Theresa Dallavale Okay, look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here...
That's all you got, lady. Two wrong feet and **** ugly shoes.
2nd most-quoted character in Erin Brockovich (2000): in 13 of its 21 quotes
Most scenes with: Erin Brockovich (12)
Do they teach beauty queens how to apologize? Because you suck at it!
Scenes with Ed Masry
12 scenes Theresa Dallavale Ed Masry What makes you think you can just walk in there and take whatever you want?
They're called boobs, Ed.
Kurt Potter Wha... how did you do this?
Well, um, seeing as how I have no brains or legal expertise, and Ed here was losing all faith in the system, am I right?
Ed Masry Oh, yeah, completely. No faith, no faith...
I just went out there and performed sexual favors. Six hundred and thirty-four blow jobs in five days... I'm really quite tired.
Ed Masry In a law firm you may want to re-think your wardrobe a little.
Well Ed, I think I look nice. And as long as I have one ass instead of two I'll wear what I like if that's all right with you? You might want to re-think those ties.
Ms. Sanchez [At the meeting with the PG & E lawyers]
Let's be honest here. $20 million dollars is more money then these people have ever dreamed of.
Oh see, now that pisses me off. First of all, since the demur we have more than 400 plaintiffs and... let's be honest, we all know there are more out there. They may not be the most sophisticated people but they do know how to divide and $20 million isn't shit when you split it between them. Second of all, these people don't dream about being rich. They dream about being able to watch their kids swim in a pool without worrying that they'll have to have a hysterectomy at the age of twenty. Like Rosa Diaz, a client of ours. Or have their spine deteriorate, like Stan Blume, another client of ours. So before you come back here with another lame ass offer, I want you to think real hard about what your spine is worth, Mr. Walker. Or what you might expect someone to pay you for your uterus, Ms. Sanchez. Then you take out your calculator and you multiply that number by a hundred. Anything less than that is a waste of our time.
[Ms. Sanchez picks up a glass of water]
By the way, we had that water brought in especially for you folks. Came from a well in Hinkley.
Ms. Sanchez [Eyes the water warily and sets the glass back down]
I think this meeting is over.
Ed Masry Damn right it is.
George How many numbers you got?
Oh, I got numbers comin' outta my ears. For instance: ten.
George Ten?
Yeah. That's how many months old my baby girl is.
George You got a little girl?
Yeah. Yeah, sexy, huh? How 'bout this for a number? Six. That's how old my other daughter is, eight is the age of my son, two is how many times I've been married -- and divorced; sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 850-3943. That's my phone number, and with all the numbers I gave you, I'm guessing zero is the number of times you're gonna call it.
Isn't it funny how some people go out of their way to help others, when others just fire them?
Ed Masry Look, I'm sorry but you were gone for a week. I assumed you were off having fun.
Oh, and why the hell would you assume that?
Ed Masry I don't know. You look like someone who likes to have fun.
Oh, so by that standard I should assume that you never get laid.
Ed Masry I'm married!
Ed Masry [after a pause]
Look. What is this all about?
Do you want to know? Then you'll have to hire me back. I've got a ton of bills to pay.
Ed Masry Fine! Fine!
Ed Masry This is a whole different ball game. A much bigger deal.
Kind of like David and whats-his-name.
Ed Masry Kind of like David and whats-his-name's whole **** family.
Ed Masry I'd love to help, Erin, but I'm sorry, I have a full staff right now, so...
Bullshit. If you had a full staff, this office would return a client's damn phone calls.
Donna Jensen You're a lawyer?
NO, no... I hate lawyers. I only work for them.
Ed Masry [after a meeting with a PG&E representative]
Didn't you hear? They have $28 billion at their disposal!
So?
Ed Masry You think I'm MADE of money?
What are you yelling at me for?
Ed Masry Because I'm pissed off!
Good!
Ed Masry [throws down tie]
**** you!
**** you back!
Ed Masry [starts laughing]
I really hate you sometimes, I really do.
Aww, you love me.
Ed Masry [giving Erin her bonus check]
It's not exactly what we discussed.
You know why everyone thinks that all lawyers are back stabbing, blood sucking scum bags? 'Cause they are! And I can not believe you expect me to go out, leave my kids with strangers and get people to trust you with THEIR lives while all the while you're screwing me! You know, Ed, it's not about the number! It's about the way my work is valued in this firm...
Ed Masry [She looks at the check, made out for $2 million]
Like I was saying, I thought that the number you proposed was inappropriate, so I increased it.
Ed Masry [Turns to walk away and turns around to her]
Do they teach beauty queens to apologize? Because you sure suck at it!
Other characters in Erin Brockovich
More Albert Finney characters
Hercule Poirot
Albert Hirsch
Daddy Warbucks
Uncle Henry Skinner
John Newton
Leo
Finis Everglot
Kincade