Sam
[Ghostface is pursuing Tara at the hospital. While doing this, he notices an unconscious Richie's cell phone ringing. Ghostface turns on his voice changer and answers the call]
Richie! Are you at the hospital?
Ghostface
Hello, Samantha. Richie can't come to the phone right now. He's finding out what happens to people who stick their noses in a business that doesn't concern them.
Sam
Please don't hurt him.
Ghostface
I'll tell you what. You can choose. I'll only kill one.
Sam
What? What? Tara!
Ghostface
Who do you want to hear die?
Sam
No, please! I'm begging you! Please don't hurt them!
Ghostface
Really? You can't save your own sister? All you have to do is say, "Kill Richie". [Knocks Tara off her wheelchair]
Sam
Tara! Don't hurt her! Please! Please! Please! I'm begging you!
Ghostface
Or say, "Kill Tara". And I'll make sure to hit all the organs I missed last time.
Tara
F**k you!
Sam
I'm begging you, please don't hurt her.
Ghostface
Last chance to save one. Choose!
Sam
Why are you doing this?
Ghostface
You want to know why, Sam? Maybe it's because you're a selfish b*tch who can't even make a decision to save the life of someone you love. Maybe you're too weak for this franchise.
Sam
Maybe you're right. Or maybe I'm just stalling for time, f**khead!
[Sam and Dewey arrive and Dewey shoots, forcing Ghostface to flee]
Dewey
[At the hospital, Dewey and Ghostface are fighting each other, with Ghostface about to stab Dewey]
Not today!
Dewey
[He quickly kicks Ghostface off him, then grabs his gun, managing to shoot Ghostface and cause him to collapse on the floor. Dewey then gets Sam, Tara, and Richie to the hospital's elevator, but stops before he can join them]
The head.
Richie
What?
Dewey
You have to shoot them in the head, or they always come back.
Sam
Dewey! Who gives a f**k?
Dewey
I do.
Sam
No, Dewey!
Ghostface
[The elevator doors close. Dewey, carrying his gun, walks over to the still-unconscious Ghostface and prepares to shoot him. As he does, Dewey's cell phone suddenly rings, immediately waking up Ghostface, who violently stabs Dewey in the stomach and then in the back]
Yes, today! [Raises both his knives, violently slicing Dewey's chest and back open. A fatally-wounded Dewey has enough time to notice that Gale was trying to call him on his phone, and he smiles, ignoring Ghostface speaking] It's an honor. [Removes the knives and kicks a now-dead Dewey to the ground]
Richie
[Richie and Amber have revealed themselves to be the killers, and they drag Sam and Sidney to the kitchen]
Someone has to save the franchise! You see, no one has made a great "Stab" movie since the first one. Not really. [To Amber] Hey, baby, you want to go get the very ex-Mrs. Riley?
Amber
Yeah, I do.
Richie
[Richie approaches Sidney]
Sidney Prescott. You know, I'm a really big fan.
Sidney
Go f**k yourself.
Richie
You see the last "Stab" movie?
Sidney
Not really a fan of scary movies.
Richie
That checks out. Anyway, it sucked balls. Because nobody takes the true fans seriously, not really. They just laugh at us, and why?! Because we love something?! We're just a f***ing joke to them?! How can fandom be toxic? It's about love! They don't f**king understand these movies are important to people!
Sam
Richie...
Richie
[hearing Sam, he swings his knife to face her]
And we're gonna help them! Hollywood's totally f***ing out of ideas, so we decided we'd give them some new source material to follow. You know, bring it back to basics. Because that's how you make a great "Stab" movie, Sam. Based on actual events.
Sam
[Amber drags Gale to the kitchen, then approaches Sidney, mockingly waving her knife at her while mimicking the Psycho theme]
You did all this just to make me the hero of your fuced-up movie?
Richie
Sweetie, you’re not the hero. You’re the villain. The daughter of Billy Loomis who sees f***ed-up visions of her dead dad. Sidney Prescott killed your father. You...did all this just to get her back to Woodsboro.
Amber
You know what the biggest problem with the "Stab" movies is? There’s no Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees, no bad guy to keep coming back. But the illegitimate daughter of the original mastermind? Now that’s a **** villain.
Sam
How did you know?
Amber
About your father? [giggling] I mean, it’s a small town and your mom’s a drunk! [she nods toward Richie, who smiles] I met Richie on the "Stab" subreddit. I’ve been obsessed ever since my parents bought this house. We realized pretty quickly we had similar ideas.
