The Joker [After being told he's crazy]
I'm not. No, I'm not.
Most-quoted character in The Dark Knight (2008): in 60 of its 136 quotes
Most scenes with: Rachel Dawes (14), Bruce Wayne/Batman (5), Commissioner Gordon (3)
You know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan"...even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truck load of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die...[voice rises hysterically] well, then everyone loses their minds!
More lines from The Joker
43 quotes The Joker The Joker Look at me...look at me!
The Joker And here we...go.
The Joker The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And tonight, you're gonna break your one rule.
The Joker [Regarding him as a planner]
I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know...I just do things.
The Joker You know the thing about chaos? It's fair.
The Joker Good evening, ladies and gentle men...we are tonight's entertainment! [grabs a piece of shrimp and eats it, then talks with his mouth full] I only have one question: Where is Harvey Dent? [no one answers; he walks over to a woman, takes her glass and tosses out her champagne, then mimes drinking anyway and stalks towards the other guests] Do you know where Harvey is? Do you know who he is? [grabs a man by the face] Do you know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something; just something little, huh? [turning his head side to side from the top and receives no answer and continues on] No. [to another man as he eats food from the man's plate] You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
The Joker [To a man that speaks out against him]
You know, you remind me of my father. I hated my father.
The Joker [To Rachel]
Well, hello beautiful. [sloppily slicks his hair back] You must be Harvey's squeeze. [begins to circle her] And you are beautiful. [stops circling and pretends to be concerned] Oh, you look nervous. [holds the knife up] Is it the scars? You wanna know how I got 'em? [grabs her chin as she continuously tries to look away] Come 'ere, look at me. So I had a wife, she was beautiful...like you, who tells me I worry too much, who tells me I oughta smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks...[she squirms, and he pulls her back] Hey. One day they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. Hm? I just wanted to let her know that I don't care about the scars. So I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...to myself. [Directs attention towards the scars on his face] And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves! Now, I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling!
The Joker [Pulls out a Joker playing card]
Here's...my card.
The Joker I believe...whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...stranger.
The Joker You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline! And do you know what they all have in common? They're cheap. [lights his half of the mob's money on fire]
The Joker How 'bout a magic trick? [slams a pencil into the table standing upright] I'm gonna make this pencil disappear. [Gambol's henchman tries to attack him; in one swift motion he slams the man's head into the pencil, forcing the entire pencil through his eye socket; the man falls over dead] Taa-daa! It's...ah, it's gone.
The Joker It's all part of the plan.
The Joker Let's put a smile on that face!
The Joker I like this job. I like it.
The Joker [Seeing Batman on the Batpod]
Now there's a Batman. [Batman speeds toward him] Ooh, you wanna play? Come on. Come on.
The Joker [after Batman flips the truck and speeds towards the Joker who walks towards him shooting cars in the way]
Come on. I want you to do it. I want you to do it. Hit me. Hit me! I want you to hit me! Come on. Do it! Hit me!
The Joker [Speaking out in a video he sent to Gotham News]
See, this is how crazy Batman has made Gotham. You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day that he doesn't, people will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
The Joker Now, our operation is small, but [grabs a pool stick] there's a lot of potential for aggressive expansion. So, which of our fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh! There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have tryouts. [breaks the stick in two, throws the pointy end on the floor in between three of Gambol's henchmen] Hm...make it fast.
The Joker This city deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to them.
The Joker [To a policeman]
Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all of the...little...emotions. You see, in their...last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way...I knew your friends better than you ever did. [pause] Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
The Joker When the chips are down, these, uh...civilized people, they'll eat each other.
The Joker Let's wind the clock back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean...what happened? Did your–did your balls drop off? Hm?
The Joker [To the mobsters whose money he stole]
Oh, and by the way, the suit? It wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it.
The Joker [Holding a knife to Gambol's cheek]
Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was...a drinker, and a fiend. One night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself; he doesn't like that. Not...one...bit. So, me watching–he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and says..."Why so serious?" He comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious?!" He sticks the blade in my mouth, "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...[turns to look at one of Gambol's henchman who looks terrified, and then says]...why so serious?
The Joker [After his truck has crashed]
Harvey, Harvey, Harvey Dent. [pushes the unconscious (or dead) driver out of the way] Excuse me, I wanna drive. [takes the wheel]
The Joker [Is about to unmask the unconscious Batman but suddenly gets a gun pointed at his head]
Arrrgh! Could you please just give me a minute?
