Napoleon Dynamite quotes

View Quote Back in '82, I used to be able to toss a pigskin a quarter of a mile.

View Quote Your grandma took a spill at the sand dunes today. Broke her coccyx!

View Quote Napoleon: [referring to the dance] Who are you gonna ask?
Pedro: That girl over there.
Napoleon: Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that?
Pedro: Build her a cake or something.

View Quote Uncle Rico: So, what do you think?
Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess.
Uncle Rico: Ohhhh, man, I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state.
Napoleon: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
Uncle Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.
Napoleon: You guys are ****ed!

View Quote Don: [playing kickball] Hey, Napoleon. Did you wet the bed last night?
Napoleon: Hey, Don. Did you take a dump in your bed last night?
Don: I could kick your butt, Napoleon, so I'd shut up.
Napoleon: Why don't you go tell your mom to shut up?
Don: What did you just say?
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna say!
Don: Did you just say something about my mom?
Napoleon: Maybe I did, maybe I didn't!
Don: Do you wanna die, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Yeah, right. Who's the only one here knows illegal ninja moves from the government?
Don: [steps up to Napoleon] Step up, Napoleon.
[Napoleon slaps him, then runs away.]

View Quote Vern: What are you going to do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!
Napoleon: (takes a bottle of juice from the refrigerator and stops short) Who are you?
Lafawnduh: I'm Lafawnduh.
Napoleon: What are you doing here?
Lafawnduh: Waiting for Kip. (short pause) Why are you so sweaty? (points at him)
Napoleon: 'Been practicing.
Lafawnduh: Practicing what?
Napoleon: My dance moves (compulsively turns his head and takes a swig of juice).

View Quote Deb: And here we have some boondoggle keychains. A must-have for this season's fashion.
Napoleon: I already made, like, infinity of those at scout camp.
Deb: Well, is anyone else here? I'm trying to earn money for college.
Kip: [in the background] Your mom goes to college!
[Deb shoves the case into Napoleon's hands and runs away]

View Quote Uncle Rico: What about your girlfriend?
Kip: Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours everyday so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.

View Quote Napoleon: Well, what is there to eat?
Grandma: Knock it off, Napoleon! Make yourself a dang quesadilla!
Napoleon: Fine!

View Quote Man I wish I could go back in time... I'd take state.

View Quote Kip: So how long are we talking about working?
Uncle Rico: What,are you already losing your steam?
Kip: No, I just... I have a chat room meeting at four. I gotta be back here by then.
Uncle Rico: All right, you just start a little earlier, that's all. Or else work afterwards. How long is the chat room?
Kip: Jeez, sometimes up to 3 or 4 hours maybe... maybe not...
Uncle Rico: You pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like for minutes on the phone?
Kip: Yeah, grandma's still paying per minute. She gets kinda pissed at me sometimes cause I'm on there so long.
Uncle Rico: I bet she does. I'll tell you something, I'd be throwing you out the window.

View Quote Yeah, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff.

View Quote Lafawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm 100% positive she's my soul mate. Don't worry Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. Peace out.

View Quote [Kip is singing to Lafawnduh after they are pronounced husband and wife] Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever... We met in a chat room, now our love can fully bloom... Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make me salivate... Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But still, I love technology... Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above... always and forever, always and forever... Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever...

View Quote Napoleon: My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn't cause she's doing some modeling right now.
Pedro: Is she hot?
Napoleon: See for yourself. [hands him Deb's glamor shot sample]
Pedro: Wow.
Napoleon: Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamor shots for her birthday one year.
Pedro: I like her bangs.
Napoleon: Me too.