Sister Paxton quotes from Heretic (2024)

Sister Paxton

From now on, if he lands a philosophical point that we don’t agree with, we challenge him. We make him think. He doesn’t have to steamroll us. We might not be a physical threat, but we can be an intellectual one.

Sister Paxton

Praying…doesn’t work. Have you ever heard of the Great Prayer Experiment? They divided patients into groups. Those who received prayers and those who didn’t. The results of the study were conclusive. It doesn’t work. But I think it’s beautiful that we all pray for each other…even though we all probably know it doesn’t make a difference. It’s just nice to think about someone other than yourself. Even if it’s you.

Mr. Reed

I want to ask an awkward, uh, an icky question, an insensitive question that I think will add depth to our conversation very quickly before the sun goes down and we’re done for the evening. But only if you’re comfortable with that.

Sister Barnes

Well, we won’t know if we’re comfortable until you ask, so…

Mr. Reed

Fair point.

Sister Barnes

Maybe you just ask?

Mr. Reed

Okay. [clicks tongue]

Sister Paxton

If you don’t ask, I’m gonna leave here wondering what we missed out on.

Mr. Reed

Very well. My question is this. Um… [sighs] Now I feel it’s been built up to. Uh… Should I request a drum roll? I’m going to request a drum roll. A drum roll please, ladies!

Mr. Reed

Keep going! Keep going! Keep going! More! More! More! Now, I… I… I… my question is, how do you feel about polygamy? How do you… how do you feel about the concept of a man having multiple wives?

Sister Paxton

I mean, it’s… it’s not for me, um…

Sister Barnes

Are you asking from a biblical perspective?

Mr. Reed

Uh, Mormonism has a controversial history with the misogynist practice of men claiming multiple wives. But I am fascinated by the idea of Modern Revelation, which was used to erase this behavior from the church in 1890. I just think that’s worthy of conversation.

Sister Barnes

Yeah? Uh…

Mr. Reed

And what I mean by that is that we’re discussing a church that decided that a controversial practice was a stain on its reputation, and an actual hindrance to recruiting new members, and so it used revelation, word of God told unto the prophet to banish a provocative religious pillar that seemed unsavory in contemporary times.

Sister Barnes

Yeah, I know that, um, it may be difficult to understand, um, but, uh, polygamy was a spiritual mission needed at the time in order to grow the ranks of our membership in the wake of much hardship and bloodshed. Um… a man having plural wives meant more… more babies to help the community grow.

Mr. Reed

Hmm.

Sister Paxton

It’s, yeah, it’s sketchy for sure, to our modern brains.

Sister Barnes

And it was…it was removed from the church not just because it was grotesque or controversial, but just because it wasn’t necessary anymore.

Mr. Reed

You see, I worry, and…forgive my loud language, uh, I worry that Joseph Smith used the concept of polygamy to legitimize his affairs with other women. I worry that Joseph’s wife, Emma Smith, was upset when he slept with Fanny Alger, their sixteen year old maid. I worry that he formulated a plan to use revelation for consequence-free sex in the aftermath of that indiscretion and others like it. You know, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

Sister Paxton

Spiderman.

Mr. Reed

Voltaire.

Sister Paxton

Right.

Mr. Reed

I guess what I would pose to the room is my concern that polygamy has no spiritual bearing whatsoever. That is somewhat of a distortion, I think… The church’s own history corroborates and implies this...cynical brainwashing tactic. Is that true?

Sister Barnes

I… I… I’m sorry, I… I’m not sure where you’re getting this.

Mr. Reed

If revelation by God is filtered through man and man is flawed and man sins and man lies, then how do we know any of it’s true?

Sister Paxton

We know it’s true because of how it makes us feel.

Mr. Reed

Bingo! [chuckles] That’s exactly right! That’s exactly right. Couldn’t agree more. It’s our personal relationship with God which matters.

Sister Paxton

So… so we just, uh, need your help with the door. Um…It’s…it’s a little tricky.

Mr. Reed

I’m sorry?

Sister Paxton

I think your door is a bit stuck out there.

Mr. Reed

The door won’t open.

Sister Paxton

The front door.

Mr. Reed

Yeah, the front door won’t open again.

Sister Paxton

It opened when we came in. [chuckles nervously]

Mr. Reed

Yeah.

Sister Paxton

Maybe if you unlock it, it will open?

Mr. Reed

No, no, I… I… I understand what you’re asking me, but, uh, the deadbolts are on a timer. I got carried away with our conversation, I didn’t realize the brace had been set. I should have pulled the pin when you came in, but I forgot. So if you are now regrettably ready to leave, you’ll have to exit through the back of my house.