The Joker There's no going back. You've changed things...forever.
The Joker [Tugging on a string connected to grenades]
Let's not blow this out of proportion.
The Joker This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.
The Joker The mob has plans. The cops have plans. Gordon's got plans. They're schemers.
The Joker Freak? Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is! It's not about money, it's about sending a message. Everything burns!
The Joker I just want my phone call.
The Joker I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.
The Joker [Hanging upside down over the edge of a building]
Madness, as you know, is like gravity...all it takes is a little push!
The Joker If you're good at something, never do it for free.
The Joker [After Batman asks Joker why he wants to kill him]
I don't want to kill you. What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No...no, no. No, you...complete me.
The Joker Introduce a little anarchy...upset the established order...and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos.
The Joker [To Batman while hanging upside down from a building]
You won't kill me because of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because...you're just too much fun! I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
The Joker [To Batman hanging upside down from a building]
Did you really think that I would risk the battle for Gotham's soul in a fist fight with you?! When dealing with this city, you need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
The Joker [Interrupting a news cast in which Coleman Reese is trying to announce Batman's identity]
I had a vision of a world without Batman. The mob ground out their little profit, and the police tried to shut them down one block at a time. And it was so...boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes, then I blow up a hospital. [hangs up the phone]
The Joker [After Batman has slammed his head into a table]
Never start with the head. The victim gets all fuzzy. He can't feel the next–[Batman pounds the Joker's hand and he comically waits to register the pain] See?
Scenes with The Joker
16 scenes
Clown (gunman)
That's a lot of money. If this Joker guy was so smart, he would've had us bring a bigger car. [points his gun at the Joker, who is still in disguise] I'm betting the Joker told you to kill me soon as we loaded the cash.
The Joker [chuckles]
No, no, no, no. I kill the bus driver. [slowly steps to his right]
Clown (gunman)
[confused]
Bus driver? [moves gun to the right] What bus driver?
Clown (bus driver)
[A school bus drives through the wall, killing the henchman. The clown-masked bus driver hops out]
School's out, time to go. [begins helping the masked Joker load the cash] Cat's not getting up, is he?
Clown (bus driver)
[The bus driver begins to load the money into the school bus]
That's a lot of money. [small pause] What happened to the rest of the guys?
[The masked Joker turns his back to the bus driver and walks forward, casually gunning him down behind him]
Bank Manager [As the Joker is climbing into the school bus to leave]
You think you're smart, huh?
Bank Manager [The Joker turns to regard him peculiarly]
Whoever hired you'se...they'll just do the same to you.
Bank Manager [The Joker calmly stalks towards him as he says this]
The criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor...respect! Look at you. What do you believe in, huh? What do you believe in?!
The Joker [The Joker kneels down, grabs the manager's face, and sticks a grenade attached to a string into his mouth]
I believe...whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...[Joker takes off his clown mask for the first time, to reveal the horrific scars that extend his mouth into a giant grin]...stranger.
[Joker gives a slight chuckle and smile, gets on the school bus, and drives out of the bank causing the string to pull the pin out of the grenade...which is revealed to be a smoke grenade]
Joker [The Joker interrupts the meeting of mob bosses] [fake laughter done in a deadpan voice]
Ha ha ha ha, hahaha, ha, ha, ha, oh, a-hee-hee, ha ha, oh, hee hee, hee ha, ahaha. [returns to normal voice] I thought my jokes were bad.
Gambol Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
Joker How 'bout a magic trick? [he slams a pencil into the table, point first] I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
Joker [Gambol's henchman tries to attack him; in one swift motion the Joker then slams the man's head into the pencil, forcing the entire pencil through his eye socket; the man falls over dead]
Ta-daa! [looks at where the pencil was with mock surprise] It's...it's gone! Oh, and by the way, the suit? It wasn't cheap. You ought to know, you bought it.
Gambol That's it. [rises from his chair]
I want to hear, proposition.
Joker Let's wind the clock back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened? Did-did your balls drop off, hm? You see, a guy like me...
Gambol A freak.
Joker [The men in the room laugh]
...A guy like me...look, listen, I know why you choose to have your little [clears throat] "group therapy sessions" in broad daylight, I know why you're afraid to go out at night: The Batman. See, Batman has shown Gotham your true colors. Unfortunately, Dent...he's just the beginning, and as–as for th-the television's so-called "plan", Batman has no jurisdiction. He'll find him and make him squeal. I know squealers when I see them, and...[points at the televised Lau]
What do you propose?
