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Zimmer: You don't put on a condom unless you're gonna ****!
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Zimmer: This is a mutiny, Peter. There's only two sides to a mutiny.
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Peter "Weaps" Ince: So what does that make us, since we're the only nation that's ever dropped a nuclear bomb on anybody?
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Capt. Ramsey: Mr. COB!
Chief of the Boat: Yes, sir?
Capt. Ramsey: You're aware of the name of this ship, aren't you Mr. COB?
Chief of the Boat: Very aware, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: It bears a proud name, doesn't it, Mr. COB?
Chief of the Boat: Very proud, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: It represents fine people.
Chief of the Boat: Very fine people, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: Who live in a fine, outstanding state.
Chief of the Boat: Outstanding, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: In the greatest country in the entire world.
Chief of the Boat: In the entire world, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: And what is that name, Mr. COB?
Chief of the Boat: Alabama, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: And what do we say?
Capt. Ramsey, Chief of the Boat: Go Bama!
All: Roll Tide!
Chief of the Boat: Yes, sir?
Capt. Ramsey: You're aware of the name of this ship, aren't you Mr. COB?
Chief of the Boat: Very aware, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: It bears a proud name, doesn't it, Mr. COB?
Chief of the Boat: Very proud, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: It represents fine people.
Chief of the Boat: Very fine people, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: Who live in a fine, outstanding state.
Chief of the Boat: Outstanding, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: In the greatest country in the entire world.
Chief of the Boat: In the entire world, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: And what is that name, Mr. COB?
Chief of the Boat: Alabama, sir!
Capt. Ramsey: And what do we say?
Capt. Ramsey, Chief of the Boat: Go Bama!
All: Roll Tide!
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Capt. Ramsey: How do you like that cigar?
Hunter: It's good, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: It's your first?
Hunter: [coughing] Yeah.
Capt. Ramsey: Well, don't like it too much. They're more expensive than drugs.
Hunter: It's good, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: It's your first?
Hunter: [coughing] Yeah.
Capt. Ramsey: Well, don't like it too much. They're more expensive than drugs.
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Capt. Ramsey: You do qualify your remarks. If someone asked me if we should bomb Japan, a simple "Yes. By all means sir, drop that ****er, twice!" I don't mean to suggest that you're indecisive, Mr. Hunter. Just, uh... complicated. 'course, that's the way the Navy wants you. Me, they wanted simple.
Hunter: Well, you certainly fooled them, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: [chuckles] Be careful there, Mr. Hunter. It's all I've got to rely on, being a simple-minded son of a bitch. Rickover gave me my command, a checklist, a target and a button to push. All I gotta know is how to push it, they tell me when. They seem to want you to know why.
Hunter: I would hope they'd want us all to know why, sir.
Hunter: Well, you certainly fooled them, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: [chuckles] Be careful there, Mr. Hunter. It's all I've got to rely on, being a simple-minded son of a bitch. Rickover gave me my command, a checklist, a target and a button to push. All I gotta know is how to push it, they tell me when. They seem to want you to know why.
Hunter: I would hope they'd want us all to know why, sir.
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Capt. Ramsey: At the Naval War College it was metallurgy and nuclear reactors, not 19th-century philosophy.
[Stifled laugh]
Capt. Ramsey: "War is a continuation of politics by other means." Von Clausewitz.
Hunter: I think, sir, that what he was actually trying to say was a little more -
Capt. Ramsey: Complicated?
[Men laughing]
Hunter: Yes the purpose of war is to serve a political end but the true nature of war is to serve itself.
Capt. Ramsey: [Laughing] I'm very impressed. In other words, the sailor most likely to win the war is the one most willing to part company with the politicians and ignore everything except the destruction of the enemy. You'd agree with that.
Hunter: I'd agree that, um, that's what Clausewitz was trying to say.
Capt. Ramsey: But you wouldn't agree with it?
Hunter: No, sir, I do not. No, I just think that in the nuclear world the true enemy can't be destroyed.
Capt. Ramsey: [Chuckling, tapping glass] Attention on deck. Von Clausewitz will now tell us exactly who the real enemy is.
[Laughing]
Capt. Ramsey: Von?
[Men laughing]
Hunter: In my humble opinion, in the nuclear world, the true enemy is war itself.
[Stifled laugh]
Capt. Ramsey: "War is a continuation of politics by other means." Von Clausewitz.
Hunter: I think, sir, that what he was actually trying to say was a little more -
Capt. Ramsey: Complicated?
[Men laughing]
Hunter: Yes the purpose of war is to serve a political end but the true nature of war is to serve itself.
