Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby quotes

142 total quotes (ID: 564)

Cal Naughton, Jr.
Jean Girard
Multiple Characters
Reese Bobby
Ricky Bobby
Texas Ranger Bobby
Walker Bobby

[talking to Reese Bobby] Hello Professor Dickweed.

Dear 8 pound 6 ounce Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you J?sus...we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino's, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or T.R., as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife, Carley, who is a stone cold fox (Cal: MMMMM!), who if you would rate her ass on 100 it would easily be a 94. I also want to thank you for my best friend and teammate, Cal Naughton Jr, Who's got my back no matter what (Cal: Shake and Bake)

Look, I like the baby version the best, you hear me? I win the races and I get the money

Please don't let the invisible fire burn my friend!

[getting thrown out of Applebee's] I'm a veteran! And a diabetic! Applebee's has rats! I found a whole rat in my Cobb salad!

If you ain't first, you're last!

[to Ricky's class] You don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher. She wants you to go slow, but it's the fastest who gets paid, and it's the fastest who gets laid.

Whoa! I gotta lay off the peyote.

I told you not to put the damn onions on my steak

Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!

You're gonna break us like wild horses, ain't you?

If it isn't our mangy, transient grandfather!"

Announcer at Racetrack: As it stands now, Jean Girard is sitting on the pole, which is of course a statement of fact and in no way a comment on the driver's sexual orientation.

Walker: Shut up in here, I'm tryin' to sleep!
Texas Ranger: One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!

Dick Berggren: Dick Berggren reporting from Las Vegas victory lane for FOX television. Ricky, obviously a huge win for you today, but it seems as if you either win, or crash the car trying to win.
Ricky: Well, Dick, here's the deal: I'm the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. You know, nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a--just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last! You know? You know what I mean? That phrase is trademarked and not to be used without the expressed permission of Ricky Bobby, Inc.