Hazel Grace Lancaster I fell in love with him the way you fall asleep: Slowly, and then all at once.
Most-quoted character in The Fault in Our Stars (2014): in 13 of its 19 quotes
Most scenes with: Augustus Waters (7), Van Houten (2)
The only thing worse than biting it from cancer is having a kid bite it from cancer.
More lines from Hazel Grace Lancaster
3 quotes Hazel Grace Lancaster Hazel Grace Lancaster Funerals, I've decided, are not for the dead. They are for the living.
Hazel Grace Lancaster I'm a grenade and at some point I'm going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?
Scenes with Hazel Grace Lancaster
9 scenes Hazel Grace Lancaster [about throwing eggs]
Guys, I think we should wait until dark.
It's all dark to Isaac.
Isaac
Dude, I'm not deaf, I'm just blind, so I can hear when you make fun of my disability.
Your hands are so cold.
Hazel Grace Lancaster Oh, they're not so much cold as just under-oxygenated.
Hazel Grace?
Hazel Grace Lancaster Hm?
I love it when you talk medical to me.
This is it.
Hazel Grace Lancaster I'm so excited I can barely breath.
As opposed to normal?
Hazel Grace Lancaster Really? That's disgusting!
What?
Hazel Grace Lancaster What? Do you think that is cool? Or something? You just ruined the whole thing
The whole thing?
Hazel Grace Lancaster Yes, this whole thing.
Hazel Grace Lancaster Even though you have freaking cancer, you are willing to give money to corporation for a chance to acquire even more cancer? Let me just assure you that not being able to breathe? SUCKS. Totally disappointing. Totally.
They don't kill you unless you light them. And I've never lit one. It's a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing. A metaphor.
Flight Attendant
Sir, you can't smoke on this plane. Or...any plane.
I don't smoke.
Hazel Grace Lancaster [The Flight Attendant gives him a look]
It's a metaphor. He puts the killing thing in his mouth but doesn't give it the power to kill him.
Flight Attendant
[no nonsense]
Well that metaphor is prohibited on today's flight.
[Augustus nods and puts the cigarette away]
I will not indulge your childish whims. I refuse to pity you in the manner in which you're accustomed.
Hazel Grace Lancaster [upset]
Hey I do not want your pity-
Of course you do. Like all sick kids, your existence depends on it.
Lidewij
[shocked]
Peter!
You are fated to live out your days the child you were when diagnosed, the child who believes there is a life after a novel ends. And we, as adults, we pity this, so we pay for your treatments, for your oxygen machines...
Lidewij
[angry]
Peter that's enough.
...You are a side effect to an evolutionary process that cares little for individual lives. You are a failed experiment in mutation.
Hazel Grace Lancaster [standing up angrily]
Listen douchepants! There's nothing that you're gonna tell me about my disease that I don't already know. Okay I came here for one thing and one thing only. That is for you to tell me what happens at the end of this goddamn book!
Hazel Grace Lancaster Bullshit!
I can't-
Hazel Grace Lancaster [slapping the glass of scotch out of his hands]
Then make something up!
I want you to leave.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you care so much about your silly questions?
Hazel Grace Lancaster Oh go **** yourself! [storms out with Augustus]
Hazel Grace Lancaster You know, this obsession you have, with being remembered?
Don't get mad.
Hazel Grace Lancaster I am mad! I'm mad because I think you're special. And isn't that enough? You think that the only way to lead a meaningful life, is for everyone to remember you. For everyone to love you! Guess what, Gus - this is your life! This is all you get! You get me, and you get your family and you get this world, and that's it! And if that's not enough for you, then I'm sorry, but its not nothing. Because I love you. And I'm going to remember you.
Hazel Grace Lancaster You're welcome.
However, we do need closure, don't you think?
Hazel Grace Lancaster That is exactly what I was asking Van Houten for in my letters.
But he never responded.
Hazel Grace Lancaster Nope.
[inhales theatrically]
"Dear Mr. Waters. I write to thank you for your electronic correspondence. I am grateful to anyone that sets aside time to read my book."
Hazel Grace Lancaster [sits up excitedly]
Augustus?
Yes?
Hazel Grace Lancaster What are you doing?
I may have found Van Houten's assistant. E-mailed her.
Hazel Grace Lancaster Augustus!
She may have forwarded that e-mail onto Van Houten. Shall I continue?
Hazel Grace Lancaster Oh my God, yeah, go go go!
"I am particularly indebted to you, sir." Hazel Grace, he just called me "sir."
Hazel Grace Lancaster Augustus, keep reading! Keep reading!
"... both for your kind words about "An Imperial Affliction" and for taking the time to tell me that the book, and here I quote you directly, 'meant a great deal' to you and your friend Hazel Grace'."
Hazel Grace Lancaster [screams excitedly]
You did not! No, you did not, you did not, you did not!
Of course I did. "To answer your question: No, I have not written anything else, nor will I. I do not feel like continuing to share my thoughts with readers would benefit either them or me. However, thank you for your generous e-mail. Yours most sincerely, Peter Van Houten." So yeah, that just happened.
Hazel Grace Lancaster Oh my God!
I've been trying to tell you, I'm kind of awesome.