Sister Paxton

Uh, where?

Mr. Reed

Just through here.

Sister Barnes

Well, can you just unlock the front one, please? We would like to go that way. Just so we don’t get turned around and confused when we get outside.

Mr. Reed

Yeah, it won’t open again ’til morning.

Mr. Reed

I am self aware enough to know how this might look. Older man, two young women in his house, but I assure you, you are welcome to leave through…through the back. You saw my house from the outside, right?

Sister Barnes

Mmhmm.

Mr. Reed

Right! So, you know it’s a tiny footprint. The back of the house is just there. Yeah. Anyway, I will leave you space to make your decision freely. Yeah. To clarify, I am trying…have been trying very hard to make it a point not to pressure you, so you shouldn’t even feel the need to fabricate a story about someone from your ward calling you to leave. It’s… perfectly fine. Leave when you want.

Sister Barnes

It wasn’t an excuse, they do need us back.

Mr. Reed

No, I know, but you’re saying you took a call with someone from your ward.

Sister Paxton

Yeah, a moment ago. But when you came inside, I asked if you were okay with the metal in the walls and ceilings.

Sister Paxton

What do you mean?

Mr. Reed

I mean that the metal obstructs cell phone signals, so I do know you didn’t take a call. But… [chuckles] Just to be clear, so you’re comfortable, it is totally fine for you to leave on your own accord. You never need to feel like you have to…make excuses or… or tell me little…little… little white lies.

Sister Barnes

So which door takes us outside?

Mr. Reed

Pff. Well… [chuckles] do you have a preference?

Sister Barnes

Wh… why would I have a preference?

Sister Paxton

Should we have a preference?

Mr. Reed

That is a fair question.

Sister Barnes

I think that you can tell that we’re regrettably uncomfortable with this situation here tonight.

Mr. Reed

I’m sorry, but didn’t you just say a moment ago that you saw the outside of my house? So then you clearly saw…that the back of my house overhangs a hill, so you would know that you have to go down…in order to go out.

Sister Barnes

I think it would be best for you and for all of us if you could help us go home because the Stake President, he knows where we are. And the Ward Missionaries know. And they’ll be expecting us.

sister Paxton

And there were witnesses, weren’t there, Sister Barnes? On our way here, we passed a police officer?

Mr. Reed

Whoa! The police? [chuckles] I promise you, you’re getting way, way, way, way too worked up.

Sister Barnes

Right. But I think that we’re scared because you lied to us earlier.

Mr. Reed

It is all terrifying, isn’t it? I’m sorry. It is. It is all…Scary. I’m scared. I’m scared just saying it out loud, really. If God is real, and he watches when we masturbate, and he has such a fragile ego that he only helps us when we beg him and shower him with praise, and he hates gay people for being what he made them to be, well, that’s terrifying. If there’s no God and we’re just horny, microscopic ants floating on a rock through space with no divine purpose and no hope to achieve eternal life, well… that’s terrifying too. “Either the church is true or it is a fraud. It is the church and kingdom of God, or it is nothing.” Do you agree with that? Would it help if I told you this is Gordon B. Hinckley, the 15th President of your church. Do you agree with Gordon?

Sister Paxton

Yes.

Sister Barnes

Mmhmm.

Mr. Reed

Thought you might. So either it is all true or none of it’s true, yes?

Sister Paxton

Yes.

Sister Barnes

Mmhmm.

Mr. Reed

Okay. Then I want you to choose which door to go through based on your faith.

Sister Barnes

Are…are you asking us for us to deliberate our belief in the church? Is that a factor which will correspond to us going home?

Mr. Reed

I’m asking you to choose between belief and disbelief. My own claim is that all 10,000 verifiable religions that exist in the world today are as artificial as the symbolic church you are currently standing in. It is farce. There is nothing holy here. Your religious text is mere ornament… [tosses The Book of Mormon] …as hollow and as capitalistic as these ridiculous games.

Sister Barnes

It doesn’t matter what you say to him. He’s not gonna let us go just because we admit he’s right.

Sister Paxton

Let’s just get out of here while our host is being gracious enough to let us leave.