Joker It's simple. We, uh...kill the Batman.
Joker If you're good at something, never do it for free.
So, how much you want?
Joker [brief pause]
Half.
Gambol [Once again, the men in the room laugh] [whispers]
You're crazy.
Joker [quickly glancing up, defensively]
I'm not. No, I'm not. If we don't deal with this now, soon, uh, little–Gambol?–here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.
Gambol [slams the table, and angrily rises from his seat]
Enough from the clown!
Joker Ah-ah. [rises from his seat as well, revealing grenades and explosives under his suit jacket with a string attached to his thumb] Let's not blow this out of proportion.
Gambol You think you can steal from us and just walk away?!
Joker [matter-of-factly]
Yeah.
Gambol I'm putting the word out: five hundred grand for this clown dead, and a million alive–so I can teach him some manners first.
Joker Ah, uh...all right. So listen, why don't you give me a call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here is...my...card. [pulls out a Joker playing card and shows it to everyone] Mm-hm.
[Waves his thumb as he retreats from the room]
Gambol henchman Yo, Gambol. Somebody's here for you. They say they've just killed the Joker. They brought the body.
Gambol [Men walk in carrying Joker, covered from head to toe in trashbags, they place him on the pool table]
So, he's dead? That's five-hundred gra...
Joker [Joker suddenly stands, fatally stabbing two of Gambol's henchman as he moves, then hold a knife to Gambol's throat from behind]
How about alive, hm?
Joker [Grabs Gambol, and a holds a knife to his cheek]
Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was...a drinker, and a fiend. And one night he comes home crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself; he doesn't like that. Not...one...bit. So, me watching–he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and says..."Why so serious?" So, he comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious?!" He sticks the blade in my mouth, "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...[turns to look at one of Gambol's henchman who looks terrified, and then says]...why so serious?
Joker [Joker quickly cuts open Gambol's face, off screen] [to Gambol's henchmen]
Now, our operation is small, but [grabs a pool stick] there's a lot of potential for aggressive expansion. So, which of our fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh! There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have tryouts. [breaks the stick in two, throws the pointy end on the floor in between three of Gambol's henchmen] Hm...make it fast.
Joker [In a video delivered to news media by the Joker, where he has kidnapped one of the fake "batmen"]
Tell them your name.
Brian Douglas
[nervously]
Brian Douglas.
Joker [giggling]
Are you the real Batman?
Brian Douglas
N-no.
Joker [whining]
No? No? Then why do you dress up like him? [playing with the fake mask] Woo hoo hoo hoo! [giggling]
Brian Douglas
He's a symbol that we don't have to be afraid of scum like you.
Joker Yeah...you do, Brian. You really do. Yeah...
Joker [Brian whimpers in terror]
Shh shh shh shh. [pets Brian's face] So you think Batman's made Gotham a better place? Hm? Look at me...look at me! [turns camera to his face] You see, this is how crazy Batman's made Gotham. You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die...starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
[Joker laughs hysterically as Brian screams]
Joker [in the elevator to Bruce's penthouse as the doors open, holding Detective Wuertz at gunpoint in front of him and his men]
We made it! [pushing Wuertz from the elevator and firing his shotgun up in the air which results in dead silence] Good evening, ladies and gentle men...we are tonight's entertainment! [grabs a piece of shrimp and eats it, then talks with his mouth full] I only have one question: Where is Harvey Dent? [no one answers; he walks over to a woman, takes her glass and tosses out her champagne, then mimes drinking anyway and stalks towards the other guests] Do you know where Harvey is? Do you know who he is? [grabs a man by the face] Do you know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something; just something little, huh? [turning his head side to side from the top and receives no answer and continues on] No. [to another man as he eats food from the man's plate] You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
Guest
We aren't intimidated by thugs.
Joker You know, [bangs on the table next to them three times] you remind me of my father. [pulls a knife out and puts it to the man's mouth] I hated my father.
Okay, stop!
Joker [noticing Rachel for the first time and saunters towards her]
Well, hello beautiful. [sloppily slicks his hair back] You must be Harvey's squeeze. [begins to circle her] And you are beautiful. [stops circling and pretends to be concerned] Oh, you look nervous. [holds the knife up] Is it the scars? You wanna know how I got 'em? [grabs her chin as she continuously tries to look away] Come 'ere, look at me. See, I had a wife, and she was beautiful...like you, who tells me that I worried too much, who tells me that I ought to smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. Hey. [she squirms, and he forces her to keep looking at him] One day they carve her face. And we got no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. Hm? I just wanted to let her know that I don't care about the scars. So...I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...to myself. [Directs attention towards the scars on his face] And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves! But now, I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling!
