So I Married an Axe Murderer

So I Married an Axe Murderer quotes

38 total quotes (ID: 545)

Charlie Mackenzie
Stuart Mackenzie


[singing "Do You Think I'm Sexy" with bagpipes] If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, c'mon baby let me know! Haggis solo!


[is served a huge cup of coffee] Excuse me miss, there seems to be a mistake. I believe I ordered the large cappuccino. Hello?!

Woman... woe-man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you got to belief, she stole my heart and my cat. Judy, Betty, Josie and those hot Pussycats... they make me horny, on Saturday morny... girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins... I want to to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love.

I believe most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it's called FA-QUE! (pronounces it "**** you") It's mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they're on the ground.

Come, Nadia. Let us dance like children of the night!

[after being asked by Harriet what he looks for in a woman] Most people say a sense of humor, but I'm gonna have to go with breast size.

I like the night life. I like to boogey.

I think I'm dating Ms. X...

Harriet Michaels: Do you actually like haggis?
Charlie Mackenzie: No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Charlie Mackenzie: How many people have you brutally murdered?
Harriet Michaels: Well, brutal's a subjective term. What's brutal to one person might be entirely reasonable to someone else.

May Mackenzie: Charlie, hand me the paper.
Charlie Mackenzie: Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News "the paper." A paper contains facts.
May Mackenzie: This newspaper contains facts. Look at this. "Pregnant man gives birth." That's a fact!

Charlie Mackenzie: So Tony, what's the deal with your clothes?
Tony Giardino: What do ya mean?
Charlie Mackenzie: I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.
Tony Giardino: What are ya talking about, I look hip!
Charlie Mackenzie: No no no no no no no, you look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip.
Tony Giardino: I AM an undercover cop trying to look hip.

Tony Giardino: Everytime you meet a nice girl you can get close to, you always break up with them for paranoid reasons.
Charlie Mackenzie: That's not true. I broke up with those girls for very good reasons.
Tony Giardino: Oh really?
Charlie Mackenzie: Yes.
Tony Giardino: Oh really? What about Jill?
Charlie Mackenzie: She was in the mafia.

Tony Giardino: What about Pam?
Charlie Mackenzie: She smelled like soup.