Tootsie quotes

32 total quotes (ID: 587)

Dorothy Michaels
Jeff Slater
Michael Dorsey
Multiple Characters
Sandy Lester

Ron Carlisle: [after Dorothy reveals she is a man] I knew there was a reason she didn't like me!

Michael: Wait, I'll call you a cab.
Sandy: Don't bother. It's cheaper to get mugged.

George: Where do you come off sending me your roommate's play for you to star in? I'm your agent, not your mother! I'm not supposed to find plays for you to star in - I'm supposed to field offers! And that's what I do!
Michael: 'Field offers?' Who told you that, the Agent Fairy? That was a significant piece of work - I could've been terrific in that part.
George: Michael, nobody's gonna do that play.
Michael: Why?
George: Because it's a downer, that's why. Because nobody wants to produce a play about a couple that moved back to Love Canal.
Michael: But that actually happened!
George: WHO GIVES A SHIT? Nobody wants to pay twenty dollars to watch people living next to chemical waste! They can see that in New Jersey!

Michael: Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me?
George: No, no, that's too limited... nobody in Hollywood wants to work with you either. I can't even send you up for a commercial. You played a tomato for 30 seconds - they went a half a day over schedule because you wouldn't sit down.
Michael: Yes - it wasn't logical.
George: YOU WERE A TOMATO. A tomato doesn't have logic. A tomato can't move.
Michael: That's what I said. So if he can't move, how's he gonna sit down, George? I was a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato. Nobody does vegetables like me. I did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway. I did the best tomato, the best cucumber... I did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass.

Sandy: Wish me luck.
Michael: [trying to help her keep her anger for an audition] **** you.
Sandy: Thanks.
Michael: **** you.

[Dorothy Michaels' screen test]
Rita: I'd like to make her look a little more attractive, how far can you pull back?
Cameraman: How do you feel about Cleveland?
Rita: Knock it off.

John: I'm just an untalented old has-been.
Dorothy: Were you ever famous?
John Van Horne: No.
Dorothy: Then how can you be a has-been?

Julie: I know I'm pretty and I use it. I just guess I shouldn't have gone to Dr. Brewster's office so late.
Dorothy: Well, no, that's not true. You know, Dr. Brewster has tried to seduce several nurses on this ward. Always claiming to be in the throes of an uncontrollable impulse. Do you know what?
Ron: Uh-oh.
Dorothy: I think I'm gonna give every nurse on this floor an electric cattle prod, and just instruct them to just zap him in his badoobies.
[Julie tries, unsuccessfully, to hold back a giggle.]
Ron: Cattle prod!
Dorothy: Ruby? Hi, you wanna open the yellow pages under the section, Farm Equipment retail...

Sandy: Michael, are you gay?
Michael: In what sense?

Michael: Friends?
Sandy: No, we are not friends. I don't take this shit from friends. Only lovers.

Julie: [answering phone] Hello?
Dorothy: That's a corncob.

Ron: You don't like me, do you? Now, I can respect that. There's not many women that I can't make like me. Why don't you like me?
Dorothy: I don't like the way you treat Julie. I don't like the way you patronize her. I don't like the way you deceive her. I don't like the way you lie to her.
Ron: What do you mean?
Dorothy: You want me to go on?
Ron: No, no. I know what you mean.

George: You are psychotic!
Michael: No, I'm not, I'm employed.

Michael: You should have seen the look on her face when she thought I was a lesbian.
George: "Lesbian"? You just said gay.
Michael: No, no, no - SANDY thinks I'm gay, JULIE thinks I'm a lesbian.
George: I thought Dorothy was supposed to be straight?
Michael: Dorothy IS straight. Tonight Les, the sweetest, nicest man in the world asked me to marry him.
George: A guy named Les wants YOU to marry him?
Michael: No, no, no - he wants to marry Dorothy.
George: Does he know she's a lesbian?
Michael: Dorothy's NOT a lesbian.
George: I know that, does HE know that?
Michael: Know WHAT?
George: That, er, I... I don't know.

John: [finishing his drink] Dorothy, I want you.
Dorothy: I beg your pardon?