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Justin Quayle: [Tessa tells Justin to slow down, wanting to drive a woman, her baby, and her brother who are walking 40 kilometers back to his home] We can't involve ourselves in their lives, Tessa.
Tessa Quayle: Why?
Justin Quayle: Be reasonable. There are millions of people, they all need help. It's what the agencies are here for.
Tessa Quayle: Yeah, but these are three people that we can help.
Tessa Quayle: Why?
Justin Quayle: Be reasonable. There are millions of people, they all need help. It's what the agencies are here for.
Tessa Quayle: Yeah, but these are three people that we can help.
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Justin Quayle: Well, ah, I can't speak for Sir Bernard...
Tessa Quayle: Oh, I thought that was why you were here?
[lecture audience laughs]
Justin Quayle: Well, diplomats have to go where they're sent.
Tessa Quayle: So do labradors.
Justin Quayle: [Smiling] Ouch... Well, I think Mr. Bernard would argue that when peaceful means are exhausted...
Tessa Quayle: Exhausted? Mr.Quayle, they're not exactly exhausted, they're just lying in the way of the tanks!
Tessa Quayle: Oh, I thought that was why you were here?
[lecture audience laughs]
Justin Quayle: Well, diplomats have to go where they're sent.
Tessa Quayle: So do labradors.
Justin Quayle: [Smiling] Ouch... Well, I think Mr. Bernard would argue that when peaceful means are exhausted...
Tessa Quayle: Exhausted? Mr.Quayle, they're not exactly exhausted, they're just lying in the way of the tanks!
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Policeman: For a diplomat you're not a very good liar.
Justin Quayle: I haven't risen very high.
Justin Quayle: I haven't risen very high.
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Sir Curtiss: You're what passes for James Bond around here. Get Her Majesty's secret service to pull a few things. It's what you spies do, isn't it?
Tim Donohue: Is it? Never really sure what it is we do.
Tim Donohue: Is it? Never really sure what it is we do.
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Tessa Quayle: I thought you spies knew everything.
Tim Donohue: Only God knows everything. He works for Mossad.
Tim Donohue: Only God knows everything. He works for Mossad.
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Tim Donohue: [after a car chase through the desert] Who did you think I was?
Justin Quayle: **** you, Donohue! This is bandit country.
Justin Quayle: **** you, Donohue! This is bandit country.
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Tim Donohue: Leave this Justin. Go home.
Justin Quayle: I can't go home. Tessa was my home.
Justin Quayle: I can't go home. Tessa was my home.
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[on drug trials] Put $50,000 in the right hands and you can test battery acid as skin lotion.
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Big pharmaceuticals are right up there with the arms dealers.
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Do you no good to go poking around under rocks, Justin. Some very nasty things live under rocks, especially in foreign gardens.
Arthur "Ham" Hammond
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I only give the food to the women, Mr. Black. Women make the homes, men just make wars... and hooch. Adam was God's first draft – He got it right with Eve. Tell that to your readers, Mr. Black.
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It's like it's a marriage of convenience and all it produces are dead offspring.
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Sorry, I've just got one question: Whose map is Britain using when it completely ignores the United Nations and decides to invade Iraq? Or do you think it's more diplomatic to bend to the will of a superpower and politely take part in Vietnam the Sequel?
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They're a drug company, Arnold. Come on, no drug company does something for nothing.