Multiple Characters quotes

Mrs. Herman: Mommy's going to the beauty parlor, darling, but I'm leaving you with your favorite friend, Roger. He's going to take very, very good care of you, because if he doesn't, he's going back to the science lab!

Tram Conductor: What do I look like, a bank?

Smart Ass: Search the place, boys, and leave no stone "interned".

Smart Ass: Stop that laughing. You know what happens when you can't stop laughing? One of these days, you're gonna "die" laughing.

Marvin Acme: "If it's Acme, it's a gasser". Put it there, pal. [shakes hands with Eddie, who feels a shock] The hand buzzer. Still our biggest seller.

Lt. Santino: Just like a toon to drop a safe on a guy's head.

Benny the Cab: Sister Mary Frances. What the hell happened in here? I've been a cab for thirty-seven years, and I've never seen a mess like this.

Benny the Cab: And how about those Brooklyn Dodgers? Are they bums or what?

Betty Boop: Work's been kinda slow since cartoons went to color. But I've still got it, Eddie. Boop boop be doop, boop!

Yosemite Sam: [with his rear end on fire, lands near Eddie] Yeow! Ow! My biscuits are burnin'! Fire in the hatch! Great horny toads, that smarts! [Sits in a puddle and extinguishes the fire]

Birds: Hi, Eddie. Hi, Eddie. Hi, Eddie. Bye, Eddie!

Droopy the Dog: [as an elevator operator] Going up, sir. [[Eddie steps in and instantly falls in] Watch your step, sir. [Eddie picks himself up] Hold on, sir. [Eddie falls to the floor of the elevator because it is going so fast; when the elevator stops, he shoots straight to the top of the elevator.] Your floor, sir. [Eddie gets out and Droopy stretches his neck out so that he and Eddie are face to face] Have a good day, sir. [Droopy's neck retracts just narrowly missing the doors closing around his neck]

Porky Pig: [Last lines] Alright, m-m-move it along. There's, ah, nothing to see. That's all, folks. [Scratches head] Hmm... [Turns to camera] I like the sound of that! [Traditional Warner Bros cartoon closing follows:] Th-Th-Th-that's all, folks!

Raoul J. Raoul: Cut!
Cameraman: All right. That's it, Jack!
Raoul J. Raoul: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
Baby Herman: What the hell was wrong with that take?!
Raoul J. Raoul: Nothing with you, Baby Herman. You were great. You were perfect. You were better than perfect! It's just Roger, he keeps blowing his lines! Roger, what is this?
Roger Rabbit: A tweeting bird?
Raoul J. Raoul: "A tweeting bird?!" Roger, read this script! Look what it says. It says, "Rabbit gets clunked, rabbit sees stars." Not birds, stars! Can we lose the playback, please! You're killing me, killing me!
Baby Herman: For crying out loud, Roger! How the hell many times we have to do this damn scene?! Raoul! I'll be in my trailer, takin' a nap! [Walks between a woman's legs]
Woman: Wooo!
Baby Herman: 'Scuse me, toots.
Raoul J. Raoul: My stomach can't take this. This is a mess, clean this set up! Get him out of there, or seal him up in it. Lose the lights! Say Lunch! That's lunch we're on a half!
Roger Rabbit: P-p-please, Raoul. I can give you stars. Just drop the refrigerator on my head one more time.
Raoul J. Raoul: Roger, I've dropped it on your head 23 times already.
Roger Rabbit: I can take it, don't worry about me.
Raoul J. Raoul: I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about the refrigerator.

[Eddie gets $50 for a $100 job]
Eddie Valiant: Where's the other fifty?
R.K. Maroon: Let's call the other fifty a "carrot" to finish the job.
Eddie Valiant: You've been hanging around rabbits too long.

R.K. Maroon: How much do you know about show business, Mr. Valiant?
Eddie Valiant: Only that there is no business like it, no business I know.
R.K. Maroon: Yeah. And there's no business more expensive. I'm 25 grand over budget on the latest Baby Herman cartoon. You saw the rabbit blowing his lines. He can't keep his mind on his job. You know why?
Eddie Valiant: One too many refrigerators dropped on his head?
R.K. Maroon: Nah, he's a toon. You can drop anything you want on his head, he'll shake it off. But break his heart, goes to pieces just like you and me.

R.K. Maroon: Kinda jumpy, aren't you, Valiant? It's just Dumbo.
Eddie Valiant: I know who it is.
R.K. Maroon: I got him on loan from Disney. Him and half the cast of Fantasia. the best part is, they work for "peanuts".

