The Wizard of Oz

The Wizard of Oz quotes

83 total quotes (ID: 634)

Dorothy Gale
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North
Multiple Characters
The Munchkins
The Scarecrow
The Cowardly Lion
The Tin Man
The Wicked Witch of the West


Dorothy: Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda: You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.
Dorothy: I have?
Scarecrow: Then why didn't you tell her before?
Glinda: She wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.
Scarecrow: What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Well, I—I think that it, that it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em — and it's that — if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?
Glinda: That's all it is!
Scarecrow: But that's so easy! I should've thought of it for you -
Tin Man: I should have felt it in my heart -
Glinda: No, she had to find it out for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds!
Dorothy: Oh! Toto too?
Glinda: Toto too.
Dorothy: Now?
Glinda: Whenever you wish.
...
Glinda: Then close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, 'There's no place like home'.


The Wizard: Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?
Dorothy: Please sir, we've done what you told us. We brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.
The Wizard: Oh, you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful.
Dorothy: Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promises, if you please, sir.
The Wizard: Not so fast, NOT SO FAST! I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow.
Dorothy: Tomorrow? Oh, but I want to go home now!
Tin Man: You've had plenty of time to think already!
Cowardly Lion: Yeah!
The Wizard: DO NOT AROUSE THE WRATH OF THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ! I SAID COME BACK TOMORROW!
Dorothy: If you were really Great and Powerful, you'd keep your promises!
The Wizard: [As Toto reveals him behind a curtain] You presume to criticize the Great Oz?! You ungrateful creatures! You're lucky that I'm only holding this till tomorrow, instead of the next TWENTY YEARS from now! [They notice him] Er... the Great Oz has spoken. [Redraws the curtain hastily] PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! THE GREAT, er... OZ... HAS SPOKEN!!
Dorothy: [Pulling aside the curtain] Who are you?
The Wizard: Oh, er, [Into a microphone, which increases his voice dramatically] I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL [In normal voice] ... Wizard... of Oz.
Dorothy: You are?! I don't believe you.
The Wizard: I'm afraid it's true. There's no other Wizard except me.
Scarecrow: You humbug!
Tin Man: Yeah!
The Wizard: Yes. That's exactly so. I'm a humbug.
Dorothy: Oh, you're a very bad man!
The Wizard: Oh, no, my dear, I... I'm a very good man - I'm just a very bad Wizard.
Scarecrow: What about the heart that you promised Tin Man?! And the courage that you promised Cowardly Lion?!
Tin Man and Cowardly Lion: And Scarecrow's brain!
The Wizard: Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity! Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain! Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts — and with no more brains than you have. But! They have one thing you haven't got! A diploma! Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universita Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
Scarecrow: "Th.D."?
The Wizard: That's, er, "Doctor of Thinkology".
Scarecrow: [Rapid] The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. [Normal, amazed] Oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?
The Wizard: Well, you can't! [To the Cowardly Lion] As for you, my fine friend — you're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom! Back where I come from though we have men who are called heroes. Once a year, they take their fortitude out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have. But — They have one thing that you haven't got! A medal! Therefore, for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against Wicked Witches, I award you the Triple Cross. You are now a member of the Legion of Courage!
Cowardly Lion: Oh... Shucks, folks, I'm speechless!
The Wizard: [To the Tin Man] As for you, my galvanized friend - you want a heart! You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
The Tin Man: But I-- I still want one.
The Wizard: Back where I come from, there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila-, er, er, philanth-er, good-deed doers! And their hearts are no bigger than yours. But! - They have one thing you haven't got. A testimonial! Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection. And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.
Tin Man: [Listens to his new heart-shaped testimonial] Oh! Oh, it ticks! Listen! Look, it ticks!
Cowardly Lion: Read what my medal says: "Courage"! Ain't it the truth!
Dorothy: Oh, they're all wonderful.
Scarecrow: Hey! What about Dorothy?
Tin Man: Yes, how about Dorothy?
Cowardly Lion: Yeah, Dorothy next!
The Wizard: [Thinking] Yes, Dorothy, er...
Dorothy: I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
The Wizard: Well, you've forced me into a cataclysmic decision. The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!
Dorothy: Oh, will you? Could you? Oh — but are you a clever enough Wizard to manage it?
The Wizard: Child, you cut me to the quick. I'm an old Kansas man myself; born and bred in the heart of the Western wilderness. Premiere Balloonist par excellence for the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company. Until one day, while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill never before attempted by civilized man, an unfortunate phenomena occurred. The balloon failed to return to the fair!
Cowardly Lion: It did?
Dorothy: Weren't you frightened?
Wizard: Frightened? You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe - I was petrified. Then suddenly, the wind changed and the balloon floated down into the heart of this noble city, where I was instantly acclaimed Oz, the first Wizard Deluxe! Times being what they were, I accepted the job, retaining my balloon against the advent of a quick getaway. And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return to the land of E Pluribus Unum!