Sister Barnes

I think that we’re being studied. I think he wants to learn something about us based on which door we open. Is that the game? Someone scratches their neck, and he’s watching. We say the wrong thing, and he stumbles on his words. A candle flame flickers, and it captures his attention. What have you been looking for? What have you found? If I’m right, then the only thing that matters right now is what we actually believe. And because I think your rhetoric is thin, and your garage sale board game metaphor is kind of offensive. I mean, you asked why Judaism only makes up 0.2% of the world’s population but didn’t even pause for the Holocaust. You make no acknowledgement of the religious persecution Jewish people have faced. You just use it as a setup to a punchline about missionaries. And then, you skip over the fact that none of this addresses Islam, as Muslims don’t even believe Christ was resurrected. And then, you point out all the similarities these mythological gods have with Jesus, but breeze over the many glaring differences! One of these guys has a freaking bird head! I don’t think… that my point of view…fits into belief or disbelief. I think there’s an entire spectrum that your game is neglecting. So it doesn’t matter what I believe, does it? Sister Paxton, do you still believe in God?

Sister Paxton

Yes.

Sister Barnes

Then let’s leave through here. Let’s be honest and sincere and let God decide what happens next for us.

Mr. Reed

There will be before you saw a woman die and come back to life, and there will be after. Books will be written about it. So choose your words very carefully when I ask, what did you witness? Tell me. Tell me what you saw.

Sister Paxton

How did she…

Mr. Reed

I don’t know… And if you didn’t see something transcendental, you absolutely must tell me.

Sister Paxton

I don’t know.

Mr. Reed

‘Cause if I’m wrong, I need to hear it. That’s why you’re here.

Sister Barnes

It’s a contrived experiment. We are your prisoners! It doesn’t make sense…

Mr. Reed

Oh, pooh! We’re all prisoners together.

Sister Barnes

…for us to have an opinion!

Mr. Reed

You must know by now that any of us can leave whenever we want, but why would we want, after what we’ve seen?

Sister Paxton

I saw it. I saw it. I heard her describe what she experienced on the other side.

Mr. Reed

Great! What did you hear?

Sister Paxton

She said there was a conductor.

Mr. Reed

Yes. Yeah.

Sister Paxton

Did she mean angel? She had a feeling of disassociation, a feeling that something wasn’t real.

Mr. Reed

That’s it. So now you know.

Sister Paxton

Now, we know?

Mr. Reed

Yeah, now, you know.

Sister Paxton

Know?

Mr. Reed

I can show you God. If you’re willing to die. It… it can be painless. It can be temporary. Like the Prophet, you can be brought back. It doesn’t have to be frightening at all. I’ll tell you… I’ll tell you what’s frightening. Not knowing is frightening! Where do we come from? What are we doing here? What’s our purpose? The terror of those questions is why religions exist. I can answer those questions for you. I can give you a comfort no religion in the world is capable of giving you.

Sister Barnes

It all makes sense now. I’ve been asking myself all night, how is he gonna make killing us our idea?

Mr. Reed

Why would you do that?

Sister Paxton

Because I want to know the truth, and because the only way out is through.

Mr. Reed

Robert Frost?

Sister Paxton

Swamp Thing.

Sister Paxton

You returned the bike key to the wrong coat pocket. We thought this was a mistake you made...But now I know it wasn’t.

Mr. Reed

Why?

Sister Paxton

You gave the bike lock to one of your prophets, instructed them to lock the final cellar door with it.

Mr. Reed

But why, why, why? Why did I do that?

sister Paxton

Because you wanted me to know the only reason I’m standing here right now is because it is exactly where you want me to be standing. I’m not here because I chose to be. I’m here because you made me choose to be.

Mr. Reed

Oh.

Sister Paxton

Because you want me to believe the one, true religion is…control.

Mr. Reed

That is exactly right. Religion is just a system of control…

Sister Paxton

It’s okay. I’ll help you.

Mr. Reed

No, you see, that’s what’s so interesting. They don’t want your help. They… [chuckles] they are exactly where they chose to be.

Sister Paxton

But you killed that woman.

Mr. Reed

I disagree. She… She chose to eat a poisoned pie because of her profound faith. It is called drinking the… anyone? KoolAid. It is true… that I keep these ladies a little chilly, and a little peckish, for which I am very sorry. Sorry, ladies. But only for the same reason that your church goes to Haiti to give out Bibles after a hurricane. It’s easier to control someone who has lost…everything.
...

Sister Paxton

Why do you do this?

Mr. Reed

The question is, why do you all let me? You are here because the ideas of others have influenced every single decision you’ve made since the day you were born, and I’ve been able to predict every decision you would make tonight because of that. You have allowed them to dictate every decision of your life. They decide who you worship, where you worship, what you worship.