P Padre
[As Arthur Jarrett is chased off a cliff by a crowd of nearly naked women in motorcycle helmets...]
Arthur Charles Herbert Runcie MacAdam Jarrett, you have been convicted by twelve good persons and true... of the crime of first-degree making of gratuitous, sexist jokes in a moving picture.
DM Distraught Male Voice
I just can't go on. I'm not good any more, goodbye... goodbye... aaaargh... Aaaargh.
DF Distraught Female Voice
[a leaf falls to the ground]
Oh my God. What'll I do? I can't live without him... I... aaaargh.
DC Distraught Children's Voices
[Another leaf falls]
Mummy... Mummy... Mummy... Daddy...?
[Two more leaves fall] '
MD More Distraught Voices
Oh no! Aaaargh!
G Geoffrey
[the rest of the leaves fall at once] [Geoffrey is confronted by a hooded figure with a scythe.]
Yes? [Pause.] Is it about the hedge?
[Death interrupts an elegant party.]
Silence! I... have... come... for... you.
A Angela
You mean... to...?
Take you... away. That is my purpose. I... am... Death.
G Geoffrey
Well, that's cast rather a gloom over the evening, hasn't it?
HK Howard Katzenberg
[I]
don't see it that way, Geoff. Let me tell you what we're dealing with here. A potentially positive learning experience that can—
SHUT UP! Shut up, you American! You always talk, you Americans. You talk, and you talk, and say "let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say this". Well, you're dead now, so shut up!
HK Howard Katzenberg
Dead?
G Geoffrey
Now, look here! You barge in here, quite uninvited, break glasses, and then announce, quite casually, that we're all dead. Well, I would remind you that you are a guest in this house, and—
G Geoffrey
[With a bony finger, the Grim Repear pokes Geoffrey in the eye.]
Ah! Oh.
Be quiet! Englishmen, you're all so **** pompous. None of you have got any balls at all.
G Geoffrey
How did we all die at the same time?
[the grim reaper points at one of the platters on the table]
The Salmon mousse.
G Geoffery
Dearest, you didn't use canned salmon, did you?
G Geoffrey
[is confronted by a hooded figure with a scythe]
Yes? [pause] Is it about the hedge?
The Grim Reaper. I am Death.
G Geoffrey
Yes, I see. Well, the thing is, we've got some people from America over for dinner tonight, and-
EW English wife
Who is it, darling?
G Geoffrey
It's a Mr. Death or something. He's come about the reaping? I don't think we need any at the moment.
G Geoffrey
Now look here. You barge in here quite uninvited, break glasses and announce quite casually that we're all dead. Well, I would remind you that you are a guest in this house, and-
[pokes Geoffrey in the eye]
Be quiet! You Englishmen! You're all so **** pompous. None of you have got any balls!
AW American wife
Can I just ask you a question?
AW American wife
How can we all have died at the same time?
[turns and points]
The salmon mousse.
G Geoffrey
[Everyone except the Grim Reaper is shocked by this revelation]
Darling, you didn't use canned salmon, did you?
EW English wife
I'm most dreadfully embarrassed.
Now, the time has come. Follow. Follow me.
G Geoffrey
[Geoffrey stands up, picks up a pistol and fires 5 shots, which all pass through the Grim Reaper, who turns round] [sheepishly]
Just testing...sorry