Cowardly Lion: Put 'em up, put 'em uuuuuup! Which one of you first? I'll fight ya both together if you want. I'll fight ya with one paw tied behind my back! I'll fight ya standin' on one foot! I'll fight ya with my eyes closed! [To the Tin Man] Ooooh, pulling an axe on me, hey? [To the Scarecrow] Sneakin' up on me, hey? Why, gnong-gnong!
Tin Man: Here, here. Go away and let us alone!
Cowardly Lion: Oh, scared, huh? Afraid, huh? How long can you stay fresh in that can? Ha-ha-ha-ha. Come on, get up and fight, ya shivering junkyard. [To the Scarecrow] Put your hands up, ya lopsided bag of hay.
Scarecrow: Now that's getting personal, Lion!
Tin Man: Yes, get up and teach him a lesson.
Scarecrow: What's wrong with you teachin' him?
Tin Man: W-w-w-ell, I hardly know 'im.
[Toto barks and yips at the Lion]
Cowardly Lion: I'll get you anyway, peewee. [chases after Toto]
[Dorothy scoops Toto into her arms and slaps the Lion]
Dorothy: Shame on you!
Cowardly Lion: [crying] What did you do that for? I didn't bite him.
Dorothy: No, but you tried to. It's bad enough picking on a straw man, but when you go around picking on poor little dogs...
Cowardly Lion: Well, you didn't have to go and hit me, did ya? Is my nose bleeding?
Dorothy: Well, of course not. My goodness, what a fuss you're making. Well, naturally when you go around picking on things weaker than you are. Why, you're nothing but a great big coward!
Cowardly Lion: You're right. I am a coward. I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself! Look at the circles under my eyes. I haven't slept in weeks.
Tin Man: Why don't you try counting sheep?
Cowardly Lion: That doesn't do any good, I'm afraid of 'em.
Scarecrow: That's too bad. [to Dorothy] Don't you think the wizard could help him too?
Dorothy: I don't see why not. [to the Lion] Why don't you come with us? We're on our way to see the wizard now...[pointing to the Tin Man] to get him a heart...
Tin Man: [pointing at the Scarecrow] And him a brain.
Dorothy: I'm sure he could give you some courage.
Cowardly Lion: Wouldn't you feel degraded to be seen in the company of a cowardly lion? I would.
Dorothy: Of course not.
Cowardly Lion: Gee, that's awfully nice of you. My life has been simply unbearable.
Dorothy: Well, it's all right now. The wizard will fix everything.

