[Alex, skipping school, finds P. R. Deltoid sitting on his parents' bed]
Hi-hi-hi, Mr. Deltoid! Funny surprise, seeing you here.
Ah, Alex, boy! Awake at last, yes? I met your mother on the way to work, yes? [holds up key] She gave me the key. [tosses it onto bedside table] She said something about a pain somewhere, hence not at school, yes?
A rather intolerable pain in the head, brother, sir. I think it should be cleared by this after-lunch.
Or certainly by this evening, yes. The evening's the great time, isn't it, Alex, boy? Hmmm?
Cup of the old chai, sir?
No time, no time, yes. [pats bed] Sit, sit, sit!
To what do I owe this extreme pleasure, sir? [sits by Deltoid] Anything wrong, sir?
Wrong? [tousles and then pulls Alex's hair] Why should you think of anything being wrong? Have you been doing something you shouldn't, yes?
Just a manner of speech, sir.
Yes, well, it's just a manner of speech from your post-corrective advisor to you that you watch out, little Alex, because next time it's not going to be the corrective school any more. Next time, it's going to be the barry place, and all my work ruined! If you've no respect for your horrible self, you at least might have some for me, who've sweated over you! [slaps Alex's thigh] A big black mark, I tell you, for every one we don't reclaim! A confession of failure for every one of you who ends up in the stripey hole!
I've been doing nothing I shouldn't, sir. The millicents have nothing on me, brother...sir, I mean.
[pulls Alex backwards onto the bed]
Cut out this clever talk about millicents. Just because the police haven't picked you up lately doesn't, as you very well know, mean that you've not been up to some nastiness. There was a bit of a nastiness last night, yes? Some very extreme nastiness, yes? A few of a certain Billyboy's friends were ambulanced off late, yes. Your name was mentioned. The word's got through to me by the usual channels. Certain friends of yours were named also. Oh, nobody can prove anything about anybody as usual, but I'm warning you, little Alex, being a good friend to you as always, the one man in this sore and sick community who wants to save you from yourself!
[roughly grabs Alex's privates; he stands up groaning in pain; Deltoid drinks from a glass of water, not noticing the set of dentures it holds]
What gets into you all? We study the problem. We've been studying it for damn well near a century, yes, but we get no further with our studies. You've got a good home here, good loving parents. You've got not too bad of a brain. Is it some devil that crawls inside of you?
Nobody's got anything on me, brother, sir. I've been out of the rookers of the millicents for a long time now.
That's just what worries me: a bit too long to be safe. You're about due now by my reckoning. That's why I'm warning you, little Alex, to keep your handsome young proboscis out of the dirt. Do I make myself clear?
As an unmuddied lake, sir. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, sir.
[Deltoid drinks again, sees the dentures, and sets the glass aside with a gag]
