Zoolander quotes

View Quote Brint: I knew it was a joke Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!

View Quote Meekus: Earth-to-Brint!?

View Quote Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh, ahh. I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize, "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days and couldn't some of this maybe be in your mind?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
Finnish Dwarf: Cool story Hansel.

View Quote Matilda: What time is it?
Derek Zoolander: Almost five.
Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys--
Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak-fest last night."

View Quote Billy Zane: Hey, Derek, back on top, man.
Derek Zoolander: Thanks, Billy. You rock.
Billy Zane: No, you rock. When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?
Derek Zoolander: Not yet. You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.

View Quote Matilda: When I was in seventh grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew!

View Quote Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: ... you can read minds?

View Quote Matilda: So when did you know you wanted to be a model?
Derek Zoolander: Hmm, I guess it would have to be the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking, "Wow, you're ridiculously good looking. Maybe you could do that for a career."
Matilda: Do what?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.

View Quote Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?
Derek: Oh, snap!

View Quote Larry Zoolander: You're dead to me Derek. You're deader to me than your dead mother. I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid.
Derek Zoolander: Mer-man! [high-pitched cough] Mer-man!

View Quote [Derek looks at the model for a moment, then throws it on the floor]
Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?
Mugatu: Derek, it's just a small--
Derek Zoolander: I don't wanna hear your excuses! The center has to be at least... three times bigger than this!

View Quote Brint: [about Hansel] Have you seen the way he combs his hair?
Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?
Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model.
Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke.
Brint: Uh, Earth to Meekus, duh okay I knew that!
Meekus: Uh, Earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you do because you were all like 'well I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel' like you DIDN'T know it was a joke! aha, haha
Brint: I knew it was a joke, Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!
Meekus: Earth to Brint...
Derek Zoolander: Will you guys stop it already!

View Quote Brint: Ya know what could really help you sort through these important issues?
Derek Zoolander: What?
Brint, Meekus, Rufus: ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINOS!

View Quote Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week.
Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda: That was last Friday.
Derek Zoolander: Uh, Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?

View Quote Hansel: Well, I guess you can Dere-lick my balls.
Derek: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.