Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby quotes

View Quote Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, don't even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent. We'd just like to thank you for all the races 've won and the $21.2 million, LOVE THAT MONEY! That I have accrued over this past season. Also due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates I mention PowerAde at each grace, I just wanna say that PowerAde is delicious and it cools you off on a hot summer day and we look forward to PowerAde's release of mystic mountain blueberry. Thank you, for all your power and your grace, Dear Baby God, Amen

View Quote I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singin' lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and 'm in the front row, and 'm hammered drunk...

View Quote [to Ricky, in the hospital] There's somethin' I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread, man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. It was weird, I... I mean, you probably didn't hear about it 'cause I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow, that I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho.

View Quote My teacher asked me what the capital of north carolina was and i said washington dc and she said no. your wrong. and i said you've got a lumpy butt. and she got mad and yelled at me and i peed my pants and i never did changed my pee pants all day. i'm still sittin' here in my dirty pee pants..

View Quote In the words of the late great Colonel Sanders: I'm too drunk to taste this chicken

View Quote Mr. Dennit, with all due respect, and remember I'm sayin' it with all due respect, that idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin gettin' it on.

View Quote Now, I've got a message for all the other drivers out there. If you smell a delicious, crispy smell after the race, it's not your tailpipe. It's just a little of Shake...and Bake!

View Quote Carley Bobby: [about Walker and Texas Ranger] If we wanted us some wussies, we would have named them 'Dr. Quinn' and 'Medicine Woman', okay?

View Quote Hey losing is never fun but here's a little something to keep your spirits up.... (flips bird) its real nice... got it at Target.... It's on sale.

View Quote [running around on the track in his underwear] Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!

View Quote Dear 8 pound 6 ounce Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you J?sus...we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino's, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or T.R., as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife, Carley, who is a stone cold fox (Cal: MMMMM!), who if you would rate her ass on 100 it would easily be a 94. I also want to thank you for my best friend and teammate, Cal Naughton Jr, Who's got my back no matter what (Cal: Shake and Bake)

View Quote You gotta win to get love. I mean, that's just life. Look at...look at Don Shula. Legendary coach. Look at that Asian guy who holds the world record for eatin' all those hot dogs in a row. Look at Rue McClanahan. From The Golden Girls. Three people, all great champions, all loved.

View Quote I like to think of Jesus as wearin' a Tuxedo T-shirt, 'cause it says, like, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party too." I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.

View Quote I sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not, like, a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly, like, "Hey, what's up guys? You want some crack?". I'm just waiting on those two things to just kinda flesh themselves out.

View Quote It's not always bad to be in last place. Here's some things we can focus on: One, we tried hard. And two, we're still dear friends!