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John Smith quotes

[hitman from the BMW opens the van's left door. John opens the other van door and yanks the hitman through] These doors are handy.

You looked like Christmas morning.

Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!

[after firing a rocket launcher] We should so not be allowed to buy these.

I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.

Does that include weekends? [when asked how many times they have sex]

Web of lies!

We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.

Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punchline is you die.

[after his wife checks his crotch for a weapon] That's all John, sweetheart.

[hotwiring a neighbor's minivan] He's had my barbecue set for months.

[after Jane accidentally throws a knife that punctures his leg] We'll talk about this later.

I can't believe I brought my real parents to our wedding.

[after having accidentally shot at his wife, Mr. Smith is on the roof of her car while she's trying to throw him off] Come on, let's talk about this! You don't want to go to bed angry!

Let's see if we can't get a tune out of this trombone.

We're going to have to re-do every conversation we've ever had.

****ers get younger every year. [After beating up an agent who attempts to stop them from taking the mini van.]

I said, I said I saw your Dad on Fantasy Island!

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