Clyde Martin When did you first begin masturbating? Old Woman I invented masturbation. Alfred Kinsey [reading from Ideal Marriage: Its Physiology and Technique]: "The hand should never be used for the purpose of sexual excitation. There is but one finger of love with which to approach the female genitals and that is the male organ." Clyde Martin Sex is a risky game, because if you're not careful, it will cut you wide open.