Eddie Valiant: Forget it. I don't work Toontown.
R.K. Maroon: What's wrong with Toontown? Every Joe loves Toontown.
Eddie Valiant: Then get Joe to do the job, 'cause I ain't going.

Roger Rabbit: No! Not my Jessica! Not patty-cake! This is impossible! I don't believe it! It can't be! It just can't be! Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the love of my life. The apple of my eye. The cream in my coffee.
Eddie Valiant: Well you better start drinking it black, Acme's taking the cream now.

Eddie Valiant: A ladies' man, eh?
Baby Herman: The problem is I got a fifty year old lust and a three year old dinky. Look, Valiant, the rabbit didn't kill Acme. He's not a murderer, I should know, he's a dear friend of mine. I tell ya Valiant, the whole thing stinks like yesterday's diapers. Look at this. The papers said Acme left no will. That's a load of succotash. Any toon knows Acme had a will. He promised to leave Toontown to us toons. That will is the reason he got bumped off.
Eddie Valiant: Has anyone ever seen this will?
Baby Herman: Ah, no. But he gave us his solemn oath.
Eddie Valiant: If you think that guy could do anything solemn, the gag's on you, pal.
Baby Herman: I just figured since you were the one who got my pal in trouble, you might wanna help get him out. I can pay ya.
Eddie Valiant: Save your money for a pair of elevator shoes!
[Pushes the stroller, knocks a woman over, Baby Herman's cigar falls to the floor]
Baby Herman: My stogie! Whaaaa-a-a-a-a-a! Whaaaa-a-a!

Eddie Valiant: Happy Trails.
Roger Rabbit: No thanks Eddie, I'm trying to cut down.
Eddie Valiant: Drink the drink!
Roger Rabbit: But I don't want the drink!
Judge Doom: He doesn't want the drink!
Eddie Valiant: He does!
Roger Rabbit: I don't!
Eddie Valiant: You do!
Roger Rabbit: I don't!
Eddie Valiant: You do!
Roger Rabbit: I don't!
Eddie Valiant: You do!
Roger Rabbit: I don't!
Eddie Valiant: You don't!
Roger Rabbit: I do!
Eddie Valiant: You don't!
Roger Rabbit: I do!
Eddie Valiant: You don't!
Roger Rabbit: Listen, when I say "I do", that means I do!

[Eddie sneaks up on Maroon]
Eddie Valiant: What's Up, Doc?
R.K. Maroon: Valiant, what are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?
Eddie Valiant: You need a heart, before you can have an attack.
R.K. Maroon: Yeah, yeah. You got the will?
Eddie Valiant: Sure. I got the will. Question is, do you have the way? I can tell you now it ain't gonna come cheap.

Roger Rabbit: Yeah! Check the probate! Why, my Uncle Thumper had a problem with his "probate", and he had to take these big pills, and drink lots of water!
Eddie Valiant: Not prostate, you idiot! Probate!

Eddie Valiant: Anybody know you're here?
Roger Rabbit: Nobody. Not a soul, except, uh--
Eddie Valiant: Who?
Roger Rabbit: Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know. But the liquor store guy; he knew.
Eddie Valiant: In other words, the whole damn town knows you're here! Get out!

Eddie Valiant: What's with him?
Betty Boop: Mr. Acme never misses a night when Jessica performs.
Eddie Valiant: Got a thing for rabbits, huh?

Bongo: [catches Eddie peeping through the dressing room keyhole, watching Jesica and Mr. Acme playing patty-cake] What do you think you're doin', chump?
Eddie: Who are you calling a chump, chimp?
[Eddie gets thrown out]
Bongo: And don't lemme catch your peepin' face around here again! Got it?!
[slams the door]
Eddie: [lifts his arms to scratch his armpits] OOGA BOOGA!

Eddie Valiant: Weren't you the one I caught playing patty-cake with old man Acme?
Jessica Rabbit: You didn't catch me, Mr. Valiant. You were set up to take those pictures.
Eddie Valiant: What are you talking about?
Jessica Rabbit: Maroon wanted to blackmail Acme. I didn't want to have anything to do with it, but he said that if I didn't pose for those patty-cake pictures, Roger would never work in this town again. I couldn't let that happen. I'd do anything for my husband, Mr. Valiant. Anything.
[Presses her chest against Eddie's with a "thump"]
Eddie Valiant: What a wife.

