Jean Harrington Not good enough...they're not good enough for him. Every Jane in the room is giving him the thermometer and he feels they're just a waste of time. He's returning to his book, he's deeply immersed in it. He sees no one except - watch his head turn when that kid goes by. It won't do you any good, dear, he's a bookworm, but swing 'em anyway. Oh, now how about this one. How would you like that hanging on your Christmas tree? Oh you wouldn't? Well, what is your weakness, brother? Holy smoke, the dropped kerchief! That hasn't been used since Lily Langtry. You'll have to pick it up yourself, madam. It's a shame, but he doesn't care for the flesh. He'll never see it.
Jean Harrington Look at that girl over to his left. Look over to your left, bookworm. There's a girl pining for ya. A little further. Just a little further. There. Wasn't that worth looking for? See those nice store teeth all beaming at you. She recognizes you. She's up, she's down. She can't make up her mind. She's up again. She recognizes you. She's coming over to speak to you. The suspense is killing me. 'Why for heaven's sake, aren't you Fuzzy Oathammer I went to manual training school with in Louisville? Oh you're not? Well, you certainly look exactly like him. It's certainly a remarkable resemblance. But you're not going to ask me to sit down. I suppose you're not going to ask me to sit down. I'm very sorry. I certainly hope I haven't caused you any embarrassment, you so and so.'
Jean Harrington [after Charles tells her he knew she was a con-artist and he romanced and dumped her on purpose]
You mean you were playing me for a sucker? I don't believe it. But if you were, if you were just trying to make me feel cheap and hurt me, you succeeded handsomely. You ought to be very proud of yourself, Mr. Pike, very proud of yourself.
Jean I don't see why I have to do all the dirty work. There must be plenty of rich old dames waiting for you to push them around.
You find them, I'll push them.
Jean Boy, would I like to see you give some old harpie the three in one!
Don't be vulgar, Jane. Let us be crooked, but never common.
Jean What were you doing up the Amazon?
Looking for snakes. I'm an ophiologist.
Jean I thought you were in the beer business.
Jean What's the difference?
Jean Yes.
My father'd burst a blood vessel if he heard you say that. There's a big difference. Ale's sort of fermented on the top or something, and beer's fermented on the bottom, or maybe it's the other way around. There's no similarity at all. You see, the trouble with being descended from a brewer, no matter how long ago he brewered, or whatever you call it, you're supposed to know all about something you don't give a hoot about.
Jean We'd better get back now.
Yes, I guess so. You see, where I've been, I mean up the Amazon, you kind of forget how, I mean, when you haven't seen a girl in a long time. I mean, there's something about that perfume that...
Jean Don't you like my perfume?
Like it! I'm ****-eyed on it!
Jean Why Hopsie! You ought to be kept in a cage!
Snakes are my life, in a way.
Jean What a life!
I suppose it does sound sorta silly. I mean, I suppose I shoulda married and settled down. I imagine my father always wanted me to. As a matter of fact, he's told me so rather plainly. I just never cared for the brewing business.
Jean Oh, you say that's why you've never married?
Oh no. It's just I've never met her. I suppose she's around somewhere in the world.
Jean It would be too bad if you never bumped into each other.
Jean I-I suppose you know what she looks like and everything.
Jean I'll bet she looks like Marguerite in Faust.
Oh no, she isn't, I mean, she hasn't, she's not as bulky as an opera singer.
Jean Oh. How are her teeth?
Jean Well, you should always pick one out with good teeth. It saves expense later.
Oh, now you're kidding me.
Jean Not badly. You have a right to have an ideal. Oh, I guess we all have one.
What does yours look like?
Jean He's a little short guy with lots of money.
Jean What does it matter if he's rich? It's so he'll look up to me. So I'll be his ideal.
That's a funny kind of reason.
Jean Well, look who's reasoning. And when he takes me out to dinner, he'll never add up the check and he won't smoke greasy cigars or use grease on his hair. And, oh yes, he, he won't do card tricks.
Jean Oh, it's not that I mind your doing card tricks, Hopsie. It's just that you naturally wouldn't want your ideal to do card tricks.
I shouldn't think that kind of ideal was so difficult to find.
Jean Oh he isn't. That's why he's my ideal. What's the sense of having one if you can't ever find him? Mine is a practical ideal you can find two or three of in every barber shop - getting the works.
Why don't you marry one of them?
