Most scenes together: Jackie Gleason & George 'Bullets' Durgom (3)
Tell ya, I'm gonna turn you into a millionaire yet, kid.
You got it backwards, Bullets. I'm turnin' you into a millionaire.
Well, I know, I was just--
You were just what?! You were just what? Takin' the credit like everybody else? Who's the one bustin' his rump out there every night?
[pause] [Gleason walks away]
Oh, Jackie. Hey, I ever tell you what a good boy you are? You're such a good boy. I'm gonna give you somethin'. How would you like that, huh? I'm gonna give you somethin', but you gotta promise me you will not tell your momma.
Promise.
Let's see. [holds out a nickel]
A nickel?
A guy like you can't walk around broke, Mr. Jackie Gleason. [puts the nickel in his hand] Here. You put that in your pocket, pal. [smiles and laughs. They hug]
So, Jackie, are you 'The Great One?'
Well, I'll tell you what. Let's go down stairs, we'll shoot a little pool and you tell me. Bring your wallet. Hmmmm. [smiles and chuckles] [last scene of the film]
You hear that?
No, what?
Listen. You can get a cab on a Saturday night. You know why? Cause everyone's at home in front of their television's waiting to see me.
If you do the show, right? C'mon. You're right. No. I'm proud of you, huh? C'mon.
Are you, Bullets?
Of course I am. The whole world's proud of you.
Than why don't I feel it?
Feel it? You don't wanna know what I think.
The whole time I was growing up. My father lived less than an hour away. And he never came to see me once. He said it was because he felt the shame. [pause. Tearfully] This whole time I thought it was me.
He's the one who missed out. It's his loss.
Try tellin' that to an eight year old kid. [pause] Alright, c'mon. Let's go fool 'em.
That's one of Berle's.
Oh yeah?
He steals from the best, so do you.
What do you mean?
Everybody knows you like to uh...
Say it.
...Borrow? [laughs]
Alright, c'mon. We're all just having a good time here--
Oh, you sure the hell are. You have big steaks and booze up my expense, why not have a good time at my expense?
Jackie. If I said something wrong? I apologize. You know what I mean? Nothing by it.
Nah, nah, it's not a matter of something wrong. You just said what's on your mind.
You saying I'm jealous?
No, see you would have to be a contender to be jealous. You are envious.
So now I'm envious?
And pathetic.
[pause]
I'm fine. So, when do I get to meet her?
I don't know. Things go okay tonight, maybe soon. There's somethin' different about her.
Yeah, that's what you said about the last one. Did they ever find you're wallet?
Hey, I just care about you, that's all.
I know, ma. Your the greatest.
Yeah. Hey, how about you stay home tonight, keep me company, huh?
I'll tell you, that Chaplin, he's a genius. He says it all with his eyes.
Genevieve Halford The way he was with that little kid? It's like he makes me laugh and cry at the same time.
C'mon. You know the best thing about it? He runs the whole show. He's the writer, the director. He's the star. Doesn't have to depend on anybody.
Genevieve Halford Is that what you want? Not to have to depend on anybody?
Isn't that what everybody wants?
Genevieve Halford Not everyone. I think it might get kinda lonely.
I was never fond of rehearsing simply because I believe the best comedy should have a certain degree of spontaneity and surprise. And uh, it was just totally a decision made by my technique. I - I liked to be surprised as well, and the more I rehearsed the more I felt it was watered down and so I - I rarely rehearsed.
How did everybody get in my dressing room!
I sometimes wonder if I should've done another season of The Honeymooners. And then there's a part of me that felt I played it right by going out on top when I did. I wish I was there more for my family in those days, but uh... I was so driven, and uh, I payed for it. And unfortunately, I'm sure they did too.
What the hell are you looking at, pal? You look like you lost your best friend. By any chance did he run off with your hair? Could you put your head on dim. Good thing about it, pal. At least if you find a hair in your soup, you know it ain't yours! But I gotta tell you life is good, ladies and gentlemen. My land lord called me the other day. Told me I have three days to pay rent. I said "Okay. I pick Easter, Thanks giving and New Year's Eve 1962." [the audience laughs. Says to another audience member] And you, get your legs together. What, you waiting for a parade? You should see what I see. I'm Jackie Gleason. Have a good night.
I gotta tell you somethin', two days ago... No wait, that wasn't me. [laughs along with the audience] You're a dandy crowd! Look at this guy, didn't you see there's a sign out there. There's an age limit in this nightclub, pal. You gotta be under a hundred. [the audience laughs] By the way, the Civil War called, they found your diary. [laughter ensues] I'm kidding, the cemetery called, you're room's ready. [laughter ensues] How are you doing, pal? Make you feel at home. Waaaaaaaa! Waaaaaaaa! [laughter ensues] More on embalming fluid on this table, put it on my tab. No, you're a good crowd!
Thank you everybody! Welcome to Cavalcade of Stars, I'm Jackie Gleason! There's a cow son of the farmer, thanks for the warm hand! [laughter ensues] I think it's time to put that joke out to pasture! You know I'm gonna tell you, backstage I met a gal with a million dollar smile. She'd only smile at guys who had a million dollars. [laughter ensues] Girls that's your queue!
So we leave the Yankee game, right? We get in the car. Things start spinnin'. And I threw up. I was so loaded I threw up all over Sinatra right in his limo. Do you believe that? And you know what I told his driver? [what's that Mr. Gleason] "Throw the bum out, he's stinkin' up the car." [laughs]
