Tuco quotes from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk.

There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend. Those who have a rope around their neck and those who have the job of doing the cutting.

If you save your breath I feel a man like you can manage it. And if you don't manage it, you'll die. Only slowly, very slowly, old friend.

Don't die, I'll get you water. Stay there. Don't move, I'll get you water. Don't die until later.

You want to know who you are? Huh? Huh? You don't, I do, everyone does... you're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you.

Who the hell is that? One bastard goes in, another one comes out.

You never had a rope around your neck. Well, I'm going to tell you something. When that rope starts to pull tight, you can feel the Devil bite your ass.

If you work for a living, why do you kill yourself working?

There are two kinds of spurs, my friend. Those that come in by the door, [crosses himself] those that come in by the window.

If I get my hand on the two hundred thousand dollars, I'll always honor your memory. I swear.

That's so. Even a tramp like me, no matter what happens, I know there's always a brother who won't refuse me a bowl of soup.

I like big fat men like you. When they fall they make more noise.

You think you're better than I am? Where we came from, if one did not want to die of poverty, one became a priest or a bandit! You chose your way, I chose mine. Mine was harder. You talk of our mother and father. You remember when you left to become a priest? I stayed behind! I must have been ten, twelve. I don't remember which, but I stayed. I tried, but it was no good. Now I am going to tell you something. You became a priest because you were... too much of a coward to do what I do!

I have a system, very much like yours. Only difference is I don't shoot the rope, I shoot the legs off the stool. Adios.

The world is divided into two kinds of people, those who have friends and those who are lonely like poor Tuco.

Hijo de una gran puta! "Great big son of a bitch!"

Hey, everybody, look! Look! He's giving him the filthy money! Judas! You've sold my hide! But you won't enjoy any of that money, not a penny. If there's justice, that money will go to the undertakers! Every penny of it. You know who you are? You want to know whose son you are? You don't, I do. Everybody does. You're the son of a thousand fathers! All bastards like you! And your mother? Your mother... You bastard! Your mother, it's better not to talk of her. I never hurt anybody!

Ah, my belly's full. Nice guy, my brother. I didn't tell you my brother was in charge here? Everything. Like the Pope, almost. He's in charge in Rome. Yeah, yeah, my brother, he say to me, "Stay, brother, don't go home. We never see each other. Here, there's plenty to eat and drink. Bring your friend, too." Whenever we see each other, he never lets me go. It's always the same story. My brother, he's crazy about me. [His tone becomes wistful] That's so... even a tramp like me, no matter what happens, I know there's a brother somewhere who'll never refuse me... a bowl of soup.

God's with us because he hates the Yanks too!

Blondie

God's not on our side because he hates idiots also.

Angel Eyes

Like a little music with your meal, Tuco?

Music? Yeah, it's very good. It's very good for the digestion.

The name of the cemetery is ... (hesitating) .. Sad Hill. Now it's your turn.

Blondie

The name on the grave is ... Arch Stanton.

Arch Stanton? You sure?

Blondie

Yeah. Sure I'm sure.

You pig! You wanted to get me killed. When d'ya unload it?

Blondie

Last night. You see in this world there's two kinds of people my friend - those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.

Blondie

You may run the risks, my friend, but I do the cutting. We cut down my percentage - uh, cigar? - liable to interfere with my aim.

But if you miss you had better miss very well. Whoever double-crosses me and leaves me alive, he understands nothing about Tuco.

"See you soon, id..." "id..." "ids..."

Blondie

"Idiots". It's for you.

I've been looking for you for 8 months. Whenever I should have had a gun in my right hand, I thought of you. Now I find you in exactly the position that suits me. I had lots of time to learn to shoot with my left.

When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk.

I'll kill you.

Blondie

If you do that... you'll always be poor... just like the greasy rat you are.

I'm innocent! I'm an honest farmer!

Sheriff

Come here, you! Just a simple farmer, eh? Who is this?

Me?

Sheriff

Yeah, you.

Who says so? You can't even read! [the Sheriff rolls up the poster] Go ahead, roll it up! I'll give a good idea where to put it!

Get on that stool and put the rope around your neck. I have a different system, my friend; I don't shoot the rope, I shoot the legs from under the stool.

Even when Judas hanged himself there was thunder.

Blondie

That could be cannon fire.

Thunder or cannon fire, it's all the same to you. Adios, Blondie.

I'm very happy you are working with me! And we're together again. I get dressed, I kill him and be right back.

Blondie

Listen, I forgot to mention... He's not alone. There's five of 'em.

Five?

Blondie

Yeah, five of 'em.

So, that's why you came to Tuco. It doesn't matter, I'll kill them all.

I'm an honest farmer! I’m innocent of everything!

Sheriff

So you’re just an honest farmer. [unrolls wanted poster] You recognize this man?

Me?

Sheriff

Yeah, it's you.

Who says so? You can't even read! Roll it up. Roll it up! I'll give you a good idea where you can put it!

Even when Judas hanged himself there was a storm too.

Blondie

That could be cannon fire.

Cannon fire or storm, it's all the same to you. [holds a noose] You ever see this before, my friend? Throw it over the roof beam! That's it. Now get on that. [Blondie steps onto a stool.] That's right. Now make sure the rope is tight. It's got to hold the weight of a pig. Now put the rope around your neck. That’s very good! It's too big for your neck, huh? We’ll fix that right away. I have another system, a little different than yours. I don't shoot the rope. I shoot the legs off the stool. Adios.

What about our parents?

Pablo

Only now do you think of them, to begin after nine years?

Nine years? So it's nine years. [laughs] Nine years!

Pablo

Our mother has been dead a long time now. Our father died a few days ago. That's why I was away. He asked for you to be there, but there was only me.

Wake up, you. There are troops coming.

Blondie

Are they blue or gray?

Gray. They're gray like us. Let's say hello to them and then get going. [Shouting] Hurrah! Hurrah for the Confederacy! Hurrah! Down with General Grant! Hurrah for General— [to Blondie] What's his name?

Blondie

Lee.

Lee. Lee! God's on our side 'cause He hates the Yanks, too! Hurrah!

Blondie

God's not on our side because He hates idiots also.

Soon you can join the gallant heroes of Branston bridge. We have two attacks a day.

Two attacks a day?

Sure! The Rebs have decided that damn bridge is the key to this whole area — Stupid, useless bridge! A flyspeck on the headquarters' maps — and the headquarters has declared we must take that ridiculous flyspeck even if all of us are killed. Otherwise, the key will get rusty and just be a spot on the wall. And that's not all. Both sides want the bridge intact! Intact is how the south wants it, and we want it intact too. You'll all turn to dust, but one thing is sure, boys: Branston bridge will stand unbroken.