Most scenes together: Sammy Fabelman & Mitzi Fabelman (3), Sammy Fabelman & Logan Hall (3), Sammy Fabelman & Monica Sherwood (2)
Think whatever bad things you want about me, kiddo, but you stop making movies, it’ll break your mother’s heart. You will break her heart, I mean it. [he tears up] And she doesn’t deserve that, not from anybody. Least of all from you.
The lights change how everything looks. It's hard to find our house.
Ours is the dark house with no lights.
What?
Christmas lights!
Now remember this! When the horizon's at the bottom, it's interesting. When the horizon's at the top, it's interesting. When the horizon's in the middle, it's boring as shit. Now, good luck to you. And get the **** out of my office!
Am I supposed to feel bad now about all that shit we did to you?
Do you feel bad about it?
That's none of your goddam business!
Because you should feel bad about it!
Alright that's why you did it. You wanted me to feel like crap!
I wanted you to be nice to me for five minutes or I did it to make my movie better! I don't know why. You are the biggest jerk I have ever met in my entire life, I have a monkey at home that's smarter than you! You dumb anti-semitic asshole! I made you look like you could fly.
Life's nothing like the movies, Fabelman.
Maybe not. But hey, in the end, you got the girl.
Bennie and me, we never... we never d - we never let it get as far as I imagine you think.
Oh I never imagined any of that.
Do you think dad knows? I don’t mean did you tell him, I know you didn’t. But - do you think he has an inkling?
I’ve almost told him so many times. I’ll say “Burt, there’s something I’ve got to tell you,” and, and he looks at me like he can’t conceive that anything could be wrong between us. So instead I say “Burt, we got ants,” or “Burt, could you climb on the roof and turn the antenna so I can watch Channel 5?” Which, of course, he does. [pause] I can’t fight with your father. He kills with such kindness. I’m mean to him, he buys me a dress. From Saks.
Mom, when I showed you what I filmed, I never meant for any of this to happen.
What’s gonna happen now?
I’m gonna be your mom. I’m gonna be the girls’ mom. Despite my countless faults, I’m not ruining everything for everyone. I’m gonna not be selfish. Burt Fabelman is the kindest, smartest, wisest, most patient, most decent, most understanding man there is. And I’m gonna stay married to him
When I was a girl and I felt sad, I’d go to the zoo and I’d watch the monkeys.
They made you laugh?
Yeah, the monkeyshines. But there was more to it than that, it was...They understand what we’ve done to them, with the cages and the people pointing. We share that with them, the truth of how cruel people are. But if you watch them for long enough, you can tell they know stuff we can’t begin to imagine, important stuff. And they’re not going to let us in on it. Because it belongs to them, it’s their own monkey business, theirs. It’s not ours. It’s, oh I dunno...
Self-possession.
Right. They belong to themselves.
If it belongs to itself, let it go back to where it came from.
Anyway, that’s how come I got a monkey.
And a therapist.
He throws his poop.
The therapist?
No the monkey.
That’s why I’m staying in a hotel.
You don’t have to. We have plenty of room -
My rabbi in New Jersey says a monkey in the house isn’t Kosher.
That’s why we’re not going to eat him.
Did you schedule him for his polio vaccine?
They can get polio?
Well, they’re susceptible to pretty much everything humans are, so yes.
Pass the peas. He hates going to the vet. You see, Monica, in this family, it’s the scientists versus the artists. Sammy’s on my team, he takes after me, except he’s got real talent.
Mom.
And he’s completely terrible at science.
And algebra.
And sports.
Will you please stop!
He showed me his camera.
Is he good at kissing?
Is she gonna marry Bennie?
If she wants to, she will, she’s the most selfish person on earth.
It must’ve been hard for her, married to a... a genius.
Dad worships Mom.
OK - But maybe it’s hard, being worshipped by someone you know you’ll never be as good as, or ever do anything as good as. She laughs at Bennie’s jokes, but...Dad’s always been her best audience.
Come on. She’ll be fine, she’ll tell herself everything happens for a reason, she’ll make excuses like she always -
You’re way more selfish than her.
That’s why you’re angry at her. It’s because she’s scared. Just like you, Sammy. Out of everyone in this outta-control falling-apart family, the one who’s most like Mitzi is you.
Do you always have to be the center of attention!?
Stop shouting at her!
There has been nothing but disrespect from you; I am your mother!
I WISH YOU WEREN'T!
Is something about to happen?
You like living dangerously, Fabelman.
No, I don't. I really, really don't.
Yes, you do. But you tell anybody about me getting, um... upset, that would be a mistake. Our secret. Okay?
Definitely. [long pause] Unless I make a movie about it. Which I'm never, ever going to do.
Putting your head in a lion's mouth is art?
No, sticking your head in the mouth of lions was balls! Making sure that lion didn't eat my head? That is art!
So in September when I move to LA, I’m gonna try to get work in a movie studio.
I thought you were going to college?
Could you - Would you ever consider coming with me?
I’m going to Texas A&M. You know that.
Yes, I do. But I thought maybe you should change your mind. Because...
Because what?
Because I love you.
OW! SAMMY! [He’s just stepped on her foot.]
I’m sorry! Sorry sorry sorry!
That’s not...possible!
What? No, it is! Monica, I love you!
That’s impossible! Sammy -
Sam.
We only started dating like - [she pulls a little away from him] Everything was so normal before! Why’re you acting so -
No, because nothing is normal now. They’re getting a divorce.
What are you talking about?!
My mom and dad, they’re splitting up.
Jesus Christ!! This is Prom! You can’t just blurt something out like that at Prom!
Wait - [he catches up to her] Monica! Look, that’s - That’s got nothing to do with us, okay! That’s not why I said that I love you, I don’t know why -
I’m not gonna like change my whole life and move to Hollywood because your parents are having marital difficulties!
You can get a refund. I hardly wore it at all. [holds it out to him]
Are you breaking up with me?
Not at Prom, but of course eventually. I’m gonna pray on it, and I’m gonna pray really really hard for you, because you are such a fun boy to kiss, but...Sometimes we just can’t fix things, Sam, and all we can do is suffer.
Art will give you crowns in heaven and laurels on Earth, but also, it will tear your heart out and leave you lonely. You'll be a shanda [disgrace in Yiddish] for your loved ones. An exile in the desert. A gypsy. Art is no game! Art is dangerous as a lion's mouth. It'll bite your head off.
Everything happens for a reason.
