All playwrights should be dead for three hundred years!

That would solve none of their problems, because actresses never die. The stars never die and never change.

You may change this star any time you want for a new and fresh and exciting one, fully equipped with fire and music. Anytime you want, starting with tonight's performance....

I shall never understand the weird process by which a body with a voice suddenly fancies itself as a mind. Just when exactly does an actress decide they're her words she's saying and her thoughts she's expressing?

Usually at the point when she has to rewrite and rethink them to keep the audience from leaving the theater.

It's about time the piano realized it has not written the concerto!

And you, I take it, are the Paderewski who plays his concerto on me, the piano?