Frank Slade quotes from Scent of a Woman (1992)

Frank Slade

When in doubt, ****!

Frank Slade

If you make a mistake and get all tangled up, you just tango on.

Frank Slade

The IQ of sloths and the manners of Banshees! He's a car-mechanic, she's a home-maker! He knows as much about cars as a beauty queen and she bakes cookies that taste like wing-nuts. As for the tots, they're twits.

Frank Slade

There are two kinds of people, those who face the fire and those who run for cover. Cover's better!

Frank Slade

I like it when you hurt me!

Frank Slade

"What are the chances of me suiting you up sometime?

Frank Slade

What life?!? I got no life! I'm in the dark here! You understand? I'm in the dark!

Frank Slade

I'm too old, I'm too tired, I'm too **** blind.

Frank Slade

Outta' order? Outta' order?! I show you outta' order!

Frank Slade

Makers of men, creators of leaders, be careful what kind of leaders you're producing here.

Frank Slade

Women! What could you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a ****in' genius. The hair... they say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven. I need a drink. Yes, Mr Sims, there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin' to me, son? I'm givin' ya pearls here.

Frank Slade

If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a flamethrower to this place!

Frank Slade

But there is nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit.

Frank Slade

You think you're just sendin' this fine, upstanding young man back to Oregon with his tail between his legs. But I say, you are executin' his soul! And why? Because he's not "a Baird man". You hurt this boy, you'll be Baird bums, the lot o' you.

Frank Slade

The day we stop looking, is the day we die.

Frank Slade

PUERTO RICANS!!! They always made the best infantry men!

Trask

Mr. Sims, you are a cover-up artist and you are a liar.

Frank Slade

But not a snitch!

Trask

Excuse me?

Frank Slade

No, I don't think I will.

Trask

Mr. Slade!

Frank Slade

This is such a crock of shit!

Trask

Please watch your language, Mr. Slade. You are in the Baird School not a barracks. Now Mr. Sims I will give you one final opportunity to speak up.

Frank Slade

Mr. Sims doesn't want it. He doesn't need to labeled, "...still worthy of being a 'Baird Man.'" What the hell is that? What is your motto here? Boys, inform on your classmates, save your hide. Anything short of that we're gonna burn you at the stake? Well, gentlemen. When the shit hits the fan, some guys run and some guys stay. Here's Charlie--facing the fire, and there's George--hiding in big Daddy's pocket. And what are you doing? You're gonna reward George, and destroy Charlie.

Trask

Are you finished, Mr. Slade?

Frank Slade

No. I'm just gettin' warmed up. I don't know who went to this place--William Howard Taft, William Jennings Bryan, William Tell--whoever. Their spirit is dead; if they ever had one, it's gone. You're building a rat ship here. A vessel for sea-going snitches. And if you think your preparing these "minnows" for manhood, you better think again. Because I say you are killing the very spirit this institution proclaims it instills! What a sham! What kind of show are you guys puttin' on here today? I mean, the only class in this act is sittin' next to me. And I'm here to tell you, this boy's soul is in tact. It is non-negotiable. You know how I know? Because someone here--I'm not gonna say who--offered to buy it. Only Charlie here wasn't selling.

Mr.Trask

Sir, you are out of order!

Frank Slade

Out of order, I'll show you out of order! You don't know what out of order is Mr. Trask! I'd show you but I'm too old, I'm too tired, and I'm too ****in' blind. If I were the man I was five years ago I'd take a flame-thrower to this place. Out of order? Who the hell do you think you're talking to!? I've been around, you know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen, boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there is nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot-soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs, but I say "you are executing his soul!" And why? Because he's not a Baird man. Baird men, you hurt this boy, you're going to be Baird Bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, **** you too!

Mr. Trask

Stand down Mr. Slade!

