Trading Places quotes

View Quote Louis: My God! The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market!
Ophelia: Unless somebody stops them...
Coleman: ...or beats them to it. [all turn and look at him] Egg-nog?

View Quote Even Bigger Black Guy: It ain't cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving.

View Quote [Billy Ray overhears the Dukes talking in the bathroom]
Randolph Duke: Pay up, Mortimer. I've won the bet.
Mortimer Duke: Here, one dollar.
Randolph Duke: [chuckling] We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer! [laughs] Now, what are we going to do about taking Winthorpe back and returning Valentine to the ghetto?
Mortimer Duke: I don't want Winthorpe back, after what he's done.
Randolph Duke: You mean, keep Valentine on as managing director?
Mortimer Duke: Do you really believe I would have a **** run our family business, Randolph?
[Valentine's eyes widen with outrage]
Randolph Duke: Of course not. Neither would I.

View Quote Billy Ray: [after breaking a vase] Hey, sorry about that.
Randolph Duke: It's perfectly all right William. It was your vase.
Billy Ray: That was a cheap vase, right? That was a fake? Right?
Randolph Duke: I believe we paid $35,000. But if I remember correctly, we valued it for the insurance company at $50,000. You see, Mortimer? William has already made us $15,000.
[Coleman, Mortimer, Randolph, and Billy Ray start laughing]
Billy Ray: You want me to break something else?
Randolph Duke, Mortimer Duke, Coleman: NO!

View Quote [while acting blind and legless] Hey, baby, what's happening? How are ya doing? Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby. I know what you're thinkin'. You seen "Porgy and Bess"? [the woman begins to walk away] We can make it, baby! Me and you!... You BITCH!

View Quote Beeks: Hey. Back off! I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain.

View Quote Coleman: [offering Billy Ray a sip from his flask; they are both in Halloween costumes] Would you like a sip of whiskey?
Billy Ray: I do not drink, it is against my religion!
Coleman: Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation.

View Quote Randolph Duke: [being wheeled out on a stretcher] Where's Beeks? Where in the hell is Beeks?
Billy Ray: [to Louis] Yeah, I forgot about that guy.

View Quote Officer Reynolds: [to Louis] Strip, you little shit, before I tear you a new asshole!

View Quote Billy Ray: What if I can't do this job, Coleman? What if I'm not what they expected?
Coleman: Just be yourself, sir. Whatever happens, they can't take that away from you.

View Quote When I was growing up, if we wanted a Jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub.

View Quote Billy Ray: [watches Louis clean his shotgun] You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barreled shotgun 'cause you pissed at 'em.
Louis: Why not?
Billy Ray: 'Cause it's called assault with a deadly weapon, you get 20 years for that shit.
Louis: Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Billy Ray: Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman: You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit.

View Quote Ophelia: [noticing Louis watch her undress] By the way, food and rent aren't the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch.

View Quote Billy Ray: Merry New Year!
Beeks: That's "happy." In this country we say "Happy New Year."
Billy Ray: Oh, ho, ho, thank you for correcting my English which stinks!

View Quote Mortimer Duke: This an outrage! I demand a full investigation!