Jean Why should I marry anybody that looked like that? When I marry, it's gonna be somebody I've never seen before. I mean I won't know what he looks like or where he'll come from of what he'll be. I want him to sort of - take me by surprise.
Jean That's right. And the night will be heavy with perfume. And I'll hear a step behind me and somebody breathing heavily, and then...[She moans and sighs softly as she stretches back on the chaise] You'd better go to bed, Hopsie. I think I can sleep peacefully now.
I wish I could say the same.
Jean Why Hopsie!
I was just gonna say I could imagine a life with you being a series of ups and downs, lights and shadows, some irritation, but very much happiness.
Jean Why Hopsie! Are you proposing to me so soon?
No, of course not. I'm just...
Jean Then you ought to be more careful. People have been sued for much less.
Jean Don't you know it's dangerous to trust people you don't know very well?
But I know you very well.
Jean No, I mean the people you haven't known very long.
I've known you a long time in a way.
Jean I think I'm in love with the poor fish, snakes and all...He's kinda touched something in my heart and I'd give a lot to be, well I mean I, I'm going to be exactly the way he thinks I am, the way he'd like me to be.
I'm sure that's very noble, Jean, and I wish you all the happiness in the world - all the little boys and all the little girls you want.
Jean And you'll go straight too, won't you, Harry?
Jean Oh, you know what I mean. You can come and live with us, and you too Gerald - part of the time, anyway. We'll probably have a very beautiful place. Think how peaceful you can be.
Playing cribbage with Gerald. I can just see myself roaming around your estate with a weedsticker and fifty cents a week. And a pair of new slippers for Christmas. The trouble with people who reform is they always want to rain on everybody else's parade too. You tend to your knitting. I'll play the cards.
Jean Not with him.
Children don't respect their parents any more.
I've just understood something. You see, every time I've looked at you here on the boat it wasn't only here I saw you. You seemed to go way back. I know that isn't clear but I, I saw you here and at the same time further away, and then still further away and then very small, like converging perspective lines. No, that isn't it, it's like, like people following each other in a forest glade. Only way back there you were a little girl with short dresses and your hair falling to your shoulders and a little boy is standing with you holding your hand, and in the middle distance I'm still with you, not holding your hand anymore because it isn't manly, but wanting to. And then still further, we look terrible, you with your legs like a colt and mine like a calf. What I'm trying to say is, only I'm not a poet, I'm an ophiologist, I've always loved you. I mean I've never loved anyone but you. I know that sounds dull as a drug store novel, and what I see inside I'll never be able to cast into words, but that's what I mean. I wish we were married and on our honeymoon now.
Jean So do I. But it isn't as simple as all that, Hopsie. I'm terribly in love, and you seem to be too, so one of us has to think and try and keep things clear. And maybe I can do that better than you can. They say a moonlit deck is a woman's business office.
Jean You see, Hopsie, you don't know very much about girls! The best ones aren't as good as you probably think they are, and the bad ones aren't as bad. Not nearly as bad. So I suppose you're right to worry, falling in love with an adventuress on the high seas.
Jean Of course I am. All women are. They have to be. If you waited for a man to propose to you from natural causes, you'd die of old maidenhood. That's why I let you try my slippers on. And then I put my cheek against yours. And then I made you put your arms around me. And then I, I fell in love with you, which wasn't in the cards.
Jean [Charles shows her the photo of her and her father, identifying them as con-artists]
Rotten likeness, isn't it? I never cared for that picture...Please don't look so upset, darling. I was going to tell you when we got to New York. I would have told you last night, only it wouldn't have been fair to Harry and Gerald. I mean you, you never know how someone's going to take things like that. And well, maybe I wanted you to love me a little more too. You believe me, don't you? You don't think I was gonna marry you without telling you? You don't think that badly of me? Or do you?
Jean You really haven't the right to drag me off like this, Hopsie...Why didn't you take me in your arms that day...Why did you let me go? Why did we have to go through all this nonsense? Don't you know you're the only man I ever loved? Don't you know I couldn't look at another man if I wanted to? And don't you know I waited all my life for you, you big mug.
Jean For what? Oh you mean, on the boat. The question is, can you forgive me?
Jean Oh, you still don't understand.
I don't want to understand. I don't want to know. Whatever it is, keep it to yourself. All I know is I adore you. I'll never leave you again. We'll work it out somehow. There's just one thing. I feel it's only fair to tell you. It would never have happened except she looked so exactly like you. And I have no right to be in your cabin.
Jean Why?
Jean But so am I, darling. So am I.