Frank Slade

I'm not finished! As I came in here, I heard those words...cradle of leadership. Well, when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And it has fallen here, it has fallen! Makers of men, creators of leaders, be careful what kind of leaders you're producing here. I don't know if Charlie's silence here today is right or wrong; I'm no judge or jury. But I can tell you this; he won't sell anybody out to buy his future! And that, my friends, is called integrity. That's called courage. Now that's the stuff leaders should be made of. (pause) Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard. Now here's Charlie; he's come to the crossroads. He has chosen a path. It's the right path. It's a path made of principle, that leads to character. Let him continue on his journey. You hold this boy's future in your hands, committee! It's a valuable future. Believe me! Don't destroy it...protect it...embrace it. It's gonna make you proud one day...I promise you.

Freddie Bisco

Yeah, this is a valid Oregon driver's license. And we let appropriate customers test-drive the Testarossa. But you're seventeen years old and you're riding with a blind companion. That we don't do. This is a $190,000 piece of machinery; I'm not letting it out this door.

Charlie

Well, how about this one over here?

Freddie

That's a Cabriolet t; the same deal! You think I'm gonna let an unaccompanied kid get behind the wheel of a $110,000 car?

He will not be unaccompanied. I'll be with him. I'm his father.

Freddie Bisco

You're his father?

Yeah.

Freddie Bisco

I have an idea. Why don't I take your father for a test drive?

What's your quota, Freddie?

Freddie Bisco

Don't worry about my quota, I do very well.

How many Ferraris you sold this month?

Freddie Bisco

That's not relevant to this discussion.

Freddie, the Eighties are over. You tryin' to tell me these things are just walkin' outta the store?

Freddie Bisco

This is a Ferrari, sir. This is the finest piece of machinery made in the automobile industry.

Well, if you like it so much, why don't you sleep with it? Why are you selling it?

Freddie Bisco

I'd love to accommodate you, but-

If this car performs the way I expect it to, you will get a certified check of $101,000 and change when you come in here tomorrow morning.

Freddie Bisco

That's $109,000 plus $950, plus tax.

Freddie, for you- one-oh-seven, all in. Plus a case of champagne. Go with your leftover turkey. Whaddya say? Don't worry about the boy. He drives so smooth, you can boil an egg on the engine. When we bring the car back, I'll peel the egg for you.

Freddie Bisco

Listen, you've made me laugh, but I can't let the car go out.

Want a deposit?

Freddie Bisco

This is not an installment item, sir.

Freddie. You're no spring chicken, are you?

Freddie Bisco

Well, you know what they call me at the home office. "The Gray Ghost." You know why they still keep me around? There's no kid here who can move a Ferrari like I can. I'm known from coast to coast like butter and toast. Ask anybody about Freddie Bisco. When I get a Ferrari- [Snaps his fingers] -out the door.

Ha! You just made me laugh, Freddie. [Holds up a folded set of bills] $2,000. Unless you take it you're gonna make me cry. [Bisco hesitates; Slade puts the money in his suit's breast pocket] I'm a Gray Ghost, too.

Officer Gore

License and registration. [Charlie hands over some papers.] What, are you test driving this baby?

Don't she purr, though?

Officer Gore

At 70 miles an hour?

You should hear it at 125. Ha!

Officer Gore

Where's your license?

At the dealer's. They give it back to you when you return the car.

Officer Gore

You got ID?

You bet. Indeed. [Hands over his ID]

Officer Gore

"Lieutenant Colonel Slade."

And you, soldier?

Officer Gore

The name is Police Officer Gore.

You're doin' a hell of a job, Gore!

Officer Gore

Oh, and so are you, Colonel. Who's the kid?

My boy Charlie. He kept tellin' me to "let her out, let her out"; what was I gonna do, disappoint him?

Officer Gore

Yes. [Pauses] Tell you what I'm gonna do, Colonel. I'm gonna let you go. On one condition.

What's that?

Officer Gore

That you take this rig straight back to the dealer.

Charlie

Y-you got it.

Shut up.

Officer Gore

You want this?

Sure. [Reaches out and takes the papers] Gore, your face and your voice are familiar. You ever in the Officers' Club at Danang?

Officer Gore

No.

Ever in the Army?

Officer Gore

No, Coast Guard.

Good Lord. Ha ha!

Officer Gore

Your dad's looking good, Charlie. He's got a heavy foot, though. Tell him to take it light, all right?