I thought I was going back to Vietnam, but instead, they decided the best way for me to fight communists was to play ping-pong. So I was in the Special Services, traveling around the country, cheering up all them wounded veterans and showing them how to play ping-pong. I was so good that some years later the Army decided I should be on the All-American Ping-Pong Team. We were the first Americans to visit the land of China in, like, a million years or something like that, and somebody said that world peace was in our hands. But all I did was play ping-pong. When I got home, I was national celebrity. More famous even than Captain Kangaroo.