So I Married an Axe Murderer quotes

View Quote Heid! Paper! Now! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if you can, hauling that gargantuan cranium about!

View Quote Harriet! Harry-it, hard-hearted harbinger of haggis... Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? He wants you back, he screams into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely! It's really hard! This poem... sucks.

View Quote Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as the Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.
Tony Giardino: So who's in this Pentavirate?
Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders before he went tets-up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee beady eyes! And that smug look on his face, "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"
Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?
Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartarse!
Charlie Mackenzie: Coo-coo.

View Quote John Johnson: Hello everyone, I am a park ranger and I will be leading you on the tour. All of the park rangers were, at one time, guards, myself included. My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me "Vicky".
Tony Giardino: I love Vicky.
Charlie Mackenzie: Yeah, Vicky's the best.

View Quote Charlie Mackenzie: Hi, can we get our check please? Thanks.
[the check comes]
Charlie Mackenzie: I'll get that.
Tony Giardino: No i got it.
Charlie Mackenzie: No, no, no, no.
Tony Giardino: No, no, no. Let me.
Charlie Mackenzie: No, no, no, no, no, no.
Tony Giardino: Charlie, please.
Charlie Mackenzie: No, no, no, no, no, no.
Tony Giardino: Let me pick this up, please.
Charlie Mackenzie: No, no, no, no, no, no.
Tony Giardino: I insist.
Charlie Mackenzie: No, no, no, no, no, no. No to infinity. Negatory. Negatory, good buddy. Ne-ga-to-ry!
Harriet Michaels: I'll pick up the check.
Charlie Mackenzie: Okay.

View Quote May Mackenzie: Harriet, why don't you come with me. I have wonderful photographs when he was a wee baby.
Stuart Mackenzie: And show her the picture of Charlie when he shit his pants at Niagra Falls.

View Quote Heid! Pants! Now!

View Quote Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.

View Quote Look at the size of that boy's head. It's like an orange on a toothpick.

View Quote No kidding. His head's like Sputnik. Spherical, but quite pointy in parts.

View Quote Oooh, that was offsides, wasn't it? Tonight he'll cry himself to sleep... on his huge pilla!

View Quote We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down. 'S all right, he's just pissed.

View Quote Let's get pissed!

View Quote Heid, turn off the Bay City Rollers! The game's about to come on!

View Quote May, shut it!