Wicked Witch: And you, my dear, what an unexpected pleasure. It's so kind of you to visit me in my loneliness.
Dorothy: What are you gonna do with my dog? Give him back to me.
Wicked Witch: All in good time, my little pretty. All in good time.
Dorothy: Oh, please give me back my dog.
Wicked Witch: Certainly, certainly, when you give me those slippers.
Dorothy: But the Good Witch of the North told me not to.
Wicked Witch: Very well. [To her winged-monkey captain] Throw that basket in the river and drown him.
Dorothy: No, no! Here, you can have your old slippers, but give me back Toto!
Wicked Witch: That's a good little girl. I knew you'd see reason.
[The Wicked Witch is zapped when she tries to take the slippers]
Dorothy: Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't do it! Can I still have my dog?
Wicked Witch: No! Fool that I am. I should have remembered. Those slippers will never come off, as long as you're alive. But that's not what's worrying me. It's how to do it. These things must be done delicately, or you hurt the spell.
[Toto leaps out from the basket and runs out the door]
Dorothy: Run Toto, Run!
Wicked Witch: Catch him, you Fool!
[Toto escapes]
Dorothy: He got away! He got away!
Wicked Witch: Ooh, which is more than you will. Drat you and your dog! You've been more trouble to me than you're worth, one way or another, but it'll soon be over now. Do you see that? [She holds up a large hourglass timer] That's how much longer you've got to be alive. And it isn't long, my pretty. It isn't long. I can't wait forever to get those shoes.

It's always best to start at the beginning – and all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road.

Wicked Witch: Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East?! Was it you?!
Dorothy: No, no it was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody!
Wicked Witch: Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents too.
Glinda: Aren't you forgetting the ruby slippers?
Wicked Witch: The slippers. Yes! The slippers... [She reaches for them, but they disappear and the feet curl up under the house] They're gone! The ruby slippers. What have you done with them? Give them back to me or I'll...
Glinda: [after the slippers appear on Dorothy's feet] It's too late. There they are and there they'll stay.
Wicked Witch: Give me back my slippers. I'm the only one that knows how to use them. They're no use to you. Give them back to me. Give them back!
Glinda: Keep tight inside of them. Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly.
Wicked Witch: [to Glinda, pointing] You stay out of this Glinda, or I'll fix you as well!
Glinda: [laughs] Oh, rubbish! You have no power here. Now begone, before somebody drops a house on you too!
Wicked Witch: [looks up at the sky, afraid] Very well. I'll bide my time. [to Dorothy] And as for you, my fine young lady, it's true, I can't attend to you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way. Just try! I'll get you, my pretty - and your little dog, too! Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!

Dorothy: I don't like this forest. It's dark and creepy!
Scarecrow: Of course I don't know, but I think it'll get darker before it gets lighter.
Dorothy: Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?
Tin Man: We might.
Scarecrow: [nervous] Animals... that eat... straw?
Tin Man: Well, some, but mostly lions and tigers and bears.
Dorothy: Lions?
Scarecrow: And tigers?
Tin Man: And bears.
Dorothy: Lions and tigers and bears, oh my.

Miss Gulch: That dog's a menace to the community. I'm taking him to the sheriff to make sure he's destroyed.
Dorothy: Destroyed? Toto? Oh, you can't! You mustn't! Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, you won't let her, will ya?
Uncle Henry: Course we won't. Will we, Em?
Dorothy: Please, Aunt Em. Toto didn't mean to. He didn't know he was doing anything wrong. I'm the one that ought to be punished. I let him go in her garden. You can send me to bed without supper.
Miss Gulch: If you don't hand over that dog, I'll bring a damage suit that will take your whole farm! There's a law protectin' folks against dogs that bite!
Auntie Em: How would it be if she keeps him tied up? He's really gentle, with gentle people, that is.
Miss Gulch: Well, that's for the sheriff to decide. Here's his order, allowing me to take him, unless you want to go against the law.
Auntie Em: We can't go against the law, Dorothy. I'm afraid poor Toto will have to go.
Miss Gulch: [holding up a basket] Now you're seeing the reason. Here's what I'm taking him in, so he can't attack me again!
Dorothy: No, no, I won't let you take him! You go away, you, or I'll bite you myself!
Auntie Em: Dorothy!
Dorothy: You wicked old witch! Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, don't let her take him! [struggles with Miss Gulch]
Miss Gulch: I've got an order!
Auntie Em: Put him in the basket, Henry.
Dorothy: Oh Toto. [runs out, crying]
Miss Gulch: The idea!
Auntie Em: Almira Gulch, just because you own half the county doesn't mean you have the power to run the rest of us. For twenty-three years, I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you. And now, well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!

