a total stranger, unless it was part of the plan and you were in on it? You're the one that benefits, Guy. You're a free man. I didn't even know the girl.

Guy

Let me go, Bruno. I had nothing to do with this and the police will believe me.

If you go to the police now, you'll just be turning yourself in as in accessory. You see, you have the motive.

What is it?

Guy

My telephone.

Someone has some news for you, Guy.

You must be tired, Guy. I know I am. I've sure had a strenuous evening. Now look, Guy, about my father. I have the plans made. Two plans. A plan of the grounds and a plan of the house. I have in old Luger I bought at a pawn shop in San Francisco. My father --

Wait a minute, Guy. To have to talk. We have to arrange things.

Guy

Get away before I give you what you gave Miriam.

You're not yourself, Guy. You're tired. When you think things over, you'll see I'm right. Tomorrow --

Guy

I don't know you. I never saw you before. I never want to see you again.

Well, Mr. Anthony, you seem very interested in the subject of murder.

No more than anyone else. No more than you, for instance.

Me? I'm not interested in murder.

Oh, come now, everyone's interested in that. Everyone would like to put someone out of the way. Now surely, Madame, you're not going to tell me that there hasn't been a time when you wanted to dispose of someone. Your husband, for instance.

Good heavens, no!

Ah ah! Are you sure? Do you mean to tell me there wasn't a tiny moment - when you'd been made really angry? And what did you say?

Well...

There you are, you see! There you are! All right, now you're going -- to do a murder. How are you going to do it? This is the fascinating part -- how are you going to do it...I didn't get your name?

Mrs. Cunningham.

Mrs. Cunningham, how are you going to do it?

Well, I suppose I'll have to get a gun from somewhere.

Tssk, tssk. Oh no, Mrs. Cunningham. Bang, bang, all over the place. Blood everywhere?

What about a little poison?

Ah! That's better, that's better. Mrs.....?

Anderson.

That's better, Mrs. Anderson. But Mrs. Cunningham is in a dreadful hurry. Poison could take...let's see...ten to twelve weeks, if poor Mr. Cunningham is to die from natural causes.

I have a wonderful idea! I can tak him out in the car and when I get to a lonely spot, knock him on the head with a hammer, pour gasoline over him and over the car and start the whole thing ablaze.

And then have to walk all that way home?

No, I have the best way, and the best tools. [he holds out his hands] Simple, silent, and quick. The silent part being the most important. Let me show you what I mean. You don't mind if I borrow your neck for a moment do you?

Well, it's not for long.

Oh! no. Now, when I nod my head, just see if you can cry out, and I bet you can't. Now with my two thumbs...you see that's where I'll be able to prevent any sound coming from you. Now, just wait for the nod of my head.

Mr. Anthony! Mr. Anthony!

Stop him! Stop him!

Guy

Mr. Anthony! Mr. Antony! Don't be alarmed -- but I must talk to you about your son. About Bruno. Mr. Antony!

Yes, Mr. Haines? My father isn't home tonight, Mr. Haines. I was about to tell you that over the phone. But you came to such a sudden decision. I wondered why.

Guy

Since you sent me a key to your house, I decided to use it -- to make a little social call on your father. I thought he'd be interested to know he has a lunatic son.

Then a I correct, Mr. Haines, in assuming that you have no intention of going ahead with our arrangement?

Guy

No intention whatsoever. I never had.

I see. You won't have any further use for the key, then, Mr. Haines. Thank you very such.

Guy

Or this.

Guy

Look, Bruno. You're terribly sick. I don't know whether it's possible for you to realize it or not. I don't know much about these things, Bruno. But why don't you go someplace where you can get some treatment? Not only for your own sake, Bruno, but you can't go on causing more and more destruction to anyone you happen to meet.

I don't like to be double crossed. I have a murder on my conscience, but it's not my murder, Mr. Haines -- it's yours. And as you're the one to profit, I think you should be the one to pay for it.

Guy

Well, I guess it's no use, Bruno. We seem to have nothing further to discuss.

Don't worry. I'm not going to shoot you, Mr. Haines. It might disturb mother. I'm a very clever follow. I'll think of something better than that. Much better.