If I were my father, I'd have you tortured.
No. If you were your father, I doubt very much if I would have kissed you.
The Pink Panther (1963) · 8 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in The Pink Panther (1963): in 4 of its 8 quotes
Most scenes with: Sir Charles Lytton (3), Inspector Jacques Clouseau (2)
If I were my father, I'd have you tortured.
No. If you were your father, I doubt very much if I would have kissed you.
I am willing to bet you ten thousand francs, that the phantom is in Cortina at this very moment. Even, perhaps, in this very room.
How exciting. What do you think, Mr. Tucker?
Oh, I agree with the inspector. You see, Ten of his last fifteen victims have been guests at Angela Dunning's parties.
What are we all talking about?
The notorious Phantom.
I'm afraid I never heard of him.
From the little I've read about him, he seems to be quite a fellow.
Believe me. There are few thieves who are as clever as the Phantom. Each theft is completely different and unique, classic in its conception.
I thought you were working on the theory that he does repeat himself.
Well, only as far as Angela Dunning's parties are concerned. However, there is one other duplication, but that is his ah... trademark, his calling card, so to speak. He always leaves a white monogrammed glove.
Sounds terribly theatrical.
Your Highness, if I were the Phantom, I'd have chosen my victim already.
Really? And who would that be?
Well, who owns the most fabulous diamond in the world?
I suppose I do.
Exactly. The Pink Panther. Such a prize he could never resist. He would be bound to try for it.
I'm afraid he'd be disappointed. The Pink Panther is in my safe, at...
If I'm not being too nosy your highness, I read somewhere there was some dispute over the ownership of the Pink Panther.
It belongs to me. It was a gift from my late father. I shall never surrender it.
Why should you?
When the present government seized power, they claimed the diamond was the property of the people. There's even some talk of the international court deciding the issue.
I'll tell you what, why don't I steal the diamond, leave that old glove or whatever it is behind, and you and I can split the insurance.
All right.
I feel like dancing. [to Princess Dala] Your Highness?
I'd love to.