Richie
[turning to Sam]
Wasn’t that hard for me to find you in Modesto. It wasn’t that hard for me to **** you, either. But I guess being a sexually available woman is supposed to be empowering these days.
Sam
[Angered]
F**k you!
Richie
Well, now you’re just quoting the original.
Amber
[Amber and Richie chuckle]
But it wouldn’t work with just you, Sam. See, we had to bring the legacy characters back to make it matter. Can’t have a bona fide Halloween without Jamie Lee!
Richie
Nope!
Amber
Dewey had to die to make it real, to show that this wasn’t just some bullshit, cash-in, run-of-the-mill sequel. [Gale looks up in shock and disbelief; Amber suddenly raises her voice] Because OUR MOVIE HAS **** STAKES!!! [Speaks in a sing-song tone] ‘Cause anyone can die in a requel.
Richie
[Sidney attempts to escape, only for Amber to stab her in the side. Gale shrieks and Sam gasps.] [Mutters in irritation]
Goddamn it! [Speaking to Sidney, fiercely] Whoa, whoa! No, hey, sit the **** down! [calmer] I’m so sorry, Sid. We can’t let you live, either. I mean, surviving this many times, that would just be ridiculous. [Speaks in a true evil and delusional tone] This time, the fans are gonna be the ones who win. [To Amber] That about cover it?
Amber
[Smiles]
Nailed it, baby.
Richie
[Confident their plan will succeed without fail]
Get Tara out of the closet. We got to go start staging the bodies!
Gale
[Amber leaves; Gale checks on Sidney] [desperate]
Stay with me, Sid. Stay with me.
Richie
[Richie starts taunting Sam]
You really should’ve listened to Dewey! He nailed it in one! "Dude, look at the love interest!" Are you **** stupid? I even had you convinced it could be your sister.
Amber
[Immediately after, Amber's voice is heard, sounding stunned and confused]
Um, she’s not here.
Richie
[Richie's smile fades as he becomes stunned]
The f*ck do you mean she’s not here?
Amber
She’s not here!
Sam
I untied her. [Richie looks at Sam, shocked] Guess you’re not as persuasive as you thought.
Sam
[The phone suddenly rings. Sam gives a faint smile]
It’s for you.
Richie
[scoffs]
Yeah. Like your gimpy little sister's gonna make a difference. She’s our f***ing pincushion at this point. [he calls out to Amber] Amber, fan out! She couldn’t have gotten far!
Amber
[Amber moves through the hallway, looking around in disbelief]
I can’t find her!
[Tara suddenly jumps out and tackles Amber]
Richie
[Richie is cornering Sam, who is on the ground. As Richie taunts her, unknown to him, Sam sees a vision of her father, Billy Loomis, who guides her to a knife on the ground]
What are you gonna do now, huh? Make a scary phone call to me? Pop your head out of the closet in a Ghostface mask? No. Because you're the villain! And the villain dies at the end! Those are the rules!
Sam
I'm introducing a new rule.
Richie
And what might that be, huh? [Aims his gun at Sam] Well?! [Laughs arrogantly and evilly]
Sam
Never f**k with the daughter of a serial killer.
[Hearing Sam say the rule causes Richie to frown in confusion, until Sam grabs the knife and plunges it straight into Richie's mouth. As Richie recoils from the sudden attack, dropping his gun in the process, Sam proceeds to attack him viciously, stabbing him dozens of times in the exact same manner of Ghostface stabbing a victim, all while Richie screams in pain and shock. Sam then stops stabbing and raises the knife, as Richie, his arrogant behavior now destroyed and replaced with fear, cowardly begins pleading for mercy]
Richie
[Whimpering]
WAIT! Wait! What about my ending?!
Sam
[Sam quietly places her knife next to Richie's throat] [Whispers]
Here it comes. [Slashes his throat]
Richie
[Horrified]
Aah! No!
Sidney
[Richie's throat is fully slashed, and a fatally wounded Richie only has enough time to witness Sam use her hand to clean her blood-stained knife, another Ghostface move, before ultimately dying. Sidney and Gale walk in and stand next to Sam, looking at Richie's body]
Careful. They always come back.
Gale
[Sam takes the gun from Gale and shoots Richie's body, eventually shooting him in the head, ensuring that he is dead]
Okay, then.
Tara
[Suddenly, a badly-burned and disfigured Amber, screaming loudly, runs in and desperately tries to attack the trio, only to be immediately killed by a shot to the head; Tara is revealed to be the shooter]
I still prefer The Babadook.
