[Mr Brown answers the door of his home to find two men dressed in white labcoats.]
Hello. Uh... can we have your liver?
What?
Your liver. It's a large, uh... glandular organ in your abdomen.
[Mr Brown just stares at the labcoated men.]
You know, it's, uh... it's reddish-brown; it's sort of, uh...
Yeah, y-yeah, I know what it is, but... I'm using it! I...
[The labcoated men push into the house. The second man holds Mr Brown against the wall.]
Go on, sir! Don't muck us up, now!
[The first labcoated man searches him and pulls out a card.]
Hel-lo! What's this, then?
A liver donor's card.
Need we say more?
No!
Listen! I can't give it to you now. It says, 'in the event of death'. Uh. Oh! Ah. Ah. Eh.
No one who has ever had their liver taken out by us has survived.
Agh.
Just lie there, sir. It won't take a minute.
[The Labcoats remove and break Mr Brown's liver.]
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
Zip it up.
[singing]
So, remember when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth!
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger-all down here on planet Earth.
[Large corporate boardroom filled with suited executives]
Which brings us once again to the urgent realization if how much there is still left to Own. Item six on the agenda: "The Meaning of Life" Now uh, Harry, you've had some thoughts on this.
Yeah, I've had a team working on this over the past few weeks, and what we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts. One: People aren't wearing enough hats. Two: Matter is energy. In the universe there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person's soul. However, this "soul" does not exist ab initio as orthodox Christianity teaches; it has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved owing to man's unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.
What was that about hats again?
Oh, Uh... people aren't wearing enough.
Is this true?
Certainly. Hat sales have increased but not pari passu, as our research...
[Interrupting]
"Not wearing enough"? Enough for what purpose?
Can I just ask, with reference to your second point, when you say souls don't develop because people become distracted... has anyone noticed that building there before?!
[all of the board members are worried]
Good Lord!
[It's the return of The Crimson Permanent Assurance! A pirate goes out of it and crashes through the window.]
Good Lord! The Crimson Permanent Assurance!
We interrupt this film to apologise for this unwarranted attack by the supporting feature. Luckily, we have been prepared for this eventuality, and are now taking steps to remedy it. [another skyscraper falls down on the Crimson Permanent Assurance building] Thank you.
