When Harry Met Sally quotes

View Quote Harry: It was the most uncomfortable night of my life.
Sally: Oh...The first day back is always the toughest Harry.
Harry: We only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?
Sally: How much worse can it get than finishing dinner having him reaching over pull a hair out of my head and starts flossing with it at the table?
Harry: We're talking dream dates compared to my horror. It started out fine, she's a very nice person, and we're sitting and we're talking at this Ethiopian restaurant that she wanted to go to. And I was making jokes, you know like, "Hey I didn't know that they had food in Ethiopia? This will be a quick meal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave."
[Sally laughs]
Harry: Yeah, nothing from her not even a smile. So I down shift into small talk, and I asked her where she went to school and she said. "Michigan State", and this reminds me of Helen. All of a sudden I'm in the middle of this mess of an anxiety attack, my heart is beating like a wild man and I start sweating like a pig.
Sally: Helen went to Michigan State?
Harry: No she went to Northwestern, but they're both Big-Ten schools. I got so upset I had to leave the restaurant.
Sally: Harry I think this takes a long time. It might be months before we're actually able to enjoy going out with someone new.
Harry: Yah...
Sally: And maybe longer, before we're actually able to go to bed with someone new.
Harry: Oh I went to bed with her.
Sally: You went to bed with her?
Harry: Sure.
Sally: Oh.

View Quote Harry: [about Auld Lang Syne] What does this song mean? My whole life, I don't know what this song means. I mean, 'Should old acquaintance be forgot'? Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances, or does it mean if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot?
Sally: Well, maybe it just means that we should remember that we forgot them or something. Anyway, it's about old friends.

View Quote Waitress: What can I get you?
Harry: I'll have the Number Three.
Sally: I'd like the chef salad, please, with the oil and vinegar on the side. And the apple pie a la mode....But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top. I want it on the side. And I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real. If it's out of a can, then nothing.
Waitress: Not even the pie?
Sally: No, just the pie. But then not heated.
Waitress: Uh-huh.

View Quote Harry: Please, to repeat after me. Pepper.
Sally: Pepper.
Harry: Pepper.
Sally: Pepper.
Harry: Pepper.
Sally: Pepper.
Harry: Pepper.
Sally: Pepper.
Harry: Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.
Sally: Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.
Harry: But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie.

View Quote Harry: So how come you broke up with Sheldon?
Sally: How do you know we broke up?
Harry: Because if you didn't break up, you wouldn't be with me, you'd be off with Sheldon the Wonder Schlong.
Sally: First of all, I am not with you. And second of all, it is none of your business why we broke up.
Harry: You're right, you're right. I don't want to know.
Sally: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous and I had these Days of the Week underpants.
Harry: [He makes a loud buzzer sound] I'm sorry. I need a judge's ruling on this. Days of the Week underpants?
Sally: Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny - and then one day, Sheldon says to me, 'You never wear Sunday.' He's all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me.
Harry: What?
Sally: They don't make Sunday.
Harry: Why not?
Sally: Because of God.

View Quote Harry: Obviously, you haven't had great sex yet...
Sally: It just so happens that I have had plenty of good sex... [diner customers all stare at Sally]
Harry: With whom did you have this great sex?
Sally: I'm not going to tell you that!
Harry: Fine. Don't tell me.
Sally: Shel Gordon.
Harry: Shel. Sheldon? No, no. You did not have great sex with Sheldon.
Sally: I did too.
Harry: No, you didn't. A Sheldon can do your income taxes. If you need a root canal, Sheldon's your man, but humpin' and pumpin' is not Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name. 'Do it to me, Sheldon.' 'You're an animal, Sheldon.' 'Ride me, big Sheldon.' It doesn't work.

View Quote Sally: She works in his office. She's a paralegal. Her name is Kimberly. He just met her... She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the one. All this time I've been saying that he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.
Harry: If you could take him back right now, would you?
Sally: No. But why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?
Harry: Nothing.
Sally: I'm difficult.
Harry: You're challenging.
Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.
Harry: But in a good way.
Sally: No, no, no, I drove him away. And I'm gonna be forty.
Harry: When?
Sally: Someday.
Harry: In eight years.
Sally: But it's there. It's just sitting there, like this big dead end. And it's not the same for men. Charlie Chaplin had babies when he was 73.
Harry: Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up.

