N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

[Chief Warrant Officer Paul Brenner is undercover as First Sergeant Frank White, pretending to oversee a black-market arms deal from his armory on an Army base. He speaks with a pronounced Southern accent.]
CW4 Brenner: There you go. Genuine and made in the U.S.A. All you gotta do is give me and Dalbert $100,000 each and you'll see them guns come Sunday.
Man: You'll get your money. Same time I get the guns.
CW4 Brenner: Now, you listen to me, funny boy. How do I know you ain't one o'them- them Army cops?
Man: Hey, I'm a freedom fighter.
CW4 Brenner: Well! Check it out, Dalbert! We got ourselves Che-****ing-Guevera there. Woop-dee-doo, a freedom fighter! Well, where's your kooky red hat, boy? Ain't been a freedom fighter worth a damn ain't got him a kooky red hat.
Man: [Visibly angered] You listen to me, stupid.
CW4 Brenner: Dalbert, I think it's one o' them Freudian-
[The 'freedom fighter' approaches Brenner; as he does, Brenner instantly grabs him, spins him around, and pins a knife to his back.]
CW4 Brenner: Hey, Dalbert, Dalbert!
SSG Dalbert Elkins: What?
CW4 Brenner: Wanna hear a joke?
SSG Elkins: No!
CW4 Brenner: How many freedom fighters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
SSG Elkins: I don't know!
Man: Hey, come on, man. Relax, huh?
CW4 Brenner: Well, you don't sound like no criminal investigator to me.
SSG Elkins: No!
CW4 Brenner: No?
SSG Elkins: No!
CW4 Brenner: [Releases the man, slapping him on the back] Well, you're all right, pal! I'm sorry about that, but we get a little jumpy around here before an exchange. So we'll see you Sunday, then!
Man: [Quietly furious] I'll be there.
CW4 Brenner: Yeah, you be there! [After the man leaves, he turns to Dalbert] Aw, unclench your ass-cheeks, Dalbert! The scary part is over!
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