(looking around appreciatively as he drives through a forest)
Ah, a bear in his natural habitat: a Studebaker.
Kermit
Jim Henson · 14 quotes
Fozzie
5 quotes
Miss Piggy
Frank Oz · 5 quotes
Sweetums
Richard Hunt · 5 quotes
Most scenes together: Kermit & Fozzie (5), Kermit & Miss Piggy (3)
The Muppets Movie quotes
Page 1 of 3Why are there so many songs about rainbows And what's on the other side? Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, And rainbows have nothing to hide. So we've been told and some choose to believe it I know they're wrong, wait and see. Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Doc Hopper and Clan [Animal mighty roars at Doc Hopper and his villains before they're gonna run away]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Max, who's not screaming, gives Kermit and the gang thumps up with a smile and leaves] [surprised, relieved, then turns to his friends]
Everybody, on to Hollywood!
[Muppets cheering]
Doctor Max Krassman [As Miss Piggy karate chops the henchmen]
What the heck's goin' on here? A pig that goes bananas? What is this, a luau?!
Bernie the Agent HELP! HELLO! THIS'S A SERIOUS CALL FOR HELP!
Uh, Yeah?
Bernie the Agent SOMEONE? HELP! Oh, You, you with the banjo. Can you help me? I have lost my sense of direction!
Have you tried Hare Krishna?
Bernie the Agent (chuckles)
No. No, I mean, I'm really lost.
Uh, one second. (snaps at fly) Darn, I missed. You know, that's the first thing to go on a frog, his tongue. The tongue goes and you can't catch flies.
Bernie the Agent Oh, that's rough, I'm sorry about your tongue, but, I have to get out of this swamp. I have to catch a plane.
With that tongue? No way! But seriously, there's a boat dock just downstream.
Bernie the Agent Thank you.
Just watch for the alligators.
Bernie the Agent I will. Alligators!?
That's right.
Bernie the Agent Did you say, alligators?
Read my lips "Al-li-ga-tors".
Bernie the Agent It's just that I'm not used to alligators where I come from. See, I'm an agent. I winged in from Hollywood.
Hollywood?
Bernie the Agent: That's right.
Did you say "Hollywood"?
Bernie the Agent Read my lips, Hol-ly-wood. You know, [singing] Hollywood. The dream factory, the magic store. Hey, don't you ever go to the movies?
Oh, sure, there's a double feature in town every Saturday.
Bernie the Agent (Snaps his finger)
Wait a minute, wait a minute. (Grabs the newspaper ad to Kermit to read) There's an ad in here that you should be very interested in. Feast your eyes on that.
Uh, "World Wide Studios announces open auditions for frogs wishing to become rich and famous?" Well, thanks anyway, but I'm really pretty happy where I am.
Bernie the Agent Oh, oh, if I were you, I would give this audition very careful consideration. You've got talent, kid--singin', tellin' jokes, I mean, if you get your tongue fixed, who knows? You could make millions of people happy.
Millions of people happy...
Bernie the Agent Millions! Hey, If you ever come west to Hollywood, look me up, Bernie the Agent.
Hey, listen, Bernie the agent, why don't you say hello to Arnie the alligator?
Bernie the Agent What!? (rows away in a panic, yelling as the alligators pursues him)
Arnie! Arnie, wait a minute. Careful, Arnie.
Bernie the Agent STAY! STAY!
Arnie, that's okay, leave him alone! He's from Hollywood.
Camilla the Chicken Clucking
[watching Gonzo, who's holding a bunch of helium balloons, fly by]
Gonzo! What're you doing?
Gonzo About seven knots!
Doctor Max Krassman I must reach the switch, I must. Reach it....
HAI-YAH! (Crashes into the machine) (To Kermit) Come out, Kermit!
Doctor Max Krassman [Miss Piggy kicks the mad doctor and sets off the machine] (Screams when he leans on the chair)
, Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit! Ha! (He faints)
Kermit, where're we?
[looking at a map]
Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little green line here, and uh, just crossed that little pink line over here.
[takes his eyes off the road to focus on the map]
Look, why don't we just take that little blue line, huh?
We can't take that. That's a river.
Oh. I knew that.
Yeah sure.
Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...
Yeah?
Who's driving?
A motorcycle cop is chasing us! [We see a police officer on motorcycle chasing the bus] Hey, Dr. Teeth, You better pull over.
Dr. Teeth
Easier done than said. [The police officer gets off his motor cycle]. Hey! Hey! Hey! It's the man with the badge. The police, the cops, the fuzz, the P.I....
DON'T YOU DARE!!
Dr. Teeth
I wouldn't think of it.
Did we do something wrong, Officer?
[The police officer reveals to be Doc Hopper's friend, Max] .
Crowd
Oh, look.
Kermit, it's him.
Okay, guys. Let him explain.
Max This whole disguise is so that I can warn you.
Yeah, sure.
Max I never thought Doc was gonna hurt Kermit, I thought he was gonna lean on him! But now he's got this frog killer in from the coast! And the man's deadly!
[Everybody gasps]
Hey, Dr. Teeth! What's straight ahead?
Dr. Teeth
Just an old ghost town.
Good. Just tell Doc Hopper, I will wait for him there.
Max WHAT?!?
But, Kermit! You are going to get killed!
Hey, listen. I cannot spend my whole life running away from bullies. It's time for a showdown.
The El Sleezo Cafe. Hmm, Foreign food. Well, It doesn't smell promising. But a frog's gotta eat. (Gasps when a man is kicked out of the cafe) (to the man) Wow! Rough place, Huh?
The El Sleezo Cafe owner That's the toughest, meanest, filthiest pest over the face of the earth!
Well, Why not complain to the owner?
The El Sleezo Cafe owner I am the owner!
Right frog.
I didn't promise anybody anything. What do I know about Hollywood, anyway? Just a dream I got from sitting through too many double features.
So why did you leave the swamp in the first place?
'Cause some agent fella said I had talent. He probably says that to everybody.
On the other hand, if you hadn't left the swamp, you'd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow.
Yeah. But then it would just be me feeling miserable. Now I got a lady pig, and a bear and a chicken, a dog, a thing, whatever Gonzo is. He's a little like a turkey.
Mmm - Yeah. A little like a turkey, but not much.
No I guess not. Anyhow, I brought them all out here to the middle of nowhere, and it's all my fault.
Still, whether you promised them something or not, you gotta remember - they wanted to come.
But... that's because they believed in me.
No, they believed in the dream.
Well, so do I but...
You do?
Yeah! Of course I do.
Well then?
Well then... I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me.
Uh, Miss Piggy, Is that you?
Doc Hopper Yes, That's her. And this is Doc Hopper. Let me tell you something. Come outside of the hotel right now. My guys will be waiting for you.
But what if I don't!
Doc Hopper Then your pig friend will be ham-hocked for breakfast.
(Screams)
No, Kermie. Don't don't.....
[Doc Hopper hangs up the phone and laughs at Miss Piggy]
Where did you learn to drive?
I took a correspondence course.
Lew Lord (CEO and chairman of World Wide Studios) (To the intercom)
Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'rich and famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and company.