View Quote Harry: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.
Sally: What?
Harry: I love you.
Sally: How do you expect me to respond to this?
Harry: How about, you love me too.
Sally: How about, I'm leaving.
Harry: Doesn't what I said mean anything to you?
Sally: I'm sorry, Harry. I know it's New Year's Eve. I know you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me, and expect that to make everything all right. It doesn't work this way.
Harry: Well, how does it work?
Sally: I don't know, but not this way.
Harry: How about this way? I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Sally: You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you, and I hate you, Harry. I really hate you. I hate you.
[They kiss]

View Quote Marie: "Restaurants are to people in the 80s what theater was to people in the 60s." I read that in a magazine.
Jess: I wrote that.
Marie: Get out of here.
Jess: No, I did. I wrote that.
Marie: I've never quoted anything from a magazine in my life! That's amazing. Don't you think it's amazing? And you wrote it?
Jess: I also wrote "Pesto is the quiche of the 80s."
Marie: Get over yourself.
Jess: I did!
Marie: Where did I read that?
Jess: New York magazine.
Harry: Sally writes for New York magazine.
Marie: You know that piece had a real impact on me, I mean I, I don't know that much about writing but...
Jess: Well, well, it spoke to you, and that pleases me.
Marie: I.. I mean I really.. have.. you have to admire people who can be as... that articulate.
[Harry and Sally share a look]
Jess: Nobody has ever quoted me back to me before.

View Quote Harry: Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that's wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.
Marie: Harry.
Harry: Please, Jess, Marie. Do me a favor, for your own good, put your name in your books right now before they get mixed up and you won't know whose is whose. Because someday, believe it or not, you'll go 15 rounds over who's gonna get this coffee table. This stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale coffee table.
Jess: I thought you liked it?
Harry: I was being nice!

View Quote Sally: When Joe and I started seeing each other, we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together, but we didn't want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship. They practically never had sex again. It's true, it's one of the secrets that no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids — and, actually, my one girlfriend who has kids, Alice — and she would complain about how she and Gary never did it anymore. She didn't even complain about it, now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-factly. She said they were up all night, they were both exhausted all the time, the kids just took every sexual impulse they had out of them. And Joe and I used to talk about it, and we'd say we were so lucky we have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in. We can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice. And then one day I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon because I'd promised to take her to the circus, and we were in the cab playing "I Spy" — I spy a mailbox, I spy a lamp-post — and she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman with these two little kids. And the man had one of the little kids on his shoulders, and she said, "I spy a family." And I started to cry. You know, I just started crying. And I went home, and I said, "The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moment's notice."
Harry: And the kitchen floor?
Sally: [sadly] Not once. It's this very cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.

View Quote Harry: Why can't we get past this? I mean, are we gonna carry this thing around forever?
Sally: Forever? It just happened.
Harry: It happened three weeks ago. You know how a year to a person is like seven years to a dog?
Sally: Yes.
Sally: Is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario?
Harry: Yes.
Sally: Who is the dog?
Harry: You are.
Sally: I am? I am the dog? I am the dog?
Harry: Um-hmm.
Sally: I am the dog. I-I don't see that Harry. If anybody is the dog, you are the dog. You want to act like what happened didn't mean anything.
Harry: I'm not saying it didn't mean anything. I am saying why does it have to mean everything?
Sally: Because it does, and you should know that better than anybody because the minute that it happens, you walk right out the door.
Harry: I didn't walk out.
Sally: No, sprinted is more like it.
Harry: We both agreed it was a mistake.
Sally: The worst mistake I've ever made.
Harry: What do you want from me?
Sally: I don't want anything from you!
Harry: Fine. Fine, but let's just get one thing straight. I did not go over there that night to make love to you, that is not why I went there. But you looked up at me with these big weepy eyes, don't go home night Harry, hold me a little longer Harry. What was I supposed to do?
Sally: What are you saying, you took pity on me?
Harry: No, I was...
Sally: **** you! [she slaps Harry]

View Quote Jess: If she's so great why aren't you taking her out?
Harry: How many times do I have to tell you, we're just friends.
Jess: So you're saying she's not that attractive.
Harry: No, I told you she is attractive.
Jess: Yeah but you also said she has a good personality.
Harry: She has a good personality.
[Jess stops walking, turns to Harry, raises his arms in the air]
Harry: What?
Jess: When someone's not that attractive, they're always described as having a good personality.
Harry: Look, if you had asked me what does she look like and I said, she has a good personality, that means she's not attractive. But just because I happen to mention that she has a good personality, she could be either. She could be attractive with a good personality, or not attractive with a good personality.
Jess: So which one is she?
Harry: Attractive.
Jess: But not beautiful, right?

View Quote [on Sally's answering machine] If you're there please pick up the phone, I really want to talk to you. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) Not at home, (b) Home, but don't want to talk to me, or (c) Home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back.

View Quote Harry: What? Can't a man say a woman is attractive without it being a come-on? All right, all right. Let's just say, just for the sake of argument, that it was a come-on. What do you want me to do about it? I take it back, OK? I take it back.
Sally: You can't take it back.
Harry: Why not?
Sally: Because it's already out there.
Harry: Oh jeez. What are we supposed to do? Call the cops? It's already out there!
Sally: Just let it lie, OK?
Harry: Great! Let it lie. That's my policy. That's what I always say. Let it lie. Want to spend the night in a motel? You see what I did? I didn't let it lie.
Sally: Harry -
Harry: I said I would and I didn't...I went the other way...What?
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing.