Jo Mitchell quotes from Mean Girls 2 (2011)

View Quote (voiceover) There are times in your life when you find yourself in very awkward situations. And this would be one of those moments. But I swear, it’s not like I’m selling my kidney or anything. Although, that would have been less painful. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning. This is my dad. Dad built engines for race cars. And so did I. Ignore the pigtails. I was more naive back then. Because of his work, I changed schools two times a year for the past eight years. This doesn’t make me a loner with a highly evolved defense mechanism or anything. OK, fine, it does. Today, everything was about to change. It was my first day at North Shore High, the last stop before Carnegie Mellon University, my dream school. My rules of survival were simple: Don’t stand out, never raise your hand in class and watch your back at all times. New town, same school, same parking lot. Everyone obsessed with the freedom of their first car. It’s an identity, like the muscle cars who think they own the road, and check out every passing vehicle. Smart cars who don’t fit in. The “I’m so perky I might shake off my tube top” cutesy cars. And then there’s the most dangerous vehicle on the road, the high-performance, high-maintenance sports cars. If they liked you, your life was all green lights. If they didn’t, you were nothing more than a wreck on the side of the road. At North Shore, they were called the Plastics, and Mandi Weatherly was the number one Plastic. She dotted her name with a signature heart above the “i”. Probably because she didn’t actually possess that organ. Her two sidekicks were Chastity Meyer, who was stupid enough to hit a home run with any boy willing to play, and Hope Plotkin, uber-hypochondriac, who believed that germs led to ugliness, and ugliness led to death. And thus, my number one rule for survival: no girl drama. Actually, no drama, period. And in high school, an already embarrassing moment can go from bad… to worse.

View Quote Not everything is about you, Mandi. Especially not my love life. At least I have one. Where’s your boyfriend on your birthday?

View Quote (voiceover) And we didn’t just stop there. Abby, Quinn and I set out to disband the Plastics once and for all. We called ourselves the Anti-Plastics. Not very original, but it got the point across. We gathered our forces. But as the Anti-Plastics grew, Mandi started recruiting for her side. It was time to break apart the founding members, starting with Chastity. So we simply tipped Principal Duvall. Her weakness: a raging libido.

View Quote (voiceover) For Hope, who’d been a hypochondriac since contracting mono from a water fountain, we said goodbye to Mandi’s “no bodily fluids” rule. Hope booked an emergency healing massage and seaweed facial. Unfortunately, there was a mix-up at the spa, and Hope ended up resembling the Wicked Witch of the West. It still hadn’t faded after an entire weekend.

View Quote (voiceover) With Chastity and Hope down, there was only one Plastic left.

View Quote Abby Hanover: Is it true?! Did my dad pay you to be friends with me?!! Well, Quinn finally got her big story. And not only that; she also quoted Mandi as a witness.
Jo Mitchell: But… why would Quinn do such a thing like this? (to Quinn) How could you?! I was gonna tell Abby everything.
Quinn Shinn: Let’s face it, Jo. The Plastics are the originals, and they don’t have to pay anyone to be their friend.
Jo: No! You just sold out your friends for free!
Abby: Oh, what, like you sold me out? God, I trusted you! And this is how you repay me!! You know what? You can go to hell, Jo Mitchell! I wish I never even met you!

View Quote Principal Ron Duvall: Miss Mitchell, I just received an anonymous tip today that you stole the money.
Jo: That’s a lie. I would never do that.
Principal Duvall: Well, apparently you did. We had a policeman go to your shed this afternoon. And I’m afraid we found the stolen money.
Jo: I didn’t steal it, I swear! Somebody must’ve put it there, and… I would bet anything it was Mandi.
Principal Duvall: Well, now, Miss Weatherly may be the spawn of Satan, but unless you have proof, there’s nothing I can do except expel you.
Jo: (voiceover) It officially couldn’t get much worse.
Principal Duvall: I’m also sorry to say that I’m gonna have to report this to Carnegie Mellon, and they very well may rescind your admission.

View Quote Mandi Weatherly: I knew it. I knew it all along, and I tried to warn people. I tried to protect you all from her.
Hope Plotkin: Mandi, you are like a saint.
Chastity Meyer: Yeah, a total saint.
Quinn: Oh, yeah; and a real martyr.
Jo: You mean a real bitch!!
Principal Duvall: Wait! I am sorry, but as much as we all might like that, I’m afraid I can’t let it happen.
Mandi: This is crazy!! Shouldn’t she be locked up in juvie or something?!
Principal Duvall: Girls, why don’t we go back to my office and settle this like ladies…
Jo: Screw being ladies, and screw being girls! I am sick and tired of the mind games, the backstabbing and the set-ups. I know you framed me, Mandi. So we’re gonna settle this like men, on the battlefield.
Mandi: Oh, please.
Jo: That’s right. I challenge you… to a football game, powder puff style.
Mandi: No way. I… I don’t do sports.
Jo: Oh, you scared? Can’t take the heat, Mandi? I thought you were the best at everything. I thought people trembled in the presence of the PIastics. You wanna win? The only way you’re gonna become queen is by default.
Mandi: Fine. You’re on. But be prepared to lose. You know, you and your team of one.
Jo: (voiceover) I realized a little too late that for the first time in my life, I no longer had any friends. But if I had to take on all the Plastics by myself, I would.
Principal Duvall: All right, let’s get to class, everybody. Hang out in the hallway.
Tyler Adams: Do you really think she did it?
Abby: I don’t know anymore. Certainly not about Jo.