Airplane II: The Sequel quotes

40 total quotes

View Quote Clerk: Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Witness: Ain't no thing. [slaps the clerk's book and the clerk uses his book to slap the witness's hand as if "giving fives" to each other]
Defense Attorney: [approaches the witness as he sits down in the witness stand] Would you describe in your own words, what happened that night?
Witness: Yo! Check it, bleed. Bro... was on! Didn't trip. But the folks was freakin', man. Hey, and the pilots were laid to the bone, Home. So Blood hammered out and jammed jet ship. Tightened that bad sucker inside the runaway like a mother. Shit. ["Mr. Striker performed exceptionally. The passengers were very concerned. The pilots were incapacitated. So Mr. Striker took control and landed that plane safely. Golly!"]
[the stenographer wears sunglasses and sways back and forth as he types]

View Quote [Ted climbs over the wall guarding the mental hospital, removes his gown revealing his regular clothes and throws the gown out of harm's way. The gown comes back and covers Ted's head. Ted drops the gown beside him and starts to run while trying to avoid being spotted by a searchlight. Ted pauses when he encounters a lounge singer in a spotlight. The singer wears a tuxedo with his bow tie untied and he holds a microphone. It's Jack Jones.]
Lounge Singer: [sings] floats back to you... Ooh, The Love Boat... soon will be making another run. The Love Boat...
[Ted continues to run]

View Quote Buck Murdock: Striker, you get that ship down... and down safe... [a giant money safe crashes to the floor behind Murdock] ... and there just might be a few of us who will forget about Macho Grande.

View Quote Controller #3: You're right. They're off course and headed straight for the Sun. [shakes head] I've seen enough, Bob. [gestures to Controller who switches display screen to ice hockey game]
Controller #3: Get me Steve McCroskey, fast!
Controller #1: McCroskey hasn't handled a tower since the strike.
Controller #2: Ever since Reagan fired the controllers, he's been completely senile!
Controller #3: Yeah, but what about McCroskey?
Controller #1: Pretty much the same as Reagan.
Controller #3: I don't care, get him!

View Quote Elaine Dickinson: I don't know how to say this, but maybe in this mixed-up, topsy-turvy world of ours, they should take all the quote "sane" people and lock them up and let all the psychopaths out of the asylums to run the world...No, I guess on second thought, that's a bad idea, Ted.

View Quote Terrorists At Beginning of film: Watch your step! [as they help blindfolded victims out of their van]

View Quote Mr. Hammen: I've always loved you darling, but I have to tell you, I was unfaithful to you, just once.
Mrs. Hammen: Oh I understand, darling.
Mr. Hammen: Remember Joan? My first secretary?
Mrs. Hammen: Thats alright, I knew about it all the time. I was unfaithful too.
Mr. Hammen: I understand darling.
Mrs. Hammen: Remember Susan? Your last receptionist?

View Quote Steve McCroskey: Listen good. That thing is bound to come apart on you at that speed, and that's no good! It's got to be in one piece when you land on the moon! You know damn well that that warp drive has never been tested! [stabs his cigarette into the left hand of the controller sitting next to him] You're putting yourself and everybody else on that ship in jeopardy!
[Cuts to Art Fleming hosting a Jeopardy! game on the shuttle with the passengers as the contestants]
Art Fleming: All right, Contestant #38.
Contestant #38: Art, I'll take Air Shuttle Disasters for $40.
Art Fleming: The answer is... [The $40 display rotates to reveal the answer] ...the Mayflower!

View Quote Steve McCroskey: We're all betting on you. [In another room, people draw their bets as to whether the Shuttle passengers will die or not]

View Quote Joe Selucci: I don't know if this is a good time to ask, but would it be possible for me to get my briefcase back?