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[Duke and Gonzo are covering the DA'S convention on marijuana, with keynote speaker L. Ron Bumquist]
L. Ron Bumquist: The easiest way to do this is for each of us to try to imagine what is going on inside the possessed mind of a drug addict. [holds up a joint] The dope fiend refers to the butt of a marijuana cigarette as a "roach". He does so because it resembles a ****roach.
Gonzo: What the **** these people are talking about? You gotta be crazy on acid to think a joint looks like a goddamn ****roach.
Bumquist: You will notice that I have distinguished four distinct types of being in the cannabis and marijuana society. They are "cool", "groovy", "hip" and "square". Seldom, if ever, does one aspire to be "square".
Gonzo: This is a ****ing nightmare, man.
Bumquist: If he can figure out what is "happening", he can rise one notch to become "hip", and if he can convince himself to approve of what is "happening", he can become "groovy". [ominously] Groovy! And then he raise himself to the rank of "cool". He can become one of those... "cool guys".
D.A.: Dr. Bumquist, do you think the anthropologist Margaret Mead's strange behavior of late can be explained by a private marijuana addiction?
Duke: Good question!
Bumquist: I'm not really sure I can answer that. But what I can tell you is that if Margaret Mead, at her age, smoked grass...she'd have one hell of a trip! [laughs hysterically; the seated DA's follow suit]
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