If we were meeting for the first time today on a train, would you find me attractive?
Of course.
No, but really, right now as I am? Would you start talking to me? Would you ask me to get off the train with you?
[Both laugh]
Well, I mean, you're asking a theoretical question. I mean, what would my life situation be? I mean technically, wouldn't I be cheating on you?
Okay. Why can't you just say "yes"?
No, I did. I said, "of course"! That was -
No-no-no! I wanted you to say something romantic and you blew it.
Oh, okay. Alright, wait - if I saw you on a train, okay, listen. I would lock eyes with you.
Uh-huh.
And then I'd walk right up to you and I'd say, "Hey, baby. You are making me as horny as a billy goat in a briar patch."
[He grabs her butt.]
Stop it, that's disgusting! Billy goat. No, the truth is, you failed the test. And the fact is, you would not pick me up on a train. You wouldn't even notice me, a fat-assed middle-aged mom, losing her hair.
Okay. [Laughing] Losing her hair?
Yeah, that's me!
You set me up to fail. Honestly, you did.
Okay, true. True.
Alright? Alright? But in the real world, baldy, on game day when it mattered, I did talk to you on a train. I did that, it was the best thing I ever did.