Jessica Rabbit: You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.
Eddie Valiant: You don't know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.
Jessica Rabbit: I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.

Eddie Valiant: Seriously, what do you see in that guy?
Jessica Rabbit: He makes me laugh.

Daffy Duck: I've worked with a lot of withe-quackers-s, but you are des-s-picable!
Donald Duck: Doggone stupid little... that did it! Wha-a-a-a-gh!
Daffy Duck: This-s is-s the las-s-t time I work with s-someone with a s-speech impediment!
Donald Duck: Oh, yeah?!
[Donald Duck shuts Daffy in a piano]
Daffy Duck: This-s means-s war...

Jessica Rabbit: Well, we're not going anywhere in my car. Let's take yours.
Eddie Valiant: I have a feeling someone already did.
Jessica Rabbit: From the looks of it I'd say it was Roger. My honey bunny was never very good behind the wheel.
Eddie Valiant: Better lover than a driver, huh?
Jessica Rabbit: You'd better believe it, buster.

[After a weasel is caught in a bear trap from Jessica's cleavage]
Eddie Valiant: Nice "booby" trap.

[Marvin Acme squirts ink from his pen on Eddie's shirt and laughs]
Eddie Valiant: You think that's funny?
Marvin Acme: It's a panic!
Eddie Valiant: [grabs Acme by the lapels] You won't think it's so funny when I stick that pen up your nose!
Marvin Acme: Calm down son, will ya. Look the stain's gone, it's disappearing ink.
[the stain fades away]
Marvin Acme: No hard feelings, I hope. Listen, I'm--
Eddie Valiant: I know who you are. Marvin Acme, The guy who owns Toontown; the Gag King.

Bongo: Got the Password?
Eddie Valiant: Walt sent me.
[the door opens]
Eddie Valiant: Nice monkey suit.
Bongo: Wise ass!

Eddie Valiant: You crazy rabbit! I'm out there risking my neck for you, and what are you doing? Singing and dancing!
Roger Rabbit: But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh.
Eddie Valiant: Sit down!
Roger Rabbit: You don't understand. Those people needed to laugh.
Eddie Valiant: Then when they're done laughing, they'll call the cops. That guy Angelo would rat on you for a nickel.
Roger Rabbit: Not Angelo. He'd never turn me in.
Eddie Valiant: Why? Because you made him laugh?
Roger Rabbit: That's right! A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have.

Dolores: Tomorrow's Friday, Eddie. You know what happens here on Friday?
Eddie Valiant: Fish special?
Dolores: You know my boss check the books on Friday. If I don't have that money I gave you back in the till, I'm going to lose my job.
Eddie Valiant: Don't bust a button, Dolores. You only have one left.

Angelo: So who's your client, Mr. Detective-to-the-Stars? Chilly Willy? Or Screwy Squirrel?
Dolores: What'll it be?
Angelo: I'll have a beer, doll. So what happened, huh? Somebody kidnapped Dinky Doodle?
Dolores: Cut it out, Angelo.
Angelo: No, wait a minute, wait a minute, I've got it. You're working for Little Bo Peep. She's lost her sheep, and you're gonna help her find them, huh?
[Angelo laughs. Eddie kicks Angelo's seat out from under him and grabs him by the neck]
Eddie Valiant: Get this straight, meatball! I don't work for toons!
[Eddie stuffs a hard-boiled egg in Angelo's mouth and storms off]
Angelo: [spits out the egg] So what's his problem?
Dolores: A toon killed his brother.
Angelo: What?
Dolores: Dropped a piano on his head.

Angelo: Hey, I seen a rabbit.
Judge Doom: Where?
[Roger gasps]
Eddie Valiant: Ya see?
Judge Doom: Where?!
Angelo: He's right here in the bar.
[put his arm around an imaginary friend]
Angelo: Say hello, Harvey.
[the whole bar erupts in laughter]
Roger Rabbit: I told you so.

Smart Ass: Say, Judge. You want we should "disresemble" the place?
Judge Doom: No, Sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit is going to come right to me.
[Doom taps "Shave and a Haircut" on counter]
Judge Doom: No toon can resist the old Shave-and-a-Haircut trick.
...
Judge Doom: Shave, and a haircut...
[Roger crashes through the wall]
Roger Rabbit: Two bits!

