Alright, listen up! I'm Coach Boone. I'm going to tell you all about how much fun you're going to have this season. We leave for camp, Gettysburg College, August 15th, 7:29 am! If you report at 7:30, you will not be playing football this season; you will be watching. You will wear a jacket, shirt, and tie! If you don't have one, buy one. If you can't afford one, then borrow one from your old man. If you don't have an old man, then find a drunk, trade him for his. Cause I can guarantee you, there isn't a bum on the street that looks as raggedy and ridiculous as what I'm looking at right now. This is no democracy! It is a dictatorship! I am the law! If you survive camp, you will be on the team. If you survive.