Bertie Oh shit, I gotta pee!
Played by Ellen Pompeo 
Moonlight Mile (2002) · 26 quotes
Moonlight Mile (2002) · 26 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Moonlight Mile (2002): in 15 of its 26 quotes
Most scenes with: Joe Nast (12), Jo Jo Floss (3)
We've never actually met. I'm your route manager. I helped Joe here do some bin diving, dig up your invites. Really excellent paper selection. [pause] I... I'm sorry we couldn't complete the postal cycle for you.
More lines from Bertie
1 quote Bertie Scenes with Bertie
13 scenes
Ben Floss
[Jo Jo is throwing self help books into a fire]
Those were gifts.
"Grieving for Grownups"?
Ben Floss
They're supposed to be helpful.
Please. THIS is helpful.
[Throws another book into the fire]
Bertie You played my song.
June Mulcahey [referring to Diana's death]
He didn't tell me that you were...still tied up in all that?
Really?
June Mulcahey No.
Well, you know, it was kind of a deal, the whole thing. The clean-up alone took days. You'd be amazed at what a mess a high-caliber weapon can make, an in a restaurant, all those little pieces of - all of - well anyway, let's just say it was pretty time-consuming. Then you got the whole burial to deal with. This whole coffin business - much more complicated than people think. Standard sizes? Dream on! Had to custom-fit the whole deal. Had a tailor come out, do her size right then and there. Do you know how hard it is to have a tailor come out to do house calls? And on a school night? I mean [laughs] this is pulling teeth, you know what I'm saying? And then, you know, of course you got the house to deal with, and that's a whole other ordeal, you know? Cause who wants her stuff around, right? I mean, that's a valuable room, why waste it? So, you slog through that and, yeah, next thing you know a couple of weeks have gone by and your thinking to yourself "Man oh man, am I still tied up with all this? Where did the time go?"
Bertie You think?
Mike Mulcahey Joe, what kind of man do you take me for? Prisoner of History?
Not on appearance?
Mike Mulcahey Mired in - in convention or...
Uh... I'm guessing "no"?
Mike Mulcahey Joe, we are brothers. I'm younger than you are. I'm a man of your time. What do we brother's lack?
So - uh, so many things?
Mike Mulcahey One thing!... one...time!
Bertie You think if you just run around fast enough, figure out what everyone wants, no one's gonna notice what a coward you are? Are you that scared? - You sleep in that house, eat their food... you act like everyday's just another Sunday...You think if you just keep it up, these people won't notice their daughter's missing?
What are we doing that's so different? - Lend a hand, Bertie! There's not a body in that bar that thinks Cal McGinnis is ever coming home! [pause] You think I don't know that you're never gonna make room in your life for someone who want's to know you better than 60 lousy percent?
It's the last 40 that counts!
Bertie [whispers]
Where'd you go, Joe?
You never smoked did you, Joe?
No.
Diana said you had sweet breath - the very first thing she told me... At least the girl had her priorities straight. [pause] Joe, what do you think you're gonna do... without our girl?
Jo-Jo, I have no idea.
Promise you'll let me know when you do. [pause] Of course, I'd like you to remain celibate for the rest of your life, but it's negotiable.
Bertie So, did you ever see that "Lucy" episode where she's in this big vat stomping grapes, making wine?... I feel like that everytime I cimb in. I pretend I'm in Italy [Bertie and Joe get into the mail bin] Feeling Italian?
Uh - no, not just yet.
Bertie Give it a sec.
Bertie So, did you come back for that drink?
That song at the bar, that was yours?
Bertie He never actually heard it... but...
...But he knew you pretty well?
Bertie About 60%
June Mulcahey Must keep you very busy. You must value your free time.
Free time?
June Mulcahey You know- going out, recreation.
I - uh, not of late, no.
June Mulcahey No?
Yeah. Lately I've been a little, preoccupied.
June Mulcahey [smiling]
Oh, I see. Other interests.
My fiance's death.
I'm doing an accounting, the real her, the Diana facts. [reading from a piece of paper] "Number 92- laughed like a pig. Full-throated, nasal snorts". Huh? I mean, this is the stuff! **** the perfume, give me the warts! [pause] You.
[chuckles]
Ew. Those really ratty sandals she always loved to wear. They always made this incredible farting sound everytime she moved.
Bertie So, commercial real-estate?
Commercial real-estate.
Bertie What the hell does that mean?
Bertie And this is what you want to do?
Not really.
Bertie Oh, and what do you want to do?
I want to figure out what I want to do.
Bertie So you're kind of in "Escrow" at the moment?... real-estate term.
Yeah, I recognized that one.