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Cortes: My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we put into Cuba to re-supply, God willing, you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives.

Chel: My only wish is to serve the gods.

Chief Tannabok: Big smile, like you mean it.

Chief Tannabok: Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next… thousand years.

Miguel: You fight like my sister!
Tulio: I've fought your sister. That's a compliment.

[While running for their lives, they come to the edge of a roof, quite a distance from the waterfront.]
Miguel: I'll bet we can make that.
Tulio: Two pesetas says we can't.
Miguel: You're on! [They jump of the edge and land in two barrels] You lose.

Tulio: What's happening here?
Miguel: We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge.

Tulio: All right. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats... and then, we... row back to Spain like there's no manana!
Miguel: Back to Spain, yeah?
Tulio: Yeah.
Miguel: [uncertainly] In... a rowboat.
Tulio: Yeah!
Miguel: [sarcastically] Great. Sensational. And that's your plan, is it?
Tulio: That's... pretty much it.
Miguel: [delighted] Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck?
Tulio: [pause] In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats...

Miguel: Altivo! Hey, Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But, you have to do a trick for me first! All you have to do, is find a pry bar. It's a long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end.
Tulio: Miguel, you're talking to a horse!
Miguel: Yes, that's it Altivo. Find the pry bar!
Tulio: Yes, "find the pry bar". He doesn't understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse, there's no way he could understand...
[Altivo drops keys into the brig]
Tulio: Well... it's not a pry bar.

Miguel: Hey, look on the positive side! At least things can't get-- [thunder rumbles and rain pours down]
Tulio: Excuse me, were you about to say "worse?" Huh?
Miguel: No.
Tulio: No?
Miguel: No. Absolutely. I've revised that whole… thing.

[Miguel and Tulio are stranded in the boat, together with Altivo]
Miguel: Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this?
Tulio: [Pause] The horse is a surprise.
Miguel: Any... regrets?
Tulio: Besides dying? Yeah. I never... had enough... gold.
Miguel: My regret, besides dying, is... our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us.
Tulio: Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you... made my life... an adventure.
Miguel: And if it's any consolation, Tulio, you made my life... rich.

[after seeing a skeleton on the beach]
Tulio: All those in favor of getting back in the boat, say aye.
Miguel: Aye!
Tulio: Aye!
[Altivo snorts]

Tulio: Apparently El Dorado is native for... great big ROCK!
Miguel: Tulio, you don't think, Cortes could've gotten here before us and, and…
Tulio: And what? Taken all the really big rocks? The scoundrel!

Tulio: [sighs] Well, it was nice working with you, partner.
Miguel: Tulio, I just want you to know... I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona.
Tulio: Sor-- you-- you…

Tulio: Miguel and Tulio!
Miguel: Tulio and Miguel!
Together: Mighty and powerful gods!
Chel: Hello.
[both squeal]

Tulio: Back mortal, before we strike you with a lightning bolt!
Chel: [calmly] Save it for the High Priest, honey, you're gonna need it.

Chel: Oh, then I suppose you'll be wanting these back? [produces Tulio's dice in her hand]
Tulio: [pats pockets, shocked] Hey... how'd you get those?
Miguel: [raising eyebrows] Where was she keeping them?

Tulio: The little voice, remember? Remember the little voice? Well, just for a moment, imagine that you have one. Now, what would it be saying about Chel?
Miguel: Uuuuum... [purrs]

Tulio: Hey, Chel, what's going on?
Chel: It's not gonna be good.
Tulio: Thank you.

[Tzekel-Kan starts to perform a human sacrifice.]
Tulio: Stop! This is not a proper tribute!
[Miguel rescues the intended victim and drags him to safety.]
Tzekel-Kan: You do not want the tribute?
Miguel: No no, we want tribute. It's just that, um... Tulio, tell him.
Tulio: The stars are not in position for this tribute!
Miguel: Like he said! Stars! … Can't do it… Not today.

Miguel: You worry too much.
Tulio: No, I worry exactly the right amount. You can never worry too much!

Chel: Go ahead. I'll cover for you.
Miguel: Oh, yeah, thanks. So, what happened to Altivo? [He ducks out of sight.]
Chel: I dunno.
Tulio: [Approaching] Hey, what happened to Miguel?
Chel: I dunno.
Tulio: Oh my God, he's gone! He's loose! What am I gonna do?!

Tulio: I'm not really sure I trust you.
Chel: Mmm… I'm not really asking you to trust me, am I?
Tulio: Hmm… 'kay.

Chel: The High Priest? What's he gonna think if he finds one of the gods like this with me?
Tulio: Uh, "Lucky God"?

Tzekel-Kan: The history of the age of the Jaguar will be written in...
Tulio: Ink?
Tzekel-Kan: Blood!

Tulio: What… do you think… you are doing?
Miguel: [chuckles] Laying low?

Miguel: Well don't blame me!

Miguel: We need a miracle.
Tulio: No, we need to cheat!

Tulio: No? Who are you kidding? You're buying your own con!
Miguel: At least I'm not dating mine!
Tulio: I-- Ooh, low blow.

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