Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby quotes

View Quote [getting thrown out of Applebee's] I'm a veteran! And a diabetic! Applebee's has rats! I found a whole rat in my Cobb salad!

View Quote Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your...your little ghost manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental...videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors...

View Quote Dick Berggren: Dick Berggren reporting from Las Vegas victory lane for FOX television. Ricky, obviously a huge win for you today, but it seems as if you either win, or crash the car trying to win.
Ricky: Well, Dick, here's the deal: I'm the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. You know, nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a--just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last! You know? You know what I mean? That phrase is trademarked and not to be used without the expressed permission of Ricky Bobby, Inc.

View Quote [driving his first race] Hey, Lucius, I just wanted to share a piece of personal information with you. I've got a...a chubby right now because THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!! I'M GETTIN' TO DRIVE A RACECAR I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD!!!

View Quote And now, the matador shall dance with the blind shoemaker!

View Quote Mr. Dennit, with all due respect... I had no idea that you had an experimental surgery to have your balls removed.

View Quote The room is startin' to spin real fast...cause of...cause of gayness.

View Quote I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then **** you.

View Quote [to Ricky's class] You don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher. She wants you to go slow, but it's the fastest who gets paid, and it's the fastest who gets laid.

View Quote [Looking under the hood of his race car] Hot dog! I mean, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!

View Quote Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is just around the corner, and what better gift to give a loved one [pulls out knife] than the Jack Hawk 9000? Available at Wal-Mart!

View Quote Please don't let the invisible fire burn my friend!

View Quote Opening title card: America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed. - Eleanor Roosevelt, 1936.

View Quote You shut up, you little potlicker, I'll put you in a microwave!

View Quote My husband Gregory and I wish for that which every other couple wish for: to retire to Stockholm and design a currency for dogs and cats to use.