Capt. Ramsey: [Laughing] I'm very impressed. In other words, the sailor most likely to win the war is the one most willing to part company with the politicians and ignore everything except the destruction of the enemy. You'd agree with that.
Hunter: I'd agree that, um, that's what Clausewitz was trying to say.
Capt. Ramsey: But you wouldn't agree with it?
Hunter: No, sir, I do not. No, I just think that in the nuclear world the true enemy can't be destroyed.
Capt. Ramsey: [Chuckling, tapping glass] Attention on deck. Von Clausewitz will now tell us exactly who the real enemy is.
[Laughing]
Capt. Ramsey: Von?
[Men laughing]
Hunter: In my humble opinion, in the nuclear world, the true enemy is war itself.
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Capt. Ramsey: Short of the outbreak of World War Three, the ship sinking... being attacked by a giant octopus, I'd like to be undisturbed for the next thirty minutes.
Hunter: I'll see to it sir.
Hunter: I'll see to it sir.
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Hunter: Rivetti, what's up?
Rivetti: I'm sorry, Sir. It's just a difference of opinion that got out of hand.
Hunter: What about?
Rivetti: It's really too silly to talk about, Sir. I'd really just forget about...
Hunter: I don't give a damn about what you'd rather forget about. Why were you two fighting?
Rivetti: I said, the Kirby Silver Surfer was the only real Silver Surfer. And that the Moebius Silver Surfer was shit. And Bennefield's a big Moebius fan. And it got of hand. I pushed him. He pushed me. I lost my head, Sir. I'm Sorry.
Hunter: Rivetti, you're a supervisor. You can get a commission like that.
[Snaps finger]
Rivetti: I know, Sir. You're 100 percent right. It will never happen again.
Hunter: It better not happen again. If I see this kind of nonsense again, I'm going to write you up. You understand? [No answer] Do you understand?
Rivetti: Yes, Sir.
Hunter: You have to set an example even in the face of stupidity. Everybody who reads comic books knows that the Kirby Silver Surfer is the only true Silver Surfer. Now am I right or wrong?
Rivetti: You're right, Sir.
Hunter: Now get out of here.
Rivetti: Yes, Sir.
Rivetti: I'm sorry, Sir. It's just a difference of opinion that got out of hand.
Hunter: What about?
Rivetti: It's really too silly to talk about, Sir. I'd really just forget about...
Hunter: I don't give a damn about what you'd rather forget about. Why were you two fighting?
Rivetti: I said, the Kirby Silver Surfer was the only real Silver Surfer. And that the Moebius Silver Surfer was shit. And Bennefield's a big Moebius fan. And it got of hand. I pushed him. He pushed me. I lost my head, Sir. I'm Sorry.
Hunter: Rivetti, you're a supervisor. You can get a commission like that.
[Snaps finger]
Rivetti: I know, Sir. You're 100 percent right. It will never happen again.
Hunter: It better not happen again. If I see this kind of nonsense again, I'm going to write you up. You understand? [No answer] Do you understand?
Rivetti: Yes, Sir.
Hunter: You have to set an example even in the face of stupidity. Everybody who reads comic books knows that the Kirby Silver Surfer is the only true Silver Surfer. Now am I right or wrong?
Rivetti: You're right, Sir.
Hunter: Now get out of here.
Rivetti: Yes, Sir.
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Hunter: Captain, here's the results from the missile drill.
Capt. Ramsey: [looks at the missile drill results] Is this the best they can do?
Hunter: No sir. But, that's what they did.
Capt. Ramsey: I want this down to five minutes. Train on.
Hunter: Yes, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: Tell your buddy Weaps to do it again, and keep on doing it until he gets it right.
Hunter: Yes, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: It looks like the whole crew needs a kick in the ass.
Hunter: Or a pat on the back, sir. I just witnessed a fight down in crew's mess, no big deal. It appears that the crew is a bit on edge about all we're going through. Morale seems a bit low.
Capt. Ramsey: [picks up the intercom and speaks into it] May I have your attention please, crew of the Alabama, Mr. Hunter has brought it to my attention that morale maybe a bit low. and you might be a bit... [looks to Hunter]
Hunter: [whispers] On edge.
Capt. Ramsey: [over the intercom] On edge. so, I suggest this. Any crew member who thinks that they can't handle the situation, can leave the ship right now. Gentlemen, we are at Defcon three, war is imminent. This the captain. That is all. [hangs up the intercom]
Hunter: Very inspiring, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: [looks at the missile drill results] Is this the best they can do?
