[discovers that the woodcarver is a witch; excitedly]
You're a 'WITCH!'
[still trying to hide her identity; carving]
Woodcarver.
That's why the wisps led me here!
[getting angrily-isher; carving]
Woodcarver!
[more excited]
You'll change my fate!
[angrier; chopping up the log with an axe]
WOODCARVER!!!
[snaps]
I'M NOT A WITCH! TOO MANY UNSATISFIED CUSTOMERS! [Merida stares at her in fright; calms down] If you're not going to buy anything, get out! [snaps her fingers and knives point at Merida]
No, the wisps led me here!
I DON'T CARE! GET OUT! SHOO! GET! BE GONE WITH YOU! [uses her powers to float knives towards Merida forcing her out of the cottage]
[Suddenly the floating knives stop in mid-air]
What’s that?
[The floating knives suddenly point away from Merida]
And how are you going to pay for that?
With this. [takes off her necklace]
C Crow
That'll set up for months.
[The floating knives fall as the Witch tries grabs Merida’s necklace] [pulls the necklace away]
Every carving and one spell.
Are you sure you know what you’re doing?
I want a spell to change my mommy. That will change my fate.
Done! [quickly grabs the necklace. After agreeing to give Merida a spell, the Witch walks out of her cottage and then walks back towards her cottage]
[After Mor'du is defeated]
The second sunrise! Oh, no. I don't understand, I... Oh, mom! I'm sorry. This is all my fault! I did this to you! To us! You've always been there for me. You've never given up on me. I just want you back! I want you back, mommy! I love you. [looks up and sees Elinor has changed back into a human form] Mom, you're back! You changed!
[warmly]
Oh, darling. We both have.
You're back, you're back here!
Ehm, dear? I'm naked. Naked as a wee babby. Don't just stare at me, do something!
What the...? Avert your eyes, lads! Show some respect! Now that's what I call a wee naked babby!
[Elinor feels sick after eating a cursed cake]
Just take all the time you need to get yourself right, Mom. And maybe in a bit you might have something new to say on the marriage.
[groaning]
What was in that cake?
Cake? [Suddenly, Elinor rolls off the bed in pain] Mom? So, I'll just tell them the wedding's off then. Mom? [hears a growling noise from where Elinor rolled of down the bed. She walks round to see if Elinor is fine, she sees a giant shapes under the blanket. It rises from the floor and the blanket falls off, revealed Elinor has transformed into a bear, making her scream in terror] Bear! Mom? You're a BEAR! Why, a bear?! [realizing] OH, that scaffy witch gave me a gammy spell! [Bear Elinor stares at her, demanding to know what she meant] It's not my fault. I didn't ask her to change you into a bear! I just wanted her to change you. [realizes she screwed up]
[A shocked and outraged Bear Elinor roars at her]
[First lines; Elinor and Young Merida are playing hide-and-seek]
Where are you? Come out, come out, come on out! I'm coming to get you! [Young Merida laughs as she hides under the table] Where are you, you little rascal? I'm coming to get you! [looks under the table but Merida quickly moves to hide somewhere else] Hmm, where is my little birthday girl? I'm going to gobble her up when I find her! [Merida comes up behind her and goes to run away, but she catches her] I'm going to eat you! [as she and Merida play, Fergus places his bow on the table] Ach! Fergus, no weapons on the table!
YM Young Merida
Can I shoot an arrow? [picks up the large bow from the table] Can I, can I, can I, can I? Please, can I? [falls and laughs as the bow is too big for her]
Not with that. Why not use your very own? [presents her with a small bow] Happy birthday, my wee darling! Now, there's a good girl. Draw all the way back now to your cheek. That's right. Keep both eyes open. And, loose!
YM Young Merida
I missed...
Go and fetch it, then. [turns to Fergus after Young Merida leaves] A bow, Fergus? She's a lady! [Fergus grabs her butt] Oh, you!
YM Young Merida
A will-o'-the-wisp. They are real.
Merida! Come on, sweetheart, we’re leaving now.
YM Young Merida
I saw a wisp! I saw a wisp!
A wisp? You know, some say that will-o'-the-wisps lead you to your fate.
Oh, aye! Or an arrow! Come on, let’s be off. Before we see a dancing charging bubu or a giant...
Your father doesn’t believe in magic.
YM Young Merida
Well he should, cause it’s true. [sees Mor'du for the first time]
Mor'du! Elinor, run! [About to attack Mor'du] COME ON, YOU!
C The Crow
[Last lines, after the credits; the guard sleeps by the gate, then he hears a caw, waking him up]
Delivery. Sign here. Sign here. [caws at the guard] Come on, birdbrain. I haven't got all day.
[The spear falls and lays on the ground]
Merida, a princess does not place her weapons on the table.
[moans]
Mum, it's just my bow!
A princess should not have weapons in my opinion.
Leave her be! Princess or not, learning to fight is essential.
[removes her bow from the table]
Mum, you'll never guess what I did today!
[not really listening]
Mmm-hmm?
I climbed up the Crone's Tooth and drank from the Fire Falls.
[Hamish, Hubert and Harris look at her in awe]
The Fire Falls, eh? They say only the ancient kings were brave enough to drink the fire.
[Merida wrinkles her nose at Fergus and giggles] [looks up from the documents she's reading; to Merida]
What did you do, dear?
[disappointed]
Nothing, Mum.
[telling a story]
Then out of nowhere, the biggest bear you've ever seen! Its hide littered with the weapons of fallen warriors! Its face scarred with one dead eye. I drew my sword and...
[cuts in]
WHOOSH! 1 swipe, his sword shattered, then CHOMP! Dad's leg was clean off! Down the monster's throat it went!
Awwwwww... That's my favorite part!
