Taxi Driver Welcome to New York! Go and **** a dick!
Friends with Benefits quotes
Page 1 of 2 Taxi Driver Hey, I was thinking of getting some lunch. Do you know a place?
Are you asking me out?
Well, I... I'm not asking you out. I'm asking you to show me a restaurant.
I mean I'm the only friend you have in New York. You don't want to complicate that!
I know! I'm not asking you out.
I mean, sure. We'd have fun, roll around. Get into some erotic humiliation fantasy...
Erotic fan...? Could you just lower...
... which would blow up in our faces, end badly. And we'd never speak to each other again!
I'm not **** asking you out! I swear to God!
Okay. You don't like me like that. You don't have to be so mean about it.
I'm sorry. I didn't... I...
Why do women think the only way to get men to do what they want is to manipulate them?
History, personal experience, romantic comedies.
Why do I get the feeling this is the first real commitment you've ever made?
It's not. T-Mobile. Two years. And **** do I regret that one!
Kayla Maybe you should care a little bit less about work and a little bit more about the girl you're dating because last time I checked work doesn't reassure you that liking a finger up your ass doesn't make you gay.
You know what I discovered? It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with. Feel me, Felix?
Yeah, but then it's every Saturday for the rest of your life...
It's OK, you don't get it. It's no big deal. But you will. One day you'll meet someone and it'll literally take your breath away. Like you can't breathe. Like no oxygen to the lungs. Like a fish...
Yeah, I... I get it, Tommy.
Yeah, you don't.
Breasts.
Really? I think they're so tiny.
They're still breasts.
Thank you!
I'm supposed to meet up with Jamie.
Who's that? That headhunter?
Uh-huh.
What, you guys going out now?
No, no, no, we're just friends. We're... messing around a little bit.
What do you mean?
Sleeping together. But it's just sex.
That never works, bro. She's a girl. Sex always means more to them even if they don't admit it.
Jamie's different.
Does she have a penis where most girls have a vagina?
No penis.
Then she's no different.
What do you know about women, anyway?
Dude, I've turned down more tail than you'll ever have.
Yeah, bro - you're gay!
But the offers keep rolling in, naturally. Look at me! And hey, I love women. They're beautiful, majestic, mysterious, mesmerizing creatures. Smart, empathetic, far superior to men in every way. And if I had a choice, I would be with women to my dying day. But me likes ****, so I'm strickily-dickily.
Why don't they ever a make a movie about what happens after they kiss?
They do, it's called porn.
Police officer This is the LAPD. You are trespassing. Get down from the sign.
We gotta jump.
I'm f-frozen!
Police officer Come on, get down! Sir, this is your last warning.
Use the ladder!
I have a fear of heights! Also, he-he-helicopters! They don't make sense to me!
What do you mean you have a fear of heights? Why would you come up here?
You called me a pu-pussy!
[after he spills coffee on his pants, Dylan is asking another employee for a replacement pair]
I'm your boss! Give me your pants!
A work ethic. I love it! That is why this country is still number one. Well, behind Germany and France and Belgium and Japan and China. Thank God for Bangladesh!
Are you trying to dig your way to China?