The Joker [Rachel knees him and pushes him off her] [laughing hysterically from being hit]
A little fight in you. I like that.
[After a brief scuffle amongst Batman and the Joker and his men, Joker grabs a gun, puts it to Rachel's head and moves in front of a window]
Drop the gun.
The Joker Sure. But first, why don't you take off your little mask and show us all who you really are. [shoots the window behind him and hangs Rachel out of it]
Let her go.
The Joker Very poor choice of words. [Laughs maniacally as he lets her fall]
Joker [Gordon walks into the darkened interrogation room where the Joker calmly sits at a table] [drawling mockingly]
Evening, Commissioner.
Joker Of course not.
What have you done with him?
Joker [innocently]
Me? I was right here! [shows handcuffs] Who did you leave him with, hm? Your people? Assuming, of course, that they are still your people...and not Maroni's. Does it depress you, Commissioner, to know just how alone you really are? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current predicament?
Where is he?
Joker What's the time?
What difference does that make?
Joker Well, depending on the time, he could be in one place, or several.
[uncuffs the Joker and gets up to leave]
If we're gonna play games, I'm gonna need a cup of coffee.
Joker [sarcastically]
Ah, the "good cop, bad cop" routine?
Joker [The lights suddenly turn on, revealing Batman standing behind the Joker, who gets his head smashed into the table]
Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy. He can't feel the next...
Joker [Batman cuts him off by smashing the Joker's knuckles with his fist] [comically waiting to register the pain]
See?
You wanted me? Here I am.
Joker I wanted to see what you'd do. And you didn't disappoint. You let 5 people die. Then you let Dent take your place. Even to a guy like me, that's cold.
Where's Dent?
Joker Those mob fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth. There's no going back. You've changed things...forever.
Then why'd you wanna kill me?
Joker [laughs hysterically]
I don't wanna kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No. No...no. You...you complete me.
You're garbage who kills for money.
Joker Don't talk like one of them, you're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak–like me! They need you right now. When they don't...they'll cast you out. Like a leper. See, their morals, their code: it's a bad joke. They're dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these, uh...civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster; I'm just ahead of the curve.
Joker You have all these rules, and you think they'll save you.
[Batman slams the Joker against the wall] [Looking through the glass at Batman and the Joker]
He's in control.
I have one rule.
Joker Ooh, then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth.
Which is?
Joker The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And tonight you're gonna break your one rule.
I'm considering it.
Joker No. You're gonna have to play my little game if you want to save one of them.
"Them?"
Joker You know, for a while there, I thought you really were Dent. The way you threw yourself after her...[laughs]
Joker [This comment throws Batman into a fit of rage; he flips the Joker onto the table and wedges the chair against the door handle so no one else can get in] [laughs]
Look at you go. Does Harvey know about you and his little bunny?
Joker [adopts a lecturing tone]
Killing is making a choice...
Joker You choose between one life or the other. Your friend the District Attorney. Or his blushing bride to be.
Joker [Batman punches The Joker in the face again as The Joker laughs hysterically through all of it]
You have nothing–nothing to threaten me with, nothing to do with all your strength.
Joker [Batman picks The Joker up by his shirt]
Don't worry, I'm gonna tell you where they are. Both of 'em. And that's the point: you'll have to choose. He's at 250 52nd Street. And she's at...Avenue X at Cicero.
RACHEL! [speeds off on the Batpod]
We'll get Dent! [to the other police] We're going to 250 52nd Street!
Joker I want...my phone call. I want–I want it. [firmly] I want my phone call.
Detective Stephens That's nice.
Joker How many of your friends have I killed?
Detective Stephens I'm a twenty-year man. I can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners...and the freaks like you who would just enjoy it.
Detective Stephens [pause]
And you've killed six of my friends.
Joker [looks up with surprise and mouths]
Six.
Joker [to Detective Stephens]
Do you want to know why I use a knife? [pause] Guns are too quick. You can't savor all of the little...emotions. You see, in their...last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way...I knew your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
Detective Stephens [sighs and begins rolling up his sleeves as he stalks towards the Joker]
I know you're going to enjoy this.