R.K. Maroon: What are you going to do to me, Valiant?
Eddie Valiant: I'm going to listen to you spin the Cloverleaf scenario; the story of greed, sex and murder. And the parts that I don't like, I'm going to edit out.
R.K. Maroon: You got it all wrong, I'm a cartoon maker, not a murderer!
Eddie Valiant: Everybody's gotta have a hobby.

Judge Doom: You wouldn't have any idea where the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant?
Eddie Valiant: Have you tried Walla Walla? Cucamonga? I hear Kokomo's very nice this time of the year.
Judge Doom: I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, Mr. Valiant. A human has been murdered by a toon. Don't you appreciate the magnitude of that?

Eddie Valiant: What's that?
Lt. Santino: Remember how they always thought there wasn't a way to kill a toon? Well, Doom found a way. Turpentine, acetone, benzene. He calls it "The Dip."
Judge Doom: I'll catch the rabbit, Mr. Valiant. And I'll try him, convict him, and execute him.
[dunks shoe in Dip, dissolving it completely]
Eddie Valiant: Geez!
Greasy: [laughs] That's one dead shoe, eh, boss?
Judge Doom: They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant. This is how we handle things down in Toontown.

[Eddie is about to pick up the hand buzzer that fell off of Acme's corpse when Judge Doom stops him with his cane]
Judge Doom: Is this man removing evidence from the scene of the crime?
Lt. Santino: Ah, no, Judge Doom. Valiant here was just picking it up for you. Weren't you, Eddie?
Judge Doom: Hand it over.
Eddie Valiant: Sure thing.
[zaps Doom with buzzer]
Eddie Valiant: Their number one seller.
Judge Doom: I see working for a toon has rubbed off on you.
Eddie Valiant: I wasn't working for a toon. I was working for R.K. Maroon.
Judge Doom: Yes, we talked to Mr. Maroon. He said the rabbit became quite agitated when you showed him the pictures. The rabbit swore one way or another he and his wife were going to be happy. Is that true?
Eddie Valiant: Hey, pal. Do I look like a stenographer?
Lt. Santino: Shut your yap, Eddie. The man's a judge.
Judge Doom: That's all right, Lieutenant. From the smell of him, I'd say it was the booze talking.

Tweety Bird: Oh, look! Piggies. This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had...
[Eddie screams as he falls down]
Tweety Bird: Uh-oh. Ran out of piggies.
[Eddie is falling; Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny, both wearing parachutes, join him]
Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, Doc? Jumping without a parachute? Kinda dangerous, ain't it?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. You could get killed. Heh, heh.
Eddie Valiant: You guys got a spare?
Mickey Mouse: Uh, Bugs does.
Eddie Valiant: Yeah?
Bugs Bunny: Yeah, but I don't think you want it.
Eddie Valiant: I do, I do, give it to me.
Mickey Mouse: Gee, better let him have it, Bugs.
Bugs Bunny: Okay, Doc. Whatever you say. Here's the spare.
Eddie Valiant: Thank you.
[Mickey and Bugs deploy parachutes; Eddie pulls ripcord on parachute, car tire comes out]
Eddie Valiant: OH NO!! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
Mickey Mouse: Aw, poor fella.
Bugs Bunny: Yeah, ain't I a stinker?

Roger Rabbit: What could have possibly happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?
Eddie Valiant: You really want to know? I'll tell you. A toon killed my brother.
Roger Rabbit: A toon? No-o!
Eddie Valiant: Yes, a toon. We were investigating a robbery at the First National Bank of Toontown. Back in those days, me and Teddy liked working Toontown, thought it was a lot of laughs. Anyway, this guy got away with a zillion simoleons. We trailed him to a little dive down on Yukster Street. We went in. Only he got the drop on us, literally. Dropped a piano on us from fifteen stories. Broke my arm, Teddy never made it. I never did find out who that guy was. All I remember was him standing over me laughing, with those burning red eyes, and that high, squeaky voice. He disappeared into Toontown after that.
Roger Rabbit: [sobbing] No wonder you hate me! If a toon killed my brother, I'd hate me too!

Jessica Rabbit: Oh, no. Where's Roger?
Eddie Valiant: Roger? He chickened out on me back at the studio.
Jessica Rabbit: No, he didn't. I hit him in the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk, so he wouldn't get hurt.
Eddie Valiant: Makes perfect sense.

(Roger finds Benny locked in the back of the Toon Patrol paddy wagon)
Benny the Cab: Hey, you weasels! Let me outta here, will ya? Come on! I gotta make a living!
Roger Rabbit: Eddie! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!

