When Harry Met Sally

When Harry Met Sally quotes

63 total quotes (ID: 627)

Harry Burns
Jess
Marie
Multiple Characters
Sally Albright


Sally: [on the phone] What do you want Harry?
Harry: Nothing, nothing. I... just called to say I'm sorry.
Sally: OK.
[long pause]
Sally: I gotta go.
Harry: Wait a second, wait a, wait a second. What are you doing for New Year's? Are you going to the Tyler's party? 'Cos I don't have a date, and if you don't have a date, we always said that if neither one of us had a date, we could be together for New Years. And we... could... you know.... why don't...
Sally: I can't do this anymore, I am not your consolation prize. Goodbye.


Sally: So what do you do with these women, you just get up out of bed and leave?
Harry: Sure.
Sally: Well explain to me how you do it. What do you say?
Harry: You'd say you have an early meeting, early haircut or a squash game.
Sally: You don't play squash.
Harry: They don't know that they just met me.
Sally: That's disgusting.
Harry: I know, I feel terrible.
Sally: You know I'm so glad I never got involved with you. I just would've ended up being some woman you had to get up out of bed and leave at three o'clock in the morning and clean your andirons, and you don't even have a fireplace. Not that I would know this.
Harry: Why are you getting so upset? This is not about you.
Sally: Yes it is. You are a human affront to all women and I am a woman.
Harry: Hey I don't feel great about this but I don't hear anyone complaining.
Sally: Of course not, you're out of the door too fast.

Waitress: What can I get you?
Harry: I'll have the Number Three.
Sally: I'd like the chef salad, please, with the oil and vinegar on the side. And the apple pie a la mode....But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top. I want it on the side. And I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real. If it's out of a can, then nothing.
Waitress: Not even the pie?
Sally: No, just the pie. But then not heated.
Waitress: Uh-huh.

Harry: Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that's wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.
Marie: Harry.
Harry: Please, Jess, Marie. Do me a favor, for your own good, put your name in your books right now before they get mixed up and you won't know whose is whose. Because someday, believe it or not, you'll go 15 rounds over who's gonna get this coffee table. This stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale coffee table.
Jess: I thought you liked it?
Harry: I was being nice!

Harry: You know the first time I met I really didn't like you that much.
Sally: I didn't like you.
Harry: Yeah you did, you were just so uptight then. You're much softer now.
Sally: You know I hate that kind of remark. It sounds like a complement but really it's an insult.
Harry: OK, you're still as hard as nails.
Sally: I just didn't want to sleep with you and you had to write it off as a character flaw instead of dealing with the possibility that it might have something to do with you.
Harry: What's the statute of limitation on apologies?
Sally: Ten years.
Harry: Ooo, I can just get it in under the wire.
Sally: Would you like to have dinner with me some time?
Harry: Are we becoming friends now?
Sally: Well... [Pause] yeah.
Harry: Great! A woman friend... You know you may be the first attractive woman I have not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.
Sally: That's wonderful Harry.

Harry: So how come you broke up with Sheldon?
Sally: How do you know we broke up?
Harry: Because if you didn't break up, you wouldn't be with me, you'd be off with Sheldon the Wonder Schlong.
Sally: First of all, I am not with you. And second of all, it is none of your business why we broke up.
Harry: You're right, you're right. I don't want to know.
Sally: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous and I had these Days of the Week underpants.
Harry: [He makes a loud buzzer sound] I'm sorry. I need a judge's ruling on this. Days of the Week underpants?
Sally: Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny - and then one day, Sheldon says to me, 'You never wear Sunday.' He's all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me.
Harry: What?
Sally: They don't make Sunday.
Harry: Why not?
Sally: Because of God.

Man: A man came to me and said, 'I found nice girl for you. She lives in the next village, and she is ready for marriage.' We were not supposed to meet until the wedding. But I wanted to make sure, so I sneak into her village, hid behind a tree, watch her washing the clothes. I think, if I don't like the way she looks, I don't marry her. But she look really nice to me. So I said OK to the man, we get married. We are married for fifty-five years.

Sally: At least I got the apartment.
Harry: That's what everybody says to me too. But really what's so hard about finding an apartment? What you do is, you read the obituary column. Yeah, you find out who died, and go to the building and then you tip the doorman. What they can do to make it easier is to combine the obituaries with the real estate section. Say, then you'd have Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three bedroom apartment with a wood burning fireplace.

Man: We were both born in the same hospital.
Woman: Nineteen twenty one.
Man: Seven days apart.
Woman: In the same hospital.
Man: We both grew up one block away from each other.
Woman: We both lived in tenements.
Man: On the lower east side.
Woman: On Delancey Street.
Man: My family moved to the Bronx when I was ten.
Woman: He lived on Fordham Road.
Man: Hers moved when she was eleven.
Woman: I lived on a hundred and eighty third Street.
Man: For six years she worked on the fifteenth floor as a nurse where I had a practice on the fourteenth floor in the very same building.
Woman: I worked for a very prominent neurologist. We never met.
Man: Never met.
Woman: Can you imagine that?
Man: You know where we met? In an elevator. In the Ambassador Hotel, in Chicago, Illinois.
Woman: I was visiting family. He was on the third floor I was on the twelve.
Man: I rode up nine extra floors just to keep talking to her.
Woman: Nine extra floors.

Sally: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.
Harry: That's what drew her to me.
Sally: Your dark side?
Harry: Sure. Why? Don't you have a dark side? I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dots their "i's" with little hearts.
Sally: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.
Harry: Oh, really? When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.
Sally: That doesn't mean you're deep or anything. I mean, yes, basically I'm a happy person...
Harry: So am I.
Sally: ...and I don't see that there's anything wrong with that.
Harry: Of course not. You're too busy being happy. Do you ever think about death?
Sally: Yes.
Harry: Sure you do. A fleeting thought that drifts in and out of the transom of your mind. I spend hours, I spend days...
Sally: - and you think this makes you a better person?
Harry: Look, when the shit comes down, I'm gonna be prepared and you're not, that's all I'm saying.
Sally: And in the meantime, you're gonna ruin your whole life waiting for it.

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.

[on Sally's answering machine] If you're there please pick up the phone, I really want to talk to you. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) Not at home, (b) Home, but don't want to talk to me, or (c) Home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back.

Harry: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally: And Ingrid Bergman is low maintenance?
Harry: An L.M. Definitely.
Sally: Which one am I?
Harry: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
Sally: I don't see that.
Harry: You don't see that? "Waiter, I'll begin with the house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side, and then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side." 'On the side' is a very big thing for you.
Sally: Well, I just want it the way I want it.
Harry: I know, high maintenance.

Sally: Is Harry bringing anyone to the wedding?
Marie: I don't think so.
Sally: Is he seeing anyone?
Marie: He was seeing this anthropologist, but...
Sally: What does she look like?
Marie: Thin. Pretty. Big tits. Your basic nightmare.

Harry: You were going to be a gymnast.
Sally: A journalist.
Harry: Right, that's what I said. And?
Sally: I am a journalist, I work at The News.
Harry: Great! And you're with Joe. Well that's great, great. You're together, what, three weeks?
Sally: A month, how did you know that?
Harry: You take someone to the airport it's clearly the beginning of a relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.
Sally: Why?
Harry: Because eventually if things move on and you don't take someone to the airport, and I never wanted anyone to say to me, "How come you never take me to the airport anymore?"
Sally: It's amazing, you look like a normal person but actually you are the Angel of Death.