Detective Stephens [The Joker simply rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck]
So I'm just going to have to try to enjoy it...even more.
[The Joker has overpowered Detective Stephens and holds him hostage with a big shard of broken glass to his neck. The other police aim their guns at him.
Cop #3
What do you want?
Joker [calmly]
I just want my phone call.
Cop #3
[confused by the Joker's demand]
All right. [throws him a cell phone]
Cop #1
[The Joker dials a number on the phone. Suddenly, in the holding tank, the "contusion" on the henchman's body lights up and begins ringing]
Is that a...phone?
[The phone-triggered bomb in the henchman's stomach explodes, killing or knocking out most of the police in the room. The Joker escapes]
Joker [The Chechen is called by the Joker to an old tanker ship at the docks, inside he sees the Joker acting psychotic and antagonizing a tied-up Lau on top of the Joker's massive stacks of his half of the mob's cash] [to the gagged and tied Lau; imititating a plane]
Having fun?! [throws wads of cash at him] I told you I'm a man of my word.
Joker You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. [pulls out his gun] I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline! [Joker's men douse the money with gasoline and others hold the Chechen back as he tries to stop them] And do you know what they all have in common? [takes the Chechen's cigar] They're cheap.
What are you doing?!
Joker [throws the cigar onto the money, which bursts into flames]
Like I said, I'm a man of my word: I'm only burning my half. All you care about is money. This town deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to 'em. Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
They won't work for a freak.
Joker [exaggerating the mob boss's accent]
Frrreeaakk. [pulling out a small knife] Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm?[Joker's thugs pull away the mob boss] And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is! [Reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a cell phone, and begins dialing numbers] It's not about money, it's about sending a message. Everything burns!
Joker [Interrupting the news cast in which Coleman Reese is trying to announce Batman's identity]
I had a vision of a world without Batman. The mob ground out their little profit, and the police tried to shut them down one block at a time. And it was so...boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes, then I blow up a hospital. [hangs up the phone]
Joker [The Joker, dressed in a nurse uniform and wig, visits Harvey "Two-Face" in the hospital. He shoots a police officer before walking over to Harvey's bedside] [raising the upper-half of the bed up, mutters a tune while doing so]
La, de, la, de, la, de, lum [takes off his surgical mask]
Joker [Harvey immediately becomes enraged and struggles to get out of the bed he's tied to] [sits down by the bed, sighs and with a sympathetic tone and forced smile]
Hiii. [takes off his wig as Harvey stops struggling, shaking his hair back into its messy state with his hands] You know, I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us, Harvey. When you and, uhh, Ra...
Rachel!
Joker [motions his hands before him as he talks]
...Rachel were being abducted, I was sitting in Gordon's cage. Now, uh, I – I didn't rig those charges.
Your men, your plan.
Joker [serious, smirks slowly]
Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? [Two-Face tries to raise his arms] I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know...I just do things. The mob has plans. The cops have plans. Gordon's got plans. You know...they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So when I say... [grabs Harvey's hand, Harvey struggles a little] eh, come here. When I say that you and your girlfriend [slowly slaps Harvey's hand a couple of times] was nothing personal, you know that I'm telling the truth. [starts unstrapping Harvey's wrists from one side] It's the schemers... [goes to the other side] that put you where you are. You were a schemer. You had plans. And, uh ... [starts unstrapping Harvey's other wrist] look where that got you.
Joker [Once Harvey's other wrist is free, he attempts to grab The Joker, the two struggling with each other until The Joker grabs a hold of Harvey's hands, moving them from side to side]
I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and [sing-song tone] I turned it on itself. [Harvey stops struggling, The Joker looking down at him] Look at what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hm? You know–you know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go [does the quote-fingers] "according to plan"... even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truck load of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die... [voice rises hysterically] well, then everyone loses their minds! [lets go of Harvey's hands and pulls out a gun, the handle facing Harvey] Introduce a little anarchy. [puts the gun into Harvey's hand, cocking the gun] Upset the established order, then everything becomes...chaos. [guides the gun to his own forehead, smacking his lips] I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair.
[looks down, pulls out his lucky coin with his free hand and shows the "heads" side to The Joker]
You live.
Joker Mmm-hm. [smacks lips together]
Joker Hmmm, now we're talking.
[Harvey flips the coin, assuming it landed, The Joker then looks at him]
Joker [Batman has tracked the Joker to an unfinished skyscraper, overlooking the two ferries that he is threatening to blow up. As Batman approaches, the dogs that the Joker has guarding him begin to growl. The Joker turns to face him]
Ah, you made it! I'm so thrilled!
Where's the detonator?
Joker [The Joker shocks his head to the side] [to the dogs]
Go get him!
Joker [The dogs attack. Batman disposes of the dogs, but is brutally beaten down by the Joker overpowering him with a steel pipe. Batman's 'sonar-vision' begins malfunctioning and the Joker forces Batman to the ground and subdues him] [struggling to keep Batman down]
We really should stop this fighting. Otherwise, we'll miss the fireworks!
There won't be any fireworks.
Joker [expecting one of the two ferries to explode]
And here we...go! [neither ferry explodes and the Joker looks out at them confused. He turns to a small clock and realizes that it is past midnight]
What were you trying to prove? That deep down, everyone's as ugly as you? You're alone.
Joker You can't rely on anyone these days. You got to do everything yourself. [to Batman] Don't we? That's okay. I came prepared. [takes out a detonator, presumably the one that will blow up both ships] It's a funny world that we live in...speaking of which, you know how I got these scars? [motioning towards the scars on his mouth]
No, but I know how you got these!
Joker [Batman fires his steel spike protrusions from his gauntlet, hitting the Joker's hand and releasing his grip on the detonator and Batman; Batman grabs him and throws him over the edge of the skyscraper. Falling and laughing, the Joker is caught by Batman's grappling wire and is hoisted up to where Batman is. The Joker moans in disappointment as he is raised]
Ugh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You...truly are...incorruptible, aren't you, huh? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because...you're just too much fun! [laughs a bit] I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
You'll be in a padded cell forever.
Joker Maybe we could share one! You know, they'll be doubling up the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.
This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.
Joker Until their spirits break completely! Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent and all the heroic things he's done. You didn't think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fist fight with you? No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
What did you do?
Joker I took Gotham's "White Knight", and I...brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!
[The Joker begins to laugh hysterically as Batman storms off. A SWAT team arrives and presumably takes the Joker into custody]
[the Joker meets the Chechen in a warehouse; Lau is tied up on the top of a pile of cash]
No so crazy as you look.
The Joker I told you, I'm a man of my word. [slides down the pile] Where's the Italian?
[Commissioner Gordon musters the police, preparing to apprehend the Joker]
All tactical units will converge on the location in twenty minutes. I want auxiliary units to cover all possible getaway routes.
The Joker You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy, uh, dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline! [Joker's men douse the pile with gasoline]
What the—
The Joker [brandishes pistol]
Ah-ta-ta-ta. And you know the thing that they have in common? They're cheap.
Reese [On TV, Coleman Reese is being interviewed by Mike Engel]
I want to know how much they're paying you to say who Batman really is.
Det. Stephens Hey, Jim, get a load of this!
Engel Let's take the next caller.
Caller
Harvey Dent didn't want to give in to this maniac. Do you think you know better than him?
Reese I think that if we could talk to Dent today, he may feel differently, um -
Engel And we wish him a speedy recovery, because God knows we need him now.
The Joker Oh, I am. [takes Chechen's cigar, blows on the end] I'm only burning my half. [throws cigar onto the pile, setting it ablaze] All you care about is money. This town deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to 'em. Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
They won't work for a freak!
The Joker [mocking the Chechen’s accent]
"Freak"… [throws a knife to his men; they drag the Chechen away] Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is! It's not about money. It's about sending a message. Everything burns!
The Joker [The Joker's voice is heard on the PA systems of two ferries carrying civilians and prisoners]
Tonight you're all gonna be a part of a social experiment. Through the magic of diesel fuel and ammonium nitrate, I'm ready right now to blow you all sky-high.
Ferry Captain
[trying his radio]
Liberty, come in. [no response] It's dead.
The Joker Anyone attempts to get off their boat, you all die.
Lucius Fox
[operating sonar network at Wayne Enterprises]
I'm zeroing in.
The Joker Each of you has the remote to blow up the other boat.
Lucius Fox
The voice is on the ferry...but it's not the source. West.
I have the Joker's location. Prewitt Building. Assemble on the building opposite.
The Joker At midnight, I blow you all up. If, however, one of you presses the button, I'll let that boat live. So, who's it gonna be? Harvey Dent's most wanted scumbag collection, or the sweet and innocent civilians? You choose. Oh, and you might want to decide quickly, because the people on the other boat may not be quite so noble.