Mor'du has never been seen since. And is roaming the wilds, waiting his chance at revenge. [roars]
Let him return. I’ll finish what I gobbled in the first place.
Oh, come on, now! Pretend I'm Merida, speak to me. What would you say?
Sure, you can! [Elinor gives him a skeptical look] There, there! That's my queen! All right, here we go. [takes a deep breath and speaks in a shrilly voice, impersonating Merida] "I don't want to get married! I want to stay single and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen, firing arrows into the sunset!" [smiles and nods. Elinor smiles and takes a deep breath.]
Merida, all this work, all the time spent preparing you, schooling you, giving you everything we never had. I ask you, what do you expect us to do?
[in the royal stables; taking care of Angus and rehearsing her own speech]
Call off the gathering! Would that kill them? You're the queen. You can just tell the lords, "The princess is not ready for this. In fact, she might not ever be ready for this, so that's that. Good day to you. We'll expect your declarations of war in the morning."
I understand this must all seem unfair. Even I had reservations when I faced betrothal. [Fergus looks up in surprise] But we can't just run away from who we are.
I don't want my life to be over. I want my freedom!
But are you willing to pay the price your freedom will cost?
I'm not doing any of this to hurt you.
If you could just try to see what I do, I do out of love.
But it's my life, it's... I'm just not ready.
I think you'd see if you could just...
I think I could make you understand if you would just...
Listen. [Angus whinnies at her] I swear, Angus, this isn't going to happen. [Angus touches her sympathetically and she pets him] Not if I have any say in it.
Stop! STOP! YOU’RE COVERED WITH FUR!! You’re not naked. It’s like anyone gonna see you. Now you done it.
[Maudie runs into Fergus and the others]
Maudie! [Maudie stutters] Calm down, lass. What is it? [Maudie still stutters] [impatiently] Spit it out, Maudie!
I KNEW IT!! HYAAAAAH!! [he and the other men charge to where Maudie came from]
Would you just listen me.
[Fergus, the lords, their sons, and the rest of the men are being distracted by the triplets, thinking there's a bear in the castle]
I think we should lay a trap.
[angrily]
TRY SHUTTING YOURS! [They then hear a growl and see a shadow of a bear] There he is!
[They chase it up the castle roof and realize it is gone]
It must've sprouted wings.
Or was carried away by a giant birdy.
[mockingly]
"Bear in the castle!" [normal] Doesn't make sense. It cannot open doors. He's got big, giant paws!
[groans]
Let's just get inside. [tries to open the door, but can't] It's locked!
[points to Dingwall]
Dingwall was the last up!
I propped it open with a stick!
[The men groan, and from the other side of the door, it is revealed that two of the triplets took the stick and chucked it away]
[Merida – assisted by Bear Elinor – asks the lords' sons to write their own stories, follow their hearts, and find love in their own time]
Well, since you've obviously made up your minds about this, I have one thing to say: This is–
YM Young Macintosh
[interrupting in a gleeful tone]
A GRAND IDEA! [to his father] Give us our own say in choosing our fate.
[stunned with outrage]
WHAT?!
WD Wee Dingwall
Aye. Why shouldn't we choose?
[also stunned]
But she's the princess!
WD Wee Dingwall
I didn't pick her out. It was your idea.
[to his son]
And you, you... feel the same way?
YM Young MacGuffin
[in a thick accent]
It's just not fair making us fight for the hand of a quine who doesn't want any bit of it. Good?
[The Dingwalls and Macintoshes stare at each other confused; Merida giggles]
[Merida and Bear Elinor reach the witch's cottage]
I can't believe it. I found it. [excitedly opens the door, only to find the cottage completely empty with only the cauldron still in the middle; confused] No. She was here. [closes the door; to Bear Elinor] No, really, she was just here. [Bear Elinor whines] Oh, wait. [snaps her fingers then opens the door again, but finds it the same as before] No. [bangs the door shut. Tries again several times, but to no avail] No, no. No! No! [steps in the door and accidentally trips a wire, starting a Rube Goldberg machine that eventually shoots a knife, nearly killing Merida. The cauldron begins to bubble and glow green. Merida and Bear Elinor walk over. A ghostly image of the witch appears above the cauldron]
Welcome to the Crafty Carver, home of bear-themed carvings and novelties. I am completely out of stock at this time. But, if you'd like to inquire about portraits or wedding cake toppers, pour vial one into the cauldron. If you'd like the menu in Gaelic, vial two. If you're that red-haired lass, vial three. To speak with a live homunculus-- [Merida quickly grabs the third vial, pops it open and pours its contents into the cauldron] Princess! I'm off to the Wickerman Festival in Stornoway and won't be back till spring. There's one bit I forgot to tell you about the spell. By the second sunrise, your spell will become permanent, [Merida gasps] unless you remember these words: [turns red] "Fate be changed, look inside, mend the bond torn by pride." [turns back to green]
[confused]
"Fate be changed?" "Mend the bond?" What does that mean?
One more time. [turns red again] "Fate be changed, look inside, mend the bond torn by pride." [turns back to green again; cheerfully] That's it! Tah-tah! Oh, and thank you for shopping at the Crafty Carver! [disappears]
[panicking]
No. No! Where'd you go? [pours another vial into the cauldron]
[suddenly reappears]
Welcome to the Crafty Carver...
...for all your-- [Merida pours in another vial, causing the speech to overlap]
Maybe there's a book of spells. [to Bear Elinor] Look around. We'll need more vials. [proceeds to frantically dump in the last two vials]
I'm off to the Wickerman Festival in Stornoway, and-- [all of the messages begin talking over one another. Merida and Bear Elinor brace for impact] Thank you for visiting. Have a lovely day! [the cauldron explodes, tearing apart the cottage]
