Splash quotes

View Quote Allen Bauer: What is your name?
Madison: It's hard to say in English.
Allen Bauer: Then just say it in your language.
Madison: All right. My name is...
[high-pitched squeels that shatter all the television screens]
Allen Bauer: [nervously to the clerks] So, how about those Knicks?

View Quote Allen Bauer: All right, Madison, now this is getting scary. If you don't open this, I'm going to break it down! All right, that's it! [busts the door open to see Madison laying on the bathroom floor] Why wouldn't you let me in?
Madison: I was... shy.
Allen Bauer: You were shy? After the cab, the elevator, and on top of the refrigerator, you were shy?
Madison: [matter-of-factly] I was shy.
Allen Bauer: [to himself] She was shy.

View Quote Allen Bauer: Freddie, the woman learned how to speak English in a single afternoon.
Freddie Bauer: She could probably speak English already. I think she was in shock from being arrested, you know?
Allen Bauer: Well now, what about that, huh? What about a woman showing up naked in a public place, Freddie?
Freddie Bauer: Well I'm in for it, of course.

View Quote Dr. Zidell: What's happened to you? You were the brightest student in my class. True, emotionally you were twelve years old.
Walter Kornbluth: I was twelve years old.
Dr. Zidell: That's right. And look what you've become, a schmuck.
Walter Kornbluth: There is a mermaid in New York City.
Dr. Zidell: Oh.. oh.. sure... sure... You mean this... this... this naked girl? How come she's got legs?
Walter Kornbluth: She has legs out of the water, she has fins in the water. You taught me that, Dr. Zidell, don't you remember? You taught me all the legends.

View Quote Madison: You said whatever my secret was, you'd understand.
Allen Bauer: Yeah...but...
Madison: You thought at least I was a human being.

View Quote [Allen is being mobbed by reporters]
Freddie Bauer: Allen, you all right?
Allen Bauer: Yeah, get me outta here!
Freddie Bauer: Is anyone here from Penthouse Magazine?
Reporters: No.
Freddie Bauer: Then we ain't talkin'.

View Quote [Allen sees his employees staring at him.]
Freddie Bauer: What are you looking at? You never saw a guy who slept with a fish before? Get back to work!
[Allen and Freddie are about to enter the office]
Mrs. Stimler: [to Allen] Oh Mr. Bauer, you had a million messages. I wrote them down here. You got calls from CBS, NBC, ABC, AP, UPI, Time, Ted Turner, Newsweek, Marineland, Ripley's Believe it or Not, and Mrs. Paul.
Freddie Bauer: Not now, Mrs. Stimler. All right.

View Quote Allen Bauer: I don't understand. All my life, I've been waiting for someone and when I find her, she's... she's a fish.
Freddie Bauer: Nobody said love's perfect.
Allen Bauer: Oh, Freddie, I don't expect it to be perfect! But for God's sake, it's usually human! Every day, people meet, they fall in love, every day! And look at what I got.
Freddie Bauer: [angrily] Yeah, let's look at what you got. Let's take a good look at what you got. People fall in love every day, huh? Is that what you said?
Allen Bauer: Yeah.
Freddie Bauer: Yeah? Well, that's a crock. It doesn't work that way. Look, do you realize how happy you were with her? That is, of course, when you weren't driving youself crazy. Every day? Come on. Some people will never be that happy. I'll never be that happy! [pause] What am I talking to you for? You don't know anything. Mrs. Stimler. [leaves the office]

View Quote Allen Bauer: I didn't even like you when I first you.
Walter Kornbluth: Nobody likes me when they first meet me.
Madison: Allen...
[Allen and Kornbluth look back to see the Marines approaching them]
Walter Kornbluth: Move!

View Quote Actor Role Tom Hanks Allen Bauer Daryl Hannah Madison Eugene Levy Dr. Walter Kornbluth John Candy Freddie Bauer Dody Goodman Mrs. Stimler Richard B. Shull Dr. Ross Shecky Greene Mr. Buyrite Bobby Di Cicco Jerry Howard Morris Dr. Zidell