Glinda: Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
Dorothy: Who, me? Why, I'm not a witch at all. I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas.
Glinda: Oh, well, is that a witch [gesturing toward Toto]?
Dorothy: Toto? Toto's my dog.
Glinda: Well, I'm a little muddled. The Munchkins called me because a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. And there's the house, and here you are, and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East. And so, what the Munchkins want to know is, are you a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?
Dorothy: Oh, but I've already told you, I'm not a witch at all! Witches are old and ugly. [The Munchkins giggle from concealment] What was that?
Glinda: The Munchkins. They're laughing because I am a witch. I'm Glinda, the Witch of the North.
Dorothy: You are?! Oh, I beg your pardon! But I've never heard of a beautiful witch before.
Glinda: Only bad witches are ugly. The Munchkins are happy because you have freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East.
Dorothy: Oh, but if you please, what are Munchkins?
Glinda: The little people who live in this land. It's Munchkinland. And you are their national heroine, my dear.

The Wizard: Come forward!
Cowardly Lion: Tell me when it's over... I wanna go home!
The Wizard: I am Oz, the Great and Powerful! Who are you? WHO - ARE - YOU?!
Dorothy: If you please — I am Dorothy... the small and meek. We've come to ask...
The Wizard: SILENCE!
Dorothy: [cries out and runs back to the others] Oh! Jiminy Crickets!
The Wizard: The Great and Powerful Oz knows why you have come. Step forward, Tin Man! [He obeys.] You dare to come to me for a heart, do you, you clinking, clanking, clattering collection of colligenous junk?!
Tin Man: Uh, yes-yes sir. Y-y-yes, Your Honor. Y'see, uh, a while back, we were walking down the Yellow Brick Road, and -
The Wizard: QUIET!
Tin Man: Whoa! [retreats]
The Wizard: And you, Scarecrow, have the effrontery to ask for a brain, you billowing bale of bovine fodder?!
Scarecrow: [He bows and approaches on his knees] Yes, Your Honor-- I mean Your Excellency-- I mean Your Wizardry!
The Wizard: Enough! [Scarecrow retreats] And you, Lion... [Lion steps forward but is too frightened to speak] WELL?! [Lion faints, and the others rush to his side. Scarecrow fans him with his hand in an attempt to revive him.]
Dorothy: You should be ashamed of yourself! Frightening him like that, when he came to you for help!
The Wizard: Silence, whippersnapper! The Beneficent Oz has every intention of granting your requests. [Lion instantly regains consciousness and sits up.]
Cowardly Lion: What's that? Huh? What did he say?
The Wizard: But first you must prove yourselves worthy by performing a very small task. Bring me the broomstick of the Witch of the West.
Tin Man: But, but, but, if we do that, we'll have to kill her to get it.
The Wizard: Bring me her broomstick and I'll grant your requests. Now go.
Cowardly Lion: W-w-what if she kills us first?
The Wizard: I SAID GO!!!

Dorothy: If you were king, you wouldn't be afraid of anything?
Cowardly Lion: Not nobody! Not no how!
Dorothy: Not even a rhinoceros?
Cowardly Lion: Imp-oceros!
Tin Man: How about a hippopotamus?
Cowardly Lion: Why, I'd thrash him from top to bottom-us!
Dorothy: Supposing you met an elephant?
Cowardly Lion: I'd knot him up in cellophant!
Scarecrow: What if it were a Brontosaurus?
Cowardly Lion: I'd show him who's King of the Forest!
Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man: [in unison] How?
Cowardly Lion: How? Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on a mast to wave? Courage! What makes an elephant charge his tusk, in the misty mist or the dusky dusk? What makes a muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the Seventh Wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like THUNDER? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?
Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man: [in unison] Courage.
Cowardly Lion: You can say that again! [short pause; realizing] Hmm?