Hunter: No sir. But, that's what they did.
Capt. Ramsey: I want this down to five minutes. Train on.
Hunter: Yes, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: Tell your buddy Weaps to do it again, and keep on doing it until he gets it right.
Hunter: Yes, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: It looks like the whole crew needs a kick in the ass.
Hunter: Or a pat on the back, sir. I just witnessed a fight down in crew's mess, no big deal. It appears that the crew is a bit on edge about all we're going through. Morale seems a bit low.
Capt. Ramsey: [picks up the intercom and speaks into it] May I have your attention please, crew of the Alabama, Mr. Hunter has brought it to my attention that morale maybe a bit low. and you might be a bit... [looks to Hunter]
Hunter: [whispers] On edge.
Capt. Ramsey: [over the intercom] On edge. so, I suggest this. Any crew member who thinks that they can't handle the situation, can leave the ship right now. Gentlemen, we are at Defcon three, war is imminent. This the captain. That is all. [hangs up the intercom]
Hunter: Very inspiring, sir.
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Capt. Ramsey: We have orders in-hand. Those orders are to make a preemptive launch. Every second that we lose increases the chances that by the time our missiles arrive, their silos could be empty because they've flown their birds and struck us first.
Hunter: Yes sir.
Capt. Ramsey: You know as well as I do that any launch order received without authentication, is no order at all.
Hunter: Yes sir.
Capt. Ramsey: That's our number one rule.
Hunter: National mil--
Capt. Ramsey: And that rule is the basis for the scenario we've trained on, time and time again. It's a rule we follow without exception.
Hunter: Captain, National Military Command Center knows what sector we're in. They have satellites looking down on us to see if our birds are aloft and if they're not, then they give our orders to somebody else. That's why we maintain more than one sub, it's what they call 'redundancy'.
Capt. Ramsey: I know about redundancy, Mr. Hunter.
Hunter: All I'm saying...
[Ramsey walks off. Hunter follows him and lowers his voice.]
Hunter: All I'm saying Captain, is that we have backup. Now it's our duty, not to launch until we can confirm.
Capt. Ramsay: You're presuming we have other submarines out there, ready to launch. Well as Captain, I must assume our submarines could've been taken out by other Akulas. We can play these games all night Mr. Hunter, but ah, I don't have the luxury of your presumptions.
Hunter: Sir...
Capt. Ramsey: Mr. Hunter, we have rules that are not open to interpretation, personal intuition, gut feelings, hairs on the back of your neck, little devils or angels sitting on your shoulder. We're all very well aware of what our orders are and what those orders mean. They come down from our Commander in Chief. They contain no ambiguity.
Hunter: Captain...
Capt. Ramsey: Mr. Hunter: I've made a decision. I'm Captain of this boat. NOW SHUT THE **** UP!
Hunter: Yes sir.
Capt. Ramsey: You know as well as I do that any launch order received without authentication, is no order at all.
Hunter: Yes sir.
Capt. Ramsey: That's our number one rule.
Hunter: National mil--
Capt. Ramsey: And that rule is the basis for the scenario we've trained on, time and time again. It's a rule we follow without exception.
Hunter: Captain, National Military Command Center knows what sector we're in. They have satellites looking down on us to see if our birds are aloft and if they're not, then they give our orders to somebody else. That's why we maintain more than one sub, it's what they call 'redundancy'.
Capt. Ramsey: I know about redundancy, Mr. Hunter.
Hunter: All I'm saying...
[Ramsey walks off. Hunter follows him and lowers his voice.]
Hunter: All I'm saying Captain, is that we have backup. Now it's our duty, not to launch until we can confirm.
Capt. Ramsay: You're presuming we have other submarines out there, ready to launch. Well as Captain, I must assume our submarines could've been taken out by other Akulas. We can play these games all night Mr. Hunter, but ah, I don't have the luxury of your presumptions.
Hunter: Sir...
Capt. Ramsey: Mr. Hunter, we have rules that are not open to interpretation, personal intuition, gut feelings, hairs on the back of your neck, little devils or angels sitting on your shoulder. We're all very well aware of what our orders are and what those orders mean. They come down from our Commander in Chief. They contain no ambiguity.
Hunter: Captain...
Capt. Ramsey: Mr. Hunter: I've made a decision. I'm Captain of this boat. NOW SHUT THE **** UP!
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Capt. Ramsey: [to Hunter] You repeat this order, or I'll find somebody who will!
Hunter: Oh no you won't, sir.
Hunter: Oh no you won't, sir.
