Archibald Snatcher [first line, Snatcher to Butler at the front door]
Wake his Lordship. The unspeakable has happened, We must speak of it immediately! [struggles with Butler, trying to slam the door on him]
LP Lord Portley-Rind
[Frustrated]
What is is, Snatcher?
Archibald Snatcher BOXTROLLS HAVE COME AND STOLEN A CHILD!
LP Lord Portley-Rind
Gasp, no.
Archibald Snatcher There's no doubt, picking their teeth with his adorable baby bones, by now.
LP Lord Portley-Rind
Horribly tragedy. [uninterested] Let's deal with it in the morning.
Archibald Snatcher [while butler aggressively presses the door on Snatcher]
STOP, that's not the worst of it. They'll come after... [Butler slams the door in Snatcher's face, and is now talking through the mail slot of the mansion] Our cheeses!
LP Lord Portley-Rind
[scared]
MY GOUDA?
Archibald Snatcher They'll stop at nothing.
LP Lord Portley-Rind
Oh, you're the town exterminator; I'll pay whatever it takes.
Archibald Snatcher Oh, I don't want money; I want one of those [pointing at Portley Rind's hat]
LP Lord Portley-Rind
A white hat? You? ABSURD!
Archibald Snatcher Alright then, by prepare to say bye-bye to your brie, cheerio to your cheddar, goodbye...
LP Lord Portley-Rind
Hey, have every boxtroll gone, with proof.
Archibald Snatcher For a white hat? I WILL DESTROY EVERY LAST BOXTROLL IN THIS TOWN! [laughs maniacally]
LP Lord Portley-Rind
[after learning that Snatcher was lying about the boxtrolls and the Trubshaws]
He lied to us, and to poor Madame Frou Frou. Snatcher...
Archibald Snatcher [Using Madame Frou Frou's voice]
We could have been something special, but you have broken our agreement.
LP Lord Portley-Rind
Why is he talking like Madame Frou... [realises] Oh my god! I regret so much.
Archibald Snatcher [Dons a "white hat"]
Men, don your white hats. [Mr. Pickles, Mr. Trout, and Mr. Gristle take off their red hats and put on their "white hats".]
P Mr.Pickles
[nervously]
Are you sure about this, boss?
Archibald Snatcher Huh?
P Mr. Pickles
You know what cheese can do to you...
Archibald Snatcher Unless you are referring to how cheese brings men of respect and power together in brotherhood, [leans over to Mr. Pickles] no, I do not know what Cheese. Does. To. Me
P Mr. Pickles
[gulps]
That's what I meant then...
Archibald Snatcher [delighted]
Marvelous. Then let us begin!
Archibald Snatcher [Mr. Trout begins to cut the cheese into normal bits, before cutting the rest into smaller pieces, with Snatcher watching.] [impatient, slamming his fists onto the table]
ENOUGH!
[Startled, Mr. Trout serves the remaining pieces of cheese onto three plates, which are taken by Mr. Pickles and Mr. Gristle, leaving the smallest piece on the last plate. After setting it down, he slowly rotates the table. Annoyed, Snatcher spins the table around to his side. Grabbing a fork, he tries to pick up the cheese piece, but his plate moves out of reach. Irritated, he looks up at his men, who have turned the table. He lifts the fork again as they move the plate back into place.]
Archibald Snatcher [eats a tiny bit of cheddar, and swallows. After a moment, he smiles in satisfaction]
T Mr. Trout
[surprisingly]
Oh!
Archibald Snatcher I say, old chaps, it's quite, um [pause] It's, um [pauses] It's quite, um
T Mr. Trout
[breaking in]
Aromatic? Oaky? With an undertone of a mother's smile on a warm spring day? Hmmm [smiling thoughtfully]
Archibald Snatcher Yes! Those things. Etcetera, ectetera, big words, chummy banter.
P Mr. Pickles
[Said as he breaks into an allergic reaction to the cheese] [Noticing that Snatcher is having an allergic reaction to a piece of cheese he just ate. Whispering to Mr. Trout]
Someone's got the cheese fits again.
T Mr. Trout
[to Mr. Gristle]
Oh, quickly, quietly get the leeches.
G Mr. Gristle
[while silently sneaking around Snatcher]
Quietly. Quietly.
Archibald Snatcher [Noticing that Trout's leaving the table]
Where's he going?
Archibald Snatcher Is he getting more cheese?
Archibald Snatcher [Snatcher's lower lip swells up. Making Mr. Pickles and Mr. Trout shocked.]
What?
P Mr. Pickles
I think you've had enough for today, boss.
