Trading Places

Trading Places quotes

37 total quotes (ID: 914)

Billy Ray Valentine
Louis Winthorp III
Others


Randolph Duke: Exactly why do you think the price of pork bellies is going to keep going down, William?
Billy Ray: Okay, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody is waiting for it to hit rock bottom, so they can buy low. Which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are saying, "Hey, we're losing all our damn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain't gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip! And my wife ain't gonna f... my wife ain't gonna make love to me if I got no money!" So they're panicking right now, they're screaming "SELL! SELL!" to get out before the price keeps dropping. They're panicking out there right now, I can feel it.
[on the ticker machine, the price keeps dropping]
Randolph Duke: He's right, Mortimer! My God, look at it!


Pawnbroker: Burnt my fingers, man.
Louis: I beg your pardon?
Pawnbroker: Man, that watch is so hot, it's smokin'.
Louis: Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen?
Pawnbroker: I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
Louis: Fifty bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland, and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is the sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail!
Pawnbroker: You got a receipt?
Louis: Look, it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad.
Pawnbroker: In Philadelphia, it's worth 50 bucks.
Louis Winthorpe III: Just give me the money. [looking in display case] How much for the gun?

Louis: [approaching the New York Commodities Exchange] Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray: Yeah, we got to kill the motherf... - we got to kill 'em!

Billy Ray: [after breaking a vase] Hey, sorry about that.
Randolph Duke: It's perfectly all right William. It was your vase.
Billy Ray: That was a cheap vase, right? That was a fake? Right?
Randolph Duke: I believe we paid $35,000. But if I remember correctly, we valued it for the insurance company at $50,000. You see, Mortimer? William has already made us $15,000.
[Coleman, Mortimer, Randolph, and Billy Ray start laughing]
Billy Ray: You want me to break something else?
Randolph Duke, Mortimer Duke, Coleman: NO!

Billy Ray: [Billy Ray is in jail] I wish my bitches would get here. I ain't got time to be sitting in this cell with you.
Big Black Guy: Where are your bitches, Mr. Big-Time Pimp?
Billy Ray: [to Cellmate #2] Didn't I tell you that the phone in my limousine is busted, and I can't get in contact with my bitches?
Cellmate #2: [to Big Black Guy] Yeah! The phone in the limo was busted. What is ya, ignorant?

Louis: Nenge? Nenge Mboko? It is me, Lionel Joseph!
Billy Ray: Lionel! From the African Education Conference!
Louis: Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.
Billy Ray: I remember the pavilion - we had big fun there!
Both: Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah! Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah!
Billy Ray: Oh, memories!

Big Black Guy: You beatin' 10 cops. How come I don't see no bruises on you?
Billy Ray: 'Cause I'm a karate man, see! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking mother****er! So get outta my face!

Louis: Looking good, Billy Ray!
Billy Ray: Feeling good, Louis!

[Billy Ray overhears the Dukes talking in the bathroom]
Randolph Duke: Pay up, Mortimer. I've won the bet.
Mortimer Duke: Here, one dollar.
Randolph Duke: [chuckling] We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer! [laughs] Now, what are we going to do about taking Winthorpe back and returning Valentine to the ghetto?
Mortimer Duke: I don't want Winthorpe back, after what he's done.
Randolph Duke: You mean, keep Valentine on as managing director?
Mortimer Duke: Do you really believe I would have a **** run our family business, Randolph?
[Valentine's eyes widen with outrage]
Randolph Duke: Of course not. Neither would I.

Louis: [after ruining the Dukes] Happy New Year!
Randolph Duke: [hoarsely] Winthorpe.
Mortimer Duke: [stunned] Valentine.
Billy Ray: Hey! How'd y'all make out today?
Mortimer Duke: How could you do this to us after everything we've done for you?
Billy Ray: Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here. See, Louis bet me that we couldn't both get rich and put y'all in the poor house at the same time. He didn't think we could do it. I won.
Louis: [grinning] I lost... One dollar.
Billy Ray: Thank you, Louis.
Louis: After you.
Billy Ray: Certainly.

Corrupt Cop: [Takes some PCP out of a baggie and tastes it] That's PCP! Phenycyclidine. Angel dust! You ever seen what this stuff does to kids? You're looking at 5 to 10 mandatory... Louis!

Coleman: [offering Billy Ray a sip from his flask; they are both in Halloween costumes] Would you like a sip of whiskey?
Billy Ray: I do not drink, it is against my religion!
Coleman: Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation.

President of Exchange: [Randolph Duke has just collapsed with shock] Mortimer, your brother is not well. We better call an ambulance.
Mortimer Duke: **** him! Now, you listen to me! I want trading reopened right now. Get those brokers back in here! Turn those machines back on! [shouts, echoing throughout the trading hall] Turn those machines back on!

Officer Reynolds: [to Louis] Strip, you little shit, before I tear you a new asshole!

[watching cops subduing an unruly suspect] May I suggest using your night stick officer?