Smart Ass: Don't make us play rough, Valiant. We just want the rabbit.
Roger Rabbit: What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do?
Eddie Valiant: What's all this "we" stuff? They just want the rabbit.

Eddie Valiant: Do you mean to tell me you could have taken your hand out of that cuff at any time?!
Roger Rabbit: Not at any time. Only when it was funny.

Judge Doom: Can you guess what this is?
Jessica Rabbit: Oh my God, it's DIP!!!
Judge Doom: That's right, my dear! Enough to dip Toontown off the face of the earth! A vehicle of my own design. Five thousand gallons of heated dip, pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon. Toontown will be erased in a matter of minutes.

Judge Doom: Several months ago I had the good providence to stumble upon this plan of the city council's. A construction plan of epic proportions. They're calling it a freeway.
Eddie Valiant: Freeway? What the hell's a freeway?
Judge Doom: Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena. Smooth, safe, fast. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.
Eddie Valiant: So that's why you killed Acme and Maroon? For this freeway? I don't get it.
Judge Doom: Of course not. You lack vision. I see a place where people get on and off the freeway. On and off, off and on all day, all night. Soon, where Toontown once stood will be a string of gas stations, inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food. Tire salons, automobile dealerships and wonderful, wonderful billboards reaching as far as the eye can see. My God, it'll be beautiful.
Eddie Valiant: Come on! Nobody's going to drive this lousy freeway when they can take the Red Car for a nickel.
Judge Doom: Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to. You see, I bought the Red Car so I could dismantle it.

Roger Rabbit: Okay, nobody move! All right, weasel, grab some sky or I'll let the judge have it! You heard me, I said drop it!
Jessica Rabbit: Roger, darling!
Roger Rabbit: That's right, my dear. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage!
Judge Doom: Put that gun down, you buck-toothed fool!
Roger Rabbit: That's it, Doom. Give me another excuse to pop you full of lead. So you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Ha! We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a "ton of bricks"!
[a ton of bricks falls on Roger]
Jessica Rabbit: Roger! Roger, say something!
Roger Rabbit: Look, stars! Ready when you are, Raoul.
Judge Doom: Tie the lovebirds together.

(calliope begins playing "The Merry Go Round Broke Down")
Eddie: Now Roger is his name/And laughter is his game/Come on you dope, untie his rope/And watch him go insane.
(does slapstick pratfalls to make the weasels laugh)
Jessica Rabbit: He's lost his mind.
Roger Rabbit: I don't think so.
Eddie: This singing's not my line/It's tough to make a rhyme/If I get stuck, I'm out of luck--
Jessica: I'm running out of time!
Eddie: Thanks!
(more pratfalls; weasels start dying of laughter)
Roger Rabbit: Hey, Eddie, keep it up! You're killing 'em! You're slaying 'em! You're knocking 'em dead!
Eddie: I'm through with taking falls/And bouncing off the walls/Without that gun I'd have some fun/I'd kick you in the-- *gets hit in head with vase*
Roger: Nose!
Smart Ass: Nose? That don't rhyme with walls!
Eddie: No, but this does!
(kicks Smart Ass in the groin, sending him flying, screaming, into the Dip Mixer, which then dissolves him)

Eddie Valiant: Holy smoke, he's a Toon!
Judge Doom: Surprised?
Eddie Valiant: Not really. That lame-brain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a Toon.
Judge Doom: Not just any Toon...
(Judge Doom reinflates himself. His hat is blown away and his fake eyes fall to the floor, revealing his true, red eyes)
Judge Doom: Remember me, Eddie? (high, squeaky voice) When I killed your brother, I talked JUST... LIKE... THIS!!!!!

[When all is over]
Jessica Rabbit: Oh, Roger, you were magnificent.
Roger Rabbit: Was I, really?
Jessica Rabbit: Better than Goofy.

[the Toons gather around Judge Doom's remains]
Mickey Mouse: Gosh! I wonder what he really was?
Bugs Bunny: I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit.
Daffy Duck: Or a duck.
Goofy: Or a dog.
Pinocchio: Or a little wooden boy.
Big Bad Wolf:[Comes out of sheep's clothing] Or a sheep.
Woody Woodpecker: Or a woodpecker.
Sylvester: Or a pussy cat.

Lt. Santino: Judge Doom killed Marvin Acme.
Eddie Valiant: And R. K. Maroon and my brother.
Lt. Santino: That's what I call one seriously disturbed toon.

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