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Hunter: Captain Ramsey, under operating procedures governing the release of nuclear weapons we cannot launch our missiles unless both you, and I agree.
Capt. Ramsey: [shouting over Hunter] COB, what're you waiting for?
Hunter: This is not a formality sir, this is expressly why your command must be repeated. It requires my assent, I do not give it and furthermore, if you continue upon this course, and insist upon this launch without confirming this message first...
Capt. Ramsey: [shouting over Hunter] Son of a bitch... As commanding officer of the U.S.S Alabama I order you to place the XO under arrest under charges of mutiny.
Hunter: I will act, backed by the rules of precedence...
Capt. Ramsey: [shouting at the Chief of the Boat, over Hunter] I say again, as commanding officer of the U.S.S Alabama, I order you...
Hunter: -authority in command, regulations number 815, to relieve you of command, Captain.
Capt. Ramsey: -to place the XO under arrest, under charges of mutiny!
[Silence all round]
Capt. Ramsey: COB!
Chief of the Boat: Captain, please, the XO is right. We can't launch unless he concurs.
Capt. Ramsey: [reading EAM] "To the U.S.S. Alabama: Rebel-controlled missiles being fuelled. Launch codes compromised, dissidents threaten to launch at continental United States, set DefCon 2. Immediately launch ten Trident missile sorties." They're FUELING THEIR MISSILES! We don't have time to **** around!
Hunter: Sir, I think you need time to think this over.
Capt. Ramsey: I DON'T HAVE TO THINK THIS OVER!
Hunter: Captain, I relieve you of your command of this ship. COB, escort the Captain to his state room, I'm assuming command.
Capt. Ramsey: You're not assuming anything!
Hunter: CHIEF OF THE BOAT, Captain Ramsey is under arrest -- lock him in his stateroom!
Chief of the Boat: Captain, please...
Hunter: NOW, COB!
Capt. Ramsey: [shouting over Hunter] COB, what're you waiting for?
Hunter: This is not a formality sir, this is expressly why your command must be repeated. It requires my assent, I do not give it and furthermore, if you continue upon this course, and insist upon this launch without confirming this message first...
Capt. Ramsey: [shouting over Hunter] Son of a bitch... As commanding officer of the U.S.S Alabama I order you to place the XO under arrest under charges of mutiny.
Hunter: I will act, backed by the rules of precedence...
Capt. Ramsey: [shouting at the Chief of the Boat, over Hunter] I say again, as commanding officer of the U.S.S Alabama, I order you...
Hunter: -authority in command, regulations number 815, to relieve you of command, Captain.
Capt. Ramsey: -to place the XO under arrest, under charges of mutiny!
[Silence all round]
Capt. Ramsey: COB!
Chief of the Boat: Captain, please, the XO is right. We can't launch unless he concurs.
Capt. Ramsey: [reading EAM] "To the U.S.S. Alabama: Rebel-controlled missiles being fuelled. Launch codes compromised, dissidents threaten to launch at continental United States, set DefCon 2. Immediately launch ten Trident missile sorties." They're FUELING THEIR MISSILES! We don't have time to **** around!
Hunter: Sir, I think you need time to think this over.
Capt. Ramsey: I DON'T HAVE TO THINK THIS OVER!
Hunter: Captain, I relieve you of your command of this ship. COB, escort the Captain to his state room, I'm assuming command.
Capt. Ramsey: You're not assuming anything!
Hunter: CHIEF OF THE BOAT, Captain Ramsey is under arrest -- lock him in his stateroom!
Chief of the Boat: Captain, please...
Hunter: NOW, COB!
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Hunter: Chief of the Boat.
Chief of the Boat: Sir?
Hunter: Thank you, COB.
Chief of the Boat: Thank you? **** you! Get it straight Mr. Hunter, I'm not on your side. Now you could be wrong! But wrong or right, the Captain can't just replace you at will. That was completely improper! And that's why I did what I did. By the book.
Hunter: I thank you anyway.
Chief of the Boat: Sir?
Hunter: Thank you, COB.
Chief of the Boat: Thank you? **** you! Get it straight Mr. Hunter, I'm not on your side. Now you could be wrong! But wrong or right, the Captain can't just replace you at will. That was completely improper! And that's why I did what I did. By the book.
Hunter: I thank you anyway.
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[Hunter asks about the radio repair.]
Hunter: How long's it gonna take?
Vossler: I don't know, sir.
Hunter: You know what's going on here?
Vossler: Yes sir.
Hunter: No, I don't think you do. Let me explain it to you. If we launch, and we're wrong, what's left of Russia is gonna launch at us. There will be a nuclear holocaust beyond imagination, now it's all about knowing, Mister ... Vossler. We have to know whether our order to launch has been recalled or not. The only way we're gonna know, is if you fix that radio, you understand?
Hunter': You ever watch Star Trek?
Vossler: St- yeah, Star...
Hunter: Star Trek! The USS Enterprise? All right, now you remember when the Klingons were gonna blow up the Enterprise and Captain Kirk calls down to Scotty he says "Scotty, I gotta have more power-"
Vossler: He needs more, more warp speed, yeah.
Hunter: Warp speed, exactly. Now I'm Captain Kirk, you're Scotty, I need more power. I'm telling you if you do not get this radio up, a billion people are gonna die; now it's all up to you, I know it's a shitty deal but you got it, can you handle it?
[Vossler is silent.]
Hunter: Scotty?
Vossler: Aye, Captain.
Hunter: How long's it gonna take?
Vossler: I don't know, sir.
Hunter: You know what's going on here?
Vossler: Yes sir.
Hunter: No, I don't think you do. Let me explain it to you. If we launch, and we're wrong, what's left of Russia is gonna launch at us. There will be a nuclear holocaust beyond imagination, now it's all about knowing, Mister ... Vossler. We have to know whether our order to launch has been recalled or not. The only way we're gonna know, is if you fix that radio, you understand?
Hunter': You ever watch Star Trek?
Vossler: St- yeah, Star...
Hunter: Star Trek! The USS Enterprise? All right, now you remember when the Klingons were gonna blow up the Enterprise and Captain Kirk calls down to Scotty he says "Scotty, I gotta have more power-"
Vossler: He needs more, more warp speed, yeah.
Hunter: Warp speed, exactly. Now I'm Captain Kirk, you're Scotty, I need more power. I'm telling you if you do not get this radio up, a billion people are gonna die; now it's all up to you, I know it's a shitty deal but you got it, can you handle it?
[Vossler is silent.]
Hunter: Scotty?
Vossler: Aye, Captain.
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Hunter: Look, it wasn't a mutiny, I did everything by the book.
Chief of the Boat: It's not about the book. If the Russians are gonna launch and we sit here and do nothing... who's gonna stop 'em? Half of me's glad the Captain came back.
. . .
Hunter: What if Radchenko surrendered and it's over, huh? We launch. They see us, and they launch. Our birds pass each other in the air. Boom. What have you got?
Chief of the Boat: Nuclear war.
Hunter: Nuclear holocaust.
Chief of the Boat: It's not about the book. If the Russians are gonna launch and we sit here and do nothing... who's gonna stop 'em? Half of me's glad the Captain came back.
. . .
Hunter: What if Radchenko surrendered and it's over, huh? We launch. They see us, and they launch. Our birds pass each other in the air. Boom. What have you got?
Chief of the Boat: Nuclear war.
Hunter: Nuclear holocaust.
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Capt. Ramsey: Speaking of horses did you ever see those Lipizzaner stallions.
Hunter: What?
Capt. Ramsey: From Portugal. The Lipizzaner stallions. The most highly trained horses in the world. They're all white?
Hunter: Yes, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: "Yes, sir" you're aware they're all white or "Yes, sir" you've seen them?
Hunter: Yes, sir I've seen them. Yes, sir I was aware that they're are all white. They are not from Portugal; they're from Spain and at birth, they're not white; they're black. Sir.
Capt. Ramsey: I didn't know that. But they are from Portugal. [Chuckling] Some of the things they do, uh, defy belief. Their training program is simplicity itself. You just stick a cattle prod up their ass and you can get a horse to deal cards. [Chuckles] Simple matter of voltage.
Hunter: What?
Capt. Ramsey: From Portugal. The Lipizzaner stallions. The most highly trained horses in the world. They're all white?
Hunter: Yes, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: "Yes, sir" you're aware they're all white or "Yes, sir" you've seen them?
Hunter: Yes, sir I've seen them. Yes, sir I was aware that they're are all white. They are not from Portugal; they're from Spain and at birth, they're not white; they're black. Sir.
Capt. Ramsey: I didn't know that. But they are from Portugal. [Chuckling] Some of the things they do, uh, defy belief. Their training program is simplicity itself. You just stick a cattle prod up their ass and you can get a horse to deal cards. [Chuckles] Simple matter of voltage.
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Capt. Ramsey: God help you if you're wrong.
Hunter: If I'm wrong, then we're at war. God help us all.
Hunter: If I'm wrong, then we're at war. God help us all.