[Reaching the gate into the Emerald City, Dorothy and her friends ring the bell. A Gateman appears through a porthole.]
Gateman: Who rang that bell?!
All four: We did!
Gateman: Can't you read?!
Scarecrow: Read what?
Gateman: The notice!
All four: What notice?
Gateman: It's on the door, as plain as the nose on my face! It's a [Realizes there is no notice] Oh-- Oh... [Hangs a notice on the door, then disappears]
All Four: [Reading the notice] "Bell out of order. Please knock." [Dorothy knocks on the knocker, and the Gateman reemerges]
Gateman: Well, that's more like it! Now, state your business.
All four: We want to see the Wizard.
Gateman: [Nearly falls out of his porthole from shock] The Wizard?! But nobody can see the Great Oz! Nobody's ever seen the Great Oz! Even I've never seen him!
Dorothy: Well, then — how do you know there is one?
Gateman: Because he, uh... You're wasting my time!
Dorothy: Oh please, please sir. I've got to see the Wizard. The Good Witch of the North sent me.
Gateman: Prove it.
Scarecrow: She's wearing the ruby slippers she gave her.
Gateman: Oh, so she is. Well, bust my buttons! Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different color! Come on in!

Dorothy: But it wasn't a dream. It was a place, and you [Hunk] and you [Hickory] and you [Zeke]... and you [Professor Marvel] were there. [Everyone laughs] But you couldn't have been, could you?
Auntie Em: We dream lots of silly things when we...
Dorothy: No, Aunt Em. This is a real, truly live place. And I remember that some of it wasn't very nice. But most of it was beautiful. But just the same, all I kept saying to everybody was, 'I want to go home.' And they sent me home. [Everyone chuckles again] Doesn't anybody believe me?
Uncle Henry: Of course we believe you, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home! Home! And this is my room - and you're all here! And I'm not gonna leave here ever, ever again because I love you all! - And oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home. There's no place like home.

Dorothy: Why can't we go with you and see all the Crowned Heads of Europe?
Professor Marvel: Do you know any? Oh, you mean the thing. [gesturing to his sign] I never do anything without consulting my crystal first. Let's go inside, and I'll show you..This is the same, genuine magic authentic crystal used by the priests of Isis and Osiris in the days of the Pharaohs of Egypt, in which Cleopatra first saw the approach of Julius Caesar and Marc Antony. And so on and so on. Now, you, uh, you'd better close your eyes for a moment, my child, so I can be in better tune with the infinite. [looks through her basket] We can't do these things without reaching out into the infinite. That's all right now, you can open them. We'll look into the crystal. What's this I see? A house with a picket fence and a barn with a weather vane of a...of a... running horse.
Dorothy: That's our farm.
Professor Marvel: I see a woman. She's wearing a polka-dot dress. Her face is careworn.
Dorothy: That's Auntie Em.
Professor Marvel: Her name is Emily.
Dorothy: That's right. What's she doing?
Professor Marvel: Well I, uh, I can't quite see. Why, she's crying. Someone has hurt her. Someone has just about broken her heart.
Dorothy: Me?
Professor Marvel: Well, it's uh, someone she loves very much. Someone she's been very kind to. Someone she's taken care of in sickness.
Dorothy: I had the measles once and she stayed right by me every minute. What's she doing now?
Professor Marvel: Well, she's, uh...What's this? Well, she's, she's putting her hand on her heart. Oh, she's, she's dropping down on the bed.
Dorothy: Oh, no, no, no.
Professor Marvel: Uh, that's it, the crystal's gone dark.
Dorothy: You don't suppose she could really be sick, do you? Oh, I've got to go home right away.

ARRRRRGH! — YOU CURSED BRAT! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! I'm MELTING! Melting! Oh — what a world, what a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?! ARRRRRGH! I'm gone! I'm gone! I